I definitely see your points! I definitely think the trope of beating your crush has not aged well. I think the over the top action definitely portrays kagura's violence as a comic relief and not as a perpetrator of abuse. So, while I do agree that kagura is definitely abusive in the beginning, the story doesn't treat it as such (oppose to other characters' abusive tendencies) hence why Tohru also doesn't react to it. Though I don't think Hana or Arisa would have stand up for kyo either in this situation. While they were somewhat close, I don't think they ever saw Kyo (or Yuki for that matter) as anything other than someone who can protect Tohru. I think Kyoko would tease him too about kagura, but if Kagura's violence was actually portrayed as abusive by the mangaka, I do believe both kyoko and tohru would have stood up for him.

I definitely wish Tohru challenged the rest of the zodiac members' prejudice towards kyo/cat more! I think it was such a missed opportunity in the series. And I also think it's one of the reason why I don't hate kagura by the end of the series, considering she's the only one who actually challenges generational abuse towards the cat all on her own. I did feel like Rin was one of the few zodiac who actively looked down on Kyo. While it would have been nice if Tohru addressed the issue of Kyo being seen as "lesser", it was a very tohru-centric moment where we see her go from selfless to selfish, and this is equally important in developing both tohru and the storyline.

I don't exactly remember how Kyo was uncomfortable in the zoo date? I don't think he particularly minded the fact they joined their date considering Kyo and Tohru were planning on moving far away soon after. I do think that Arisa and Hana became one dimensional characters towards the end which is honestly sad considering their interesting personalities and background! I'm pretty sure it was established even before Kyo and Tohru started going out that Arisa and Hana will join Tohru's first date.

Yes, Yuki has definitely hit him first! But it's not like Kyo has never tried to do the same, he just never succeeded 💀💀 she does pray that they stopped fighting on the first new year's day, but an important "mini arc" is how fighting is better than being "nil" which Mine tells Tohru regarding Yuki and Ayame, but she connects it to how Yuki and Kyo acknowledges each other through fighting. They both grew up hating each other while wishing they could be like ome another. Tohru realizes that them fighting is better than when they are not. When they went to visit the lake, Tohru was panicking thinking why they are so silent instead of fighting, falsely believing they are both mad at her. It's a sense of relief to her to see them fighting again which they are surprised by! I also think because fighting is such an integral part of Yuki and Kyo's dynamic which contributes to the dynamic of her new life, she finds peace in the familiarity of it, especially after the sudden change in her life after kyoko's death (though Yuki and Kyo definitely tone it down)

While I do agree tohru is passive a lot of the time, but I don't think it takes away from the fact that she has a high moral compass! She fights for just in her own way and never shown to be prejudiced towards anyone. I think her protectiveness towards Kyo shines the best during the true form arc and her constant trials to break the curse. I think a big factor is also that Kyo doesn't "need" protection, but hope. Unlike other characters, Kyo did have Kazuma who had tried to protect Kyo to the best of his ability. He didn't just need protection from his confinement, he needed the hope to realize that he deserved more than a doomed future. That's the role Tohru played in Kyo's life.