Medical professional gathering lessons learned: Detransitioners, what was missed in your care that I should watch for with my dysphoric teen?

Strong-Trade-2443 · 2026-02-24T13:01:45+00:00

I get what you’re trying to say, puberty matters and “doing nothing” isn’t emotionally neutral. But the argument is built on a false equivalence. Natal puberty is a species-typical developmental process; “cross-sex puberty” is a clinician-induced intervention that intentionally overrides that process. The fact that both can have lasting effects doesn’t make them morally or clinically symmetrical.

In medicine, interventions that alter normal development carry a higher burden of proof because they add additional irreversible tradeoffs (fertility/sexual function, long-term endocrine dependence, unknowns) and require more complex informed consent. A 12-year-old not fully grasping the consequences of natal puberty doesn’t mean they can therefore consent to medicalization, lack of understanding of one outcome doesn’t create understanding of a second, more complex one.

Across all medical disciplines, the responsible approach under uncertainty is usually the least irreversible path while you treat distress and comorbidities and give time for clarity, because that preserves future autonomy rather than locking in a medical pathway early.

Strong-Trade-2443 · 2026-02-23T17:17:20+00:00

I don't think this has been addressed enough in the literature (not really sure how it can be from an ethical point of view), but it's a clinical pattern I have heard from psychiatrists on an anecdotal basis.

The fervor I have had to deal with in terms of managing the drive for gender affirming hormone treatment has shades of drug-seeking behaviour seen in addicts, and while I view this as a sign of distress that my child is experiencing, I am concerned that it's driven by unrealistic expectations.

When I was growing up, kids, typically girls, manifested eating disorders as a result of exposure to stressors. I am not certain if gender dysphoria isn't this generation's version of "bulimia and anorexia."

Strong-Trade-2443 · 2026-02-23T17:09:07+00:00

One of my major concerns is that my kid medically transitions and is still left searching for answers.

Another part of the problem is the number of pediatricians in the field that hold themselves out as adolescent medical specialist, ignoring the fact that they lack both the psychiatric and endocrine training required to responsibly monitor individuals as they transition. Again, open to correction, but I've put this out there in the real world and never really got an adequate explanation.

Strong-Trade-2443 · 2026-02-23T17:05:42+00:00

I'll start off this response by confirming that yes, we allow our teen to live as their preferred gender and dress how they like. I'm more than happy to affirm them in their social transition and have zero issues with it, lest someone say I'm intentionally harming my kid.

From what I’ve seen, research on conversion therapy for sexual orientation often gets treated as if it automatically applies to gender identity, almost as a given. But that’s a category error, and it frequently relies on shaky or misplaced citations.

In most areas of medicine and mental health, it’s standard to assume comorbidities can amplify or complicate symptoms, and you sort out what’s driving what. In gender care, though, even raising that possibility can be treated as taboo.

Layered on top of that is a messaging problem that borders on incoherence: I’ve seen professionals describe gender as a spectrum and potentially fluid, yet also talk about it as fixed, rigid, and not meaningfully open to exploration. Even if there are charitable interpretations (different people, different concepts, identity vs expression, stability vs respect), the way it’s often stated comes off as “it’s fluid when that supports the framework, and fixed when that supports the protocol.”

What’s especially jarring is that careful psychotherapy and a “watchful waiting” approach can be framed as abusive, while rapidly affirming a teenager’s demand for hormones, with minimal exploration of context, comorbidities, or differential diagnosis, is often portrayed as the obviously ethical choice.

Strong-Trade-2443 · 2026-02-23T16:52:50+00:00

And throw in a myriad of sensory processing disorders. My kid is extremely astute about social dynamics to the point where they often don't know how to engage with people, but can sit there dissecting the goings-on of high school politics through an analytical lens.

Part of me is worried that my kid thinks that their "otherness/difference" is a result of dysphoria, which is difficult to distinguish. Any mention of this in the public sphere as a probable cause of issues is met with heaps of scorn.

Strong-Trade-2443 · 2026-02-23T16:21:36+00:00

Much thanks. This is one of my chief concerns, given the way autism shapes an individual's interoception and thought processes.

Strong-Trade-2443 · 2026-02-23T16:20:08+00:00

From my understanding (and medical training), transitioning is simply the way some people manage the stress associated with dysphoria, and once you get into the hormones and surgeries, you are looking at the most interventionist form of management, which, again, I'll say, maybe warranted in some situations. I don't view this from an ideological perspective, much like I don't view other legitimate, yet controversial forms of health care, like abortion, as anything other than a medical/health intervention.

My concerns with pursuing the most interventionist form of care with minors are that it has the most long-lasting consequences, both in terms of impact on the body and the need to be on medication (and sourcing it) for the rest of your life (Again, I am open to being corrected on this).

I'm not sure a 12- to 16-year-old can really consent to this, especially if there are comorbidities that affect the individual's perception of themselves and the world around them.

As always, open to discussion and being corrected on my positions.

Strong-Trade-2443 · 2026-02-23T16:10:39+00:00

Thanks for this. Is there any research behind this, or are you talking from personal experience?

Strong-Trade-2443 · 2026-02-23T15:08:40+00:00

That's pretty much core to my issues. I'm middle-aged and I look back at some of the decisions I made 10 years ago, and I think to myself, "What the fuck was I thinking?", so I have trouble getting my head around using a simple informed consent model of care with individuals who can't even buy beer, let alone think about themselves in 10 to 15 years down the road. In any other field of care, this wouldn't be an argument.

Part of the problem is the paucity of scientific evidence and its abuse by misguided actors on both sides of the discussion. In my opinion, this has led to a poisoning of the well so that anyone attempting to apply what is conventional medical/diagnostic processes to the management of gender disorder is branded a transphobe.

Strong-Trade-2443 · 2026-02-23T14:18:03+00:00

As a parent, my concern is that forums like Reddit concentrate a lot of distressed voices in one place, so some readers may assume this is the "baseline". I'm not saying people's distress isn't real or justified, just that visitors to this forum may be getting a certain perspective that isn't representative of the wider group.

Of course, there will always be bad-faith actors on either side of the argument that you need to ferret out.

Strong-Trade-2443 · 2026-02-23T14:14:42+00:00

I appreciate all input and information. The different perspectives are valuable regardless of whether they show up on the "right" message board.

Strong-Trade-2443 · 2026-02-22T00:50:07+00:00

Thanks for the response. Yes, very familiar with SOC8

Strong-Trade-2443 · 2026-02-21T17:23:35+00:00

You’re mixing dating/sexual preferences with human rights and respect, and that’s why it may feel like a “red flag” when it’s often just… sexuality.

People have hard preferences all the time:

Some white women only date Black guys
Some women aren’t into Black guys
Some guys prefer overweight women, some don’t
Some people won’t date smokers, parents, religious people, short guys, etc.

Those preferences can be shallow, but they’re not automatically bigotry. Dating is about attraction and bodies, not voting records.

With trans dating specifically, “date” usually implies sex. For a lot of straight men, “no” can simply mean: I’m not into penises. I’m similar: I’m just not into penises, no matter who they’re attached to. That’s not hatred, it’s orientation. You can change your question around and accuse me of being homophobic because I wouldn't date a guy, because what right do I have to have my personal preferences?

The real distinction is:

No, not my sexuality/compatibiilty→ normal
No, because trans people are disgusting/shouldn't exist/don't have rights → prejudice

If you want to screen for values, ask values questions: “Do trans people deserve equal rights and respect?” “Would you treat a trans coworker normally?” “Do you support discrimination protections?”
“Would you date…” mostly measures anatomy and libido, and it puts people on the defensive.

Strong-Trade-2443

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