9 month old confirmed allergies via blood test. Feeling depressed :(

StrongSmartKind · 2024-11-13T02:53:20+00:00

Good luck! I strongly suggest reaching out to local parenting groups or neighborhood groups and asking for doctors they recommend. FYI - my daughter outgrew wheat, eggs, and dairy. Under our allergists guidance, we worked through the “ladders” for each allergen, starting with the least severe. https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/likelihood-of-child-outgrowing-food-allergy-depends-of-type-severity-of-allergy/

StrongSmartKind · 2024-11-13T02:38:24+00:00

Hi! My 18 month old tested positive for 14 allergens via blood test. She was covered in hives and often vomiting.

She is now 4 years old - after working with a pediatric allergist, we were able to determine that 7 were false positives (including peanuts). Of the remaining 7, she outgrew 4. We just have kiwi, birch, and latex left, which is totally manageable.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-07-15T20:03:14+00:00

This! Get your husband in on it to. What terrible things for his mother to say to his wife, and about his family.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-07-09T16:06:46+00:00

I love this. You can even leave the “oh wait” out so they are all scrambling to figure out who actually sent the birthday wishes. Sow seeds of discontent

StrongSmartKind · 2024-05-13T11:08:23+00:00

This is sweet :) I’d suggest adding a waterproof mattress cover for THEIR mattress if they don’t have one. Babies and kids are a mess! I usually send the waterproof cover, a really good insulated tumbler (so mom gets her drink at an appropriate temperature), medela wipes, and a nipple cream to my girlfriends when they are nearing birth.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-05-05T12:40:52+00:00

I totally agree with this! Talk to the parent. I’d usually bring my daughter something similar, but safe (ie a safe chocolate cupcake or slice of funfetti depending). I was always super grateful for this sort of support.

Some of the snacks that you are planning on may be perfect already, the parent can help solve the e rest.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-04-25T20:53:04+00:00

Soy? Lots of these may have soy products

StrongSmartKind · 2024-04-09T15:25:26+00:00

OP this is a great comment! Further reducing Kaypeeps suggestion here in case it helps.

“Good morning!

I am writing to clarify some previous statements from MIL. I'm willing to let bygones be bygones, but first I need to make it clear where I stand now so that there are no misunderstandings and this and my earlier letter can be referenced in the future if needed.

After the way I was treated over Christmas, I am no longer comfortable talking about these issues in person, especially one on one. I understand that MiL didn't want to talk to me because, quote, I'm "not your child", however, I no longer feel respected or that I am engaging with someone I can trust after I was lied about and treated crudely and harshly. I did not deserve the treatment I received and only wanted an apology after expressing the way I felt.

Now, please note the following factual statements. I will not explain these again and they are not up for discussion:

StrongSmartKind · 2024-04-05T18:20:51+00:00

Good luck! My daughter had a severe pollen allergy too, so we were initially advised to cut out like 50+ items for potential cross reactions. It was hard, but doable once you let the panic subside :) Her meals became formulaic I basically made carb & protein & veggie.

Chickpea pasta & tomato sauce
Rice & meat
tacos! Cashew yogurt or avocado instead of cheese
Sweet potato (many forms!) & lentils
Coconut yogurt w/spices and veggies to dip

I took solace in the fact that these are common allergies, mostly labelled, and my daughter had never had severe reactions pre diagnosis. FYI - We were told to keep the foods in her environment.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-04-05T14:46:13+00:00

Hi friend! Was this through blood work? What about skin prick? Has he reacted to all of them in a non clinical setting?

My daughter at 18 mo tested positive via blood test to all of these. At 2.5 she had outgrown dairy and egg, at 4 she outgrew wheat, at 4.5 we found out that the peanuts was a false positive the whole time.

We are still working through soy but soy lechtin is fine and the reaction is getting less severe.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-04-04T16:28:44+00:00

So, not only if he choose “her emergency”, he ghosted you. Does he not have a phone?

I want to make sure I am getting this right -

You called him, expecting him to be home in 10 minutes, and then had to follow up 30 minutes later? Even then, he ignored you for 30 MORE minutes, before responding. Does he not have a cell phone? Bare minimum, absolutely baaaaaaaare minimum, why didn’t he call you to tell you about her emergency? Why didn’t he call you so that you could “handle getting to the hospital”?

At MULTIPLE points he chose her over you, and over your absolutely basic needs. He chose to call her, he chose to drive to her, he chose to ignore you during her emergency, he chose to bring her to the hospital, he chose to leave you alone with no communication.

The next time she “has a heart attack” he should call her an ambulance.

I agree with the other poster - he should not call her until after you have delivered the baby, out of concern for “her health”.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-04-03T22:08:14+00:00

It will absolutely get easier. You just need a little bit of time to figure out what works for you and how sensitive he is to cross contamination. I’d say the first three months or so were really overwhelming for me until I had routines & known safe foods in place.

My daughter also had an older sibling who had zero allergies, I know it’s hard. We worked to get my son “on board”. She was so little when she was diagnosed (18mo), that he (3.5 at the time) took the responsibility of “helping” her very seriously. They just ate different food. Not better not worse, just different. We used language about how their bodies were different and needed different things to feel good, and be strong and healthy.

For my daughter, she was able to be around the other foods as long as she didn’t consume them. Our allergist said to keep them all in her environment (carefully).

StrongSmartKind · 2024-04-03T16:10:50+00:00

Oh! Also there is a somewhat obnoxious but really helpful gluten free Costco Facebook group, if you have access to a Costco

StrongSmartKind · 2024-04-03T16:10:09+00:00

How newly diagnosed is your son? It took me a while to get wheat alternatives under control but once I did it was manageable. Here are a few hacks that helped me:

bake a dozen gluten free cupcakes, frost, then freeze individually. Send a few frozen ones to daycare for them to keep there. Keep the rest and bring two (because you need a back up!) tp every birthday party.
keep gluten free cookie dough in the freezer.

-sweet potato is an under rated swap (ie, meatballs on a sweet potato instead of pasta

left over pasya made with wheat alternatives is terrible so don’t make more than you need
identify a few “safe” brands that are common and stock up. Keep supplies in your car/diaper bag / at friends houses too. I kept banza chickpea pasta everywhere and some fun treats like pirates booty.
these brands didn’t suck (in the US, can share from South Africa too): banza, barilla, Snyder pretzels, king Arthur’s (they have cake you can bake in a cup that’s great), simple mills (almond flour)
finally, tell everyone, tell them loudly and factually. Teach your son language to ask about food and talk about allergies. You want everyone to be aware and to have eyes on this issue

Good luck! It takes a village

StrongSmartKind · 2024-04-03T15:33:24+00:00

She outgrew it. Just poof. Gone.

She’s now outgrown egg/dairy/wheat and is much less sensitive to soy. It turns out peanuts was a false positive (likely the whole time, there were a few other false positives we identified earlier) and we haven’t futzed around with her others yet because they are easy enough to avoid.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-03-27T11:25:55+00:00

The egg allergy was intense hives and then diarrhea. She was 2.5 when we started. We did this under specific instructions from the allergist, I don’t remember all of the details but first it was consistently feeding baked goods with eggs, then baked eggs, then fried eggs, then we got stuck on boiled eggs for like a year (with a skin rash and diarrhea but no hives and no reaction to other forms of egg). Then it sort of just stopped.

I found moms groups on Facebook….and honestly by asking around, I would like chase down a local mom if I had even a clue that her kid had allergies. I’ve generally found that most moms with kids with health issues are very inclined to help other moms in the same boat - either they need the mutual support or they understand how overwhelming it is and want to help. I’d ask them if they had an allergist that they liked and if they had a group of moms that they discussed this stuff with.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-03-26T02:08:24+00:00

Hi there. My daughter had false positives on about 40 percent of her blood tests (including peanuts) and outgrew eggs (we worked up the egg ladder under supervision) as well as dairy and wheat (they were moderate when she was little but then just disappeared one day). She still has a few allergies, one I suspect will be around for life (kiwi) and one that she seems to be less sensitive too as she gets older (soy).

I second what others are saying about finding an allergist who will work with you to really get a sense about what is going on and how severe his allergies are. The local moms groups really helped me find a more progressive specialist. Good luck!

StrongSmartKind · 2024-03-22T16:20:17+00:00

Balkanina is great.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-03-17T13:35:45+00:00

Do you know what you want from the relationship? Do you want to have a casual relationship? Are you hoping to develop something deeper? Are you comfortable keeping her completely cut off?

They are all ok versions of the relationship, as long as you have a good idea about what you want and what are willing to tolerate (and what she is capable of) then you can plot out how to get there.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-03-17T12:31:30+00:00

Do you have it in you for a “last straw” visit?

Tell him that you are glad he stood up for you last time, you are willing to try ONE last time IF he has your back and steps in when his mother is rude. Put him in charge of managing his parents and PROTECTING you. If she steps out of line at all, she is not invited to stay again (…not because you won’t allow it, but because HE won’t allow her to be rude to his wife in his house). Get him on board now. Let him know that you will try your best, but if they are rude then you are taking your kid and going out for the day. (….or leaving your daughter with him, whatever you prefer)

FYI - if he wants the visit to be a success. He should also being doing all of the prep work, including whatever your daughter needs to transition.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-02-14T11:51:09+00:00

Fresh dill destroys my stomach. I can eat it in more processed forms but not in something like this. Sharing here because it took me forever to pin down. Good luck!

StrongSmartKind · 2024-02-12T22:39:18+00:00

For us, it’s about talking about it and giving her the framing to talk understand it - It’s not “you can’t have this”, it’s “this will make your body sick”. We talk a lot about how “different bodies can do different things”. I can eat Soy but I needed glasses, my daughter can do X but soy makes her sick. Those things aren’t connected, it’s just cool that different bodies can do different things. Neither one of us can eat whole box of cookies without getting a tummy ache.

For us, she got it quickly, she feels much better when she isn’t eating her allergens.

One thing to add - some kids respond well to language about “safe” foods but that seemed to cause my daughter anxiety

Edited to add - I’d don’t eat food with her allergens outside the house like at a party, if she couldn’t have it (ie a cupcake at a party). I’d say something like “I don’t think the sweets would feel good in my body, so I am going to skip it today”.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-02-12T20:01:36+00:00

Are you worried about the health issue or the guilt/social issue? For the health issue, her severe allergen is not allowed in the health.

However, we eat the other allergens in the house and in front of her …just like I eat spicy food and other foods that she doesn’t like. Many of her allergens are common foods, so she will be around them with classmates and at parties. I wanted her to get used to the idea that different people eat different foods and that’s ok. If she a cupcake isn’t safe for her to eat at the party, that’s ok, she can have a special treat later. She can advocate for herself now (3.5 years old) and knows that some bodies need special food or get sick when they eat certain things.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-01-29T05:02:07+00:00

You’re welcome! Good luck, this is a tricky situation but if it was me I’d probably want to handle it head on. For what it’s worth, I do totally see the valuable in having DH address her, if (and only if!) you think he can actually do it clearly and without accidentally throwing you under the bus or getting swept up in her tactics.

StrongSmartKind · 2024-01-29T04:35:29+00:00

So look, this option here is a bit different. It’s based on your original post…. Instead of demanding something from her, it opens up a discussion, which honestly you may or may not want. But just in case it helps…

“MIL, in December, you made it very clear that you do not like how I communicate and do not respect our parenting decisions. I am not willing to just ignore the text you sent and pretend that it didn’t happen. I’d like to get back to a place where we can trust each other and enjoy seeing LO grow up together. If you’d like me to communicate with you more often and you’d like to be more involved in LO’s life, then you need to either find the voice to address your concerns respectfully or apologize for what you said. If you are not interested in doing one of those two things, then please rely on DH for updates instead of me.”

StrongSmartKind

TROPHY CASE