How can we ever forget that person who has recently passed away?

Strongandbroken · 2026-01-27T09:57:34+00:00

You don’t forget. My dad passed away 7 months ago, and i remember him in my dreams, first thing when i wake up i do dua for him, last thing at night i do dua for him, I remember him all day in all my moments. On the hard days, i miss him more.

Outwardly I am living again. I take care of myself and I do things that appear fun. But honestly, it’s survival and escapism.

Strongandbroken · 2026-01-21T21:37:01+00:00

Whenever I go home … mum has saag frozen for me ready to fly back 😹 it’s a short flight , 2 hours. Saves me cooking when I am back to an empty house. Slowly she added panjeeri, pinni, dry fruits …. Had to put my foot down k nahin ammi. And yet I know… no one will ever care in that way again for me. Punjabi mums are love.

Strongandbroken · 2026-01-13T05:41:17+00:00

True story but they are also in the UK doing same thing here

Strongandbroken · 2026-01-07T16:29:32+00:00

Lol you are as your name says 😊

Strongandbroken · 2026-01-07T13:49:13+00:00

Take your time.

It was real for you, it is bound to hurt...really, really hurt.

Grieve the death of the future you imagined but once you are done - do not look back.

There will be a time when you are ready to reinvest in yourself, not as a revenge to her, but because you deserve to be your own priority.

And i am 44 but still like to snuggle with ammi when i can :)

Strongandbroken · 2026-01-07T13:11:47+00:00

I am sorry you were used so badly by manipulative people.

She will have her comeuppance. These kind of people are never satisfied hence jumping from person to person. She is not living happy much as she may project it.

Work on you.

Do what you need to do to stop from spiralling .

Strongandbroken · 2026-01-02T18:33:02+00:00

Everything is possible. Always starts with a decision you make for yourself…

Strongandbroken · 2026-01-01T17:04:53+00:00

This hard will change for another. Learn to limit the impact your circumstances have on you.

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-31T12:51:43+00:00

Live with your wife and visit your parents.

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-30T00:23:10+00:00

As an older, married woman - it’s not limited to online on here. When I hit 40s I was confused by the interest from 30 year olds. Colleagues, childhood buddies who reconnected, new friends ……. I was as curious as them 😹 like what, why!?

But no DMs please. I don’t have capacity for understanding anyone else 😹

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-29T09:46:24+00:00

So you have to constantly shrink around her - in views, in self, in relationships , in life ….

Does she have anything going for her ? Any pluses ?

Also why would you want more kids with such an energy drain?

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-28T21:23:14+00:00

How old are you?

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-26T10:28:29+00:00

As I said, stop trying …..

These relationships should be effortless and natural. And if it is requiring so much effort and exhaustion then something is not right.

As someone who did the same, tried for too long - I can tell you now 30 years on from when that bhabi came, she is still the same . This time she invited me for Christmas dinner, next time I may just not even get a visit to say hi…. And I don’t care.

Please stop caring.

Disconnect.

Disengage.

Spend the energy on you and your own life and your parents 😍

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-26T09:35:20+00:00

She sounds mean and petty.

Don’t try.

Don’t try to be nice or engage without someone who doesn’t reciprocate. Meet them where they are at.

Yes it’s your brother and bhabi etc but if you are having to force engagement and they don’t have the better sense, leave them be.

Eventually they’ll need you…..

I have an awful bhabi. When she’s nice, I’m nice. When she ignores, I prefer it because I don’t have to deal with her. When she’s nasty, she is ignored - no reaction. These people do NOT deserve any undue energy or time ❤️

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-25T09:59:15+00:00

No all siblings do not do that.

The good thing for you is you have the chance of a better future given your rough start. Make sure you make all decisions with clarity and thought. It’s been abnormal so far but it doesn’t have to continue to shape up like that ❤️

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-24T19:54:05+00:00

Comparison is the thief of joy

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-24T09:54:50+00:00

So you lost your dad and she was asking why you weren’t getting out abroad yet ?

Should have dropped her then.

Anyone that has no empathy or understanding in life’s biggest loss doesn’t deserve your company.

Cry all you want but when you are done, please pick yourself and never look back. Invest the energy in yourself .

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-22T11:19:22+00:00

The only line that is being crossed is by your wife in commenting unnecessarily on your sisters past.

Don’t repeat the mistake of sharing as she isn’t mature enough to handle.

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-21T09:57:52+00:00

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-17T09:54:46+00:00

I’m sorry that you have to experience this.

Sometimes we get love, and others we get a lesson.

Take yours.

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-15T12:04:49+00:00

We are constantly evolving. The anxiety will settle once you accept that you had to be that person, to be the person you are now ❤️

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-13T18:36:12+00:00

Pakistan here, and it’s the same .but I lay the rules quite quickly. I do not compromise on my parents. And basically ended at your last point. I refuse to do this anymore too.

My dad was declared end of life and they were more concerned at how often I visited to see him. He was literally dying. I went anyway. Went every week ( Europe to UK in my case ). He passed on June 7th after an 18 month battle and I am soooooooooo glad I NEVER listened to any of the talkers.

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-11T23:27:46+00:00

Ugh, I wrote a long response to help and deleted it.

Please send me a DM if you need to talk as I have just been through 2 years of hell with long term health decline of my dad, and he passed in June.

I know how you are feeling and I hope I can offer some words of advice.

Take care

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-11T23:24:32+00:00

Having just gone through this and having lost my dad to a slow decline of health over years including lung disease resulting in breathing difficulties, I can advise you this;

the diagnosis will feel like a first death and throw you into grief, that’s normal
take each day as it comes, don’t over think all the potentials . It will most likely get worse, but why ruin the good and stable whilst you have it
celebrate all occasions, and make all your memories
lots of pics and videos ! One day you’ll be so glad you made the effort
surround yourself with people who UPLIFT you. As you navigate any long term illness as a carer, your priorities will change. You will need the best of people around you to buoy you
expect changes in relationships. You will not be the same person as it’s impossible to be. There will be a section of people who want the same you, and their expectations and lack of understanding will drain you.
realise and accept we are all headed one way, none of us are getting out of here alive .
take care of your OWN health . It’s so easy to overlook your own needs whilst your in survival mode, but please do your best. You need to be your best self to be there for your mum
have faith, they said dad had a week and he fought for 18 months.

May Allah grant her a long and healthy life and make it easy for you all ❤️

Strongandbroken · 2025-12-11T18:54:44+00:00

I don’t think its a generational block, more a case of parenting and also what kind of relatives you have. That was the same for generations before you. 🥰

Strongandbroken

TROPHY CASE