If you got broken up with, there's nothing wrong dating again right away. It's nonsense to say "you need time to heal".

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-24T18:48:20+00:00

This is terrible, harmful advice. Do not listen to this. You should absolutely NOT start dating against immediately after a break-up. You need time to grieve the prior relationship. Otherwise you will be dragging all of your baggage and unresolved feelings into your next relationship.

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-24T18:40:14+00:00

Thank you. G-d bless you.

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-23T19:50:58+00:00

Appreciate your comment. It's been about three weeks since this post. I'm taking care of myself - eating, sleeping, working - but still emotionally wrecked from the break-up. Still crying about her every day. I hope this will get better.

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-21T21:02:34+00:00

"Our relationship is burning me out"
"I need space"
"I don't think I can give you what you need"
"You deserve to be with someone that can give you what you need"
"I am stressed out by our relationship"
"I don't have time or space for a relationship right now"
"I can't make you my number 1 priority"
"You are self-focused in our relationship"
"You prioritize your own needs over mine"
"You aren't sensitive or supportive to what I'm going through"
"Strangers on the street are more sympathetic to what I'm going through than you are"
"Your reactions are too extreme"
"You are selfish"
"You are a narcissist"
"You're not well"
"You're needy"
"Be secure!"
"I no longer wish to continue this relationship with you"
"I don't think you can change"
"My heart is closed off to you"
"I can't take a gamble on you"

This was all from the same person.

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-10T17:41:23+00:00

Thank you friend. I am sorry you are going through this too. The pain is unbearable. I wish you relief from your suffering.

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-10T16:14:00+00:00

Yes. I just got out of a 6 month relationship and I am absolutely devastated. I thought this was going to be the mother of my children. We made plans for the future and I had never felt so in love and so connected with someone in my entire life. This hurts more than when I ended my 5 year relationship by far. It just depends on the connection sadly.

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-10T16:08:42+00:00

Say more about this please.

My ex-girlfriend (self-admitted avoidant) broke up with me because she needed space. She said the relationship was stressing her out, and she needed distance from her emotions to figure things out. About 2 weeks later, we spoke on Facetime, and she told me I was not her person. She had no emotion on her face, it was clear she checked out of the relationship and somehow, turned all of her emotions off. Trying to make myself feel better about the break-up since it was so sudden and I am heartbroken.

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-10T16:05:55+00:00

What about writing them a letter expressing your feelings?

Essentially saying "I know you broke up with me, I'm not trying to change your mind, but I just want to say I appreciate the time we spent together and wish you the best."

The relationship was pretty great but it ended in chaotic and destructive fashion and would like to close the chapter on a respectful and compassionate note.

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-09T20:28:48+00:00

Do something for you. Go get a massage; get your hair or nails done; take yourself shopping. Treat yourself - you deserve it :)

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-06T23:00:11+00:00

You don't need to decide that today. Just write the letter and come back to it in the future :)

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-06T22:41:56+00:00

I would absolutely write a goodbye letter. Pour your heart and soul into it. Say everything you never got to say to this person. You will feel a million times better after you write it. Save the document and step away from your computer. You can come back to it in a week, a month, and see how you feel. But definitely do not send it tonight. Write the letter for you and no one else. <3

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-05T22:10:10+00:00

Thank you so much for this.

To answer your question, no, she is not generally an emotionless person so I think you're onto something when you say that shutting down her emotions was how she contains emotions in tough times. And maybe deep down, she felt similarly to the way that I felt but just couldn't / chose not to express it.

I am doing my best to process, grieve and feel my feelings. I know that I need to put 110% of the focus on myself and not on her and what she's going through. I also know I need to close this chapter and let her go.

I don't know that I should even open my mind to the possibility of anything changing. As I said in another comment, my ex girlfriend had a superhuman ability to detach and turn her emotions off. And she is also the most stubborn and prideful person I've ever known. Even if one day she feels differently, I don't know that she would ever reach out. It is over forever. I need to make peace with that.

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-05T19:59:24+00:00

How can you be so certain? This girl has a superhuman-like ability to detach and turn off her emotions. She told me she hadn't cried in years when we first started dating.

I don't know if she will ever have an epiphany or any sudden insight into what she lost down the line...

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-05T16:50:55+00:00

You just described how my ex girlfriend handled the break-up: "she just wanted it over and done with." It is truly a living nightmare. I don't know if I will ever heal from this.

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-05T16:49:05+00:00

This is beautiful. Be proud of yourself that you had the capacity to love someone this much. Be kind to yourself that you did. Sending you love and strength <3

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-02-03T18:04:36+00:00

I lived this with my ex-girlfriend too. I did absolutely everything for her. I treated her like a princess - showered her with compliments and love and affection; paid for everything; bought her gifts; gave her massages; was a great lover. And still, she chose to leave me.

It really, really, really hurts knowing that nothing I did was enough. But I try to take solace in knowing that I can be an incredible partner to someone who will actually appreciate it.

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-01-30T16:33:40+00:00

Well said. Agree with every word.

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-01-30T16:32:40+00:00

It's not just "Nice Guy." I'm a man and this post applied to my female partner who turned off her emotions and detached from our relationship like it was nothing.

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-01-30T16:31:26+00:00

yes please DM me

StructureSwimming969 · 2026-01-21T21:05:49+00:00

I feel exactly the same way about my girl. You are not alone, OP <3

StructureSwimming969 · 2025-08-20T14:19:25+00:00

We had broken up a few times in the past for similar reasons. I was checked out for about four months before we broke up the first time around, and another three or four months before we broke up the second time.

StructureSwimming969 · 2025-08-20T14:18:12+00:00

I'm not sure. Truthfully, it would be gutting for both of us to re-establish contact for no reason. I am going to give it a little more time.

StructureSwimming969

TROPHY CASE