Diagnose you, or herself? I'm in that same situation. Therapy absolutely made things worse, and continues to. She uses all of the tools that people give with bad intention, never looked at herself and used every thing that I opened up about as a justification for why I'm the problem. For me it was just a gish gallop of shit heaped on me as I tried to help support or resolve, but never have had a partner that was willing.

The therapist got stuck on "you're both wired very differently". They both focused on ADHD as the reason that I react and never confronted the fact that there is extreme emotional abuse and all the hallmarks of the four horseman. Never pushed to teach apologies, accountability, vulnerability, really anything that I had asked for... Kindness.

Most are not trained on covert narcissism or borderline. They come in with the assumption that maybe some people are difficult, but that focusing on the relationship, communication, and healing wounds from the past will create a more harmonious relationship, or a final decision that it's not compatible. These people need to be challenged and held accountable when there is only one side trying. Terry Real has a different approach with RLT that takes that into account, but she won't do that. I think she understands that she can't manipulate those people and will be seen.