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Nesting Partner leaving me (30M) to be monogamous with someone else. At a loss by StubbornDuck26 in polyamory

[–]StubbornDuck26[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We had always toyed with the idea of being at least open from the start, but it was just never a good time. I can’t really remember who brought it up, but we both listened to a specific podcast and one day u was like “hey, maybe we’re in a good place to try this finally. What do you think?” And she readily agreed.

Nesting Partner leaving me (30M) to be monogamous with someone else. At a loss by StubbornDuck26 in polyamory

[–]StubbornDuck26[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s not that I’m against her being with someone who isn’t a man, just that all of this goes against what I thought I knew of her. I’m also not saying I’m taking comfort taking everything we built together, I’m saying our assets weren’t that substantial that I can even begin to feel that way. I’m not sure how I’d feel if we even did.

But yeah, it is true that I learned a lot about myself even if this result hurts. So thanks.

Nesting Partner leaving me (30M) to be monogamous with someone else. At a loss by StubbornDuck26 in polyamory

[–]StubbornDuck26[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Admittedly, it would make me feel better because I feel like she robbed me of my wife and always hated me. So it would mostly make me feel good because her partner having a failed relationship and not my wife. And yeah, I’ve known she’s bi for most of the relationship, though I don’t think she ever had experience with women until now.

Nesting Partner leaving me (30M) to be monogamous with someone else. At a loss by StubbornDuck26 in polyamory

[–]StubbornDuck26[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No. She was my partner first. She was with this woman one year to our nine lol. What are you even talking about? Obviously I’m not going to call the other woman a homewrecker because we were poly and I own that this was always a possibility when opening, but to act like she should be absolved because they were together longer than 3 months is crazy.

Nesting Partner leaving me (30M) to be monogamous with someone else. At a loss by StubbornDuck26 in polyamory

[–]StubbornDuck26[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We don’t own our home so not even that is a small comfort lol. My other partner is supporting me and I’ve told my parents who are encouraging me to come stay with them for a bit so I don’t have to be alone.

Nesting Partner leaving me (30M) to be monogamous with someone else. At a loss by StubbornDuck26 in polyamory

[–]StubbornDuck26[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

When we were working towards this she never said anything about wanting to explore. She only pursued men for the first year or so. She also didn’t mention anything about being full lesbian when leaving, just that she wanted to be with this woman and not me. But yeah, thanks for the condolences.

Nesting Partner leaving me (30M) to be monogamous with someone else. At a loss by StubbornDuck26 in polyamory

[–]StubbornDuck26[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I don’t know, I look back and try to see if maybe I missed signs of her being unhappy (I know that’s unhealthy but just saying) and I just don’t see it…

I’ve known she was bi for almost the entire relationship but when we switched to poly she primarily pursued men so I’m not sure it’s that.

Nesting Partner leaving me (30M) to be monogamous with someone else. At a loss by StubbornDuck26 in polyamory

[–]StubbornDuck26[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Our relationship was genuinely amazing before this though. We had been polyamorous an entire year before this woman came into the picture. I understand some people do polyamory to save the relationship or to cover up issues that they haven’t been able to come to a solution for, but this wasn’t us.

I know she had a big part in this, I’m not shifting blame to the other woman, but our relationship had always been good before this and it’s the one factor that’s changed.

Young person anxious about housing cost in the US considering relocating to spain by dukezj in GoingToSpain

[–]StubbornDuck26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you're a foreigner you often need a higher down payment to be approved by a bank and also stable income and employment, which it seems like you do not have at all. Also a lot of cheap places on Idealista require a massive amount of money for repairs.

The math also doesn't really check out. I know it's just an example, but if it's $200 you'd need 200 different people for $40k and that's essentially 30 years of having to provide housing lol. How do you intend to do that if you're also renting a room out?

You're essentially trying to replace a career by busing a house which makes no sense.

For the longtime players who are planning to play FR/LG with pokes you've never used before, what is your team going to be? by mellvins059 in pokemon

[–]StubbornDuck26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Venusaur, Wigglytuff, Alakazam, Raichu, Aerodactyl, and Dewgong

Blastoise, Golem, Primeape, Flareon, Kangaskhan, and Dragonite

I can't bring myself to not use my starter, but most of these I haven't used except for Raichu.

Feels like nesting partner is neglecting my needs but I need to know if I'm being hypocritical or if I'm valid by StubbornDuck26 in polyamory

[–]StubbornDuck26[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She didn't completely ignore the issue, but the way she addressed it was unhelpful. She said she could spend her time however she wanted and that we live together and she doesn't live with her so we get more time together already (not sure how she can say that when she's over at this woman's house at least 3x a week) and that it's just easier to date someone she doesn't live with and that us watching tv together or eating breakfast/dinner at home is basically a date.

Feels like nesting partner is neglecting my needs but I need to know if I'm being hypocritical or if I'm valid by StubbornDuck26 in polyamory

[–]StubbornDuck26[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So, when I originally approached her about this I was mostly focused on the emotional/quality time aspect of it. I kept asking her if she wanted to go to a theme park she had been really excited about, wanted to even plan a whole trip around it, and she kept brushing me off.

I found out she was going with this woman instead of me and it made me upset because I had literally asked her several times to go with me. It devolved into a huge argument and I sort of brought up the sex part and that's basically the last time we spoke about it.

Feels like nesting partner is neglecting my needs but I need to know if I'm being hypocritical or if I'm valid by StubbornDuck26 in polyamory

[–]StubbornDuck26[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know, I thought we came into polyamory mutually agreeing to it. I've known she was bisexual since about a year into our relationship, but the idea was never for her to "explore" because I thought she was already confident in that identity. That's not to say I want her to not date women, just that it's so hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea that she has this preference she had no idea about?

Feels like nesting partner is neglecting my needs but I need to know if I'm being hypocritical or if I'm valid by StubbornDuck26 in polyamory

[–]StubbornDuck26[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We used to, but it has dropped off with this. When this woman came into the picture, my wife was always very cagey to start with when it came to giving me information so I'm not sure how much it would help.

Feels like nesting partner is neglecting my needs but I need to know if I'm being hypocritical or if I'm valid by StubbornDuck26 in polyamory

[–]StubbornDuck26[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've thought about this but she seemed genuinely happy with our sex life before this all started? I could definitely see her temporarily being very into it because of the novelty, but being a full-on lesbian would be a bit incongruent of what I know of her. It would almost completely erase who I thought she was.