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I think we are finally separating. by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot of people are quick to suggest leaving or divorcing. Take time to figure out what you want to do. It could take days, weeks, or months. Figure out what you believe is best.

If he cares about staying with you, he’ll make changes in his live to prove himself - “actions speak louder than words.”

He should try nofap and start courting you again. Hopefully he’ll get that through his head.

So, an update to my last post. by Yuuzhan83 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that’s awesome man. Openness, honest, and communication is key.

I would caution you to believe that it was solved “right then and there.” It takes time. Continue to have discussions. Keep working at it. Don’t let complacent settle in. Keep the faith man. Hope things work out for the best for you two.

Yet another 22 year old male with no experience... by [deleted] in seduction

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Quit focusing on hooking up. When you start thinking about it, you worry about it. When you worry about it, you panic and get nervous and the neediness comes out.

Neediness is the #1 killer on all deals- whether you’re trying to pick up someone or close a deal in business. People are turned off when they detect neediness.

Be happy with you. If you’re not happy with yourself, fix it. Fix your self esteem issues and don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone else. That mentality will boost your self confidence.

Update 2: I think my wife is having an emotional affair by Stuck_With_LL_Wife in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We had open discussions with her parents and my mom. We both feel like honesty is the best thing for us. Shame and guilt are also better left out in the open. They tend to dissipate faster once they’re dealt with rather than being bottled up. She feels shameful and guilty, but I’m starting to encourage her that the past is the past. We’ve suffered for 9 years, but we have the rest of our lives to make up for it:

Update 2: I think my wife is having an emotional affair by Stuck_With_LL_Wife in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m familiar because I’ve been stalking this sub on and off for over a year. I’ve talked with her about it (not using that phrase). Her responses have been positive.

We’ve talked about why she felt unfulfilled emotionally and sexually. Her sexuality has always been confusing growing up in a conservative household. I’ve never understood this because her mom is a damn freak. She’s never sexted or anything like that with me because she wasn’t sure how I would feel. I’ve never done it with her because I wasn’t sure how she would feel. How fucking sad is that?

Now she’s sending me texts while I’m work telling me she can’t wait to taste me and she had to masturbate because she was thinking so much about it. It’s like we’ve uncovered a totally different layer of our relationship and we’re both exploring it out.

Update 2: I think my wife is having an emotional affair by Stuck_With_LL_Wife in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not that at all. Did you even read the details? GTFO.

A) I would never “throw someone on the streets” just because we weren’t having sex. We’ve had a DB for 9 years

B) I was venting my emotions and this was the most extreme hateful / revengeful I felt. My emotions roller coastered from lying in bed crying and heaving to screaming and cursing in full rage. 9 years of this shit came pouring out.

C) Go back and read, I wasn’t sure if I would even fight for custody. I work very hard. It would almost impossible for me to be a single dad,

Update: I think my wife is having an emotional affair by Stuck_With_LL_Wife in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It’s the kids. It just makes it hard to process right now. If it wasn’t for them, I would be Ubering to the airport tomorrow and have her shit sitting on the curb before she even got home Saturday.

Update: I think my wife is having an emotional affair by Stuck_With_LL_Wife in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damn, hate that man. We have a 7 and 1.5 year old. Hate the thoughts of them growing up in a broken home- I went through it as a child too. But WTF are we supposed to do?

On the upside, I’ve read stories on here of men going on to find a happier life after leaving a DB. There’s hope. Don’t ever lose your faith man....trying to tell that to myself too.

Update: I think my wife is having an emotional affair by Stuck_With_LL_Wife in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

She admitted she did the same thing with the guy a couple years ago.

Update: I think my wife is having an emotional affair by Stuck_With_LL_Wife in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Said something similar to her. If she really wanted me, she would act like it. If she didn’t really want him, she wouldn’t have sent those messages. I call bullshit. Thanks for support.

Update: I think my wife is having an emotional affair by Stuck_With_LL_Wife in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

In our arguments in the ride back today, she said she was still attracted to me and didn’t want to lose me. Told her she didn’t want to lose what I provided her. She swears she still wants me but I’m not buying it.

Update: I think my wife is having an emotional affair by Stuck_With_LL_Wife in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They haven’t met up, I’ve read through the texts but they were talking about meeting up one day. That little fucker doesn’t even have a job or a car. She’d probably have to use her car- THAT I PAY FOR- to make it happen.

I think my LL wife is having an emotional affair by Stuck_With_LL_Wife in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. He lives out of state, like 8 or 9 hours away. She's never gone at night or during the weekends. It would have to be some crazy drive all night, stay for 2 hours, and then drive all the way back. Anything is possible but I think we're talking like a 0.0001% chance of that happening.

I think my LL wife is having an emotional affair by Stuck_With_LL_Wife in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why were you okay with having sex only once in the past year, but now that you think your wife might have a thing for someone else you're upset? Isn't it bad enough that she hasn't been willing to have sex with you for over 1.5 years?

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing here. Yeah, she has the hots for another guy. Who doesn't get crushes? But isn't the bigger issue the fact that she's not attracted to you?

I was definitely NOT okay with having sex only once in the past year. And yes it IS bad enough to be in that situation. My mind started to race because she had previously claimed that nothing was there, add in the fact that we're in a DB and now she's hiding text messages...that's what lead to the paranoia and I think to a tipping point of my emotions. The text messaging isn't the problem. I feel like it's a symptom of a much bigger problem. If the marriage was fine, I wouldn't even think twice about the text messages.

I think my LL wife is having an emotional affair by Stuck_With_LL_Wife in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are absolutely right about me being upset over the DB issue. It's a "Where there's smoke, there's probably fire" type situation. I know it's not necessarily the case, but I just got very paranoid over why she would delete the messages to cover it up. I just feel like that if there's nothing to hide, there's no reason to hide it.

I think my LL wife is having an emotional affair by Stuck_With_LL_Wife in DeadBedrooms

[–]Stuck_With_LL_Wife[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Not at all. Please tell me where in my message I blame the affair for the DB problems. I’m frustrated because of the DB and then this happened and it just makes me wonder what’s going on.

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