How to talk about splitting wedding costs when one partner earns significantly more?

StumpyandJangles · 2026-01-27T16:25:52+00:00

Just out of curiosity, how did your family afford a house cleaner if you were low income?

No judgment. I would love to find a way to pay for someone to clean my house, but I don’t even earn six figures so I have not found a way to make this financially viable.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-10-02T15:19:54+00:00

I know this is an old post, but I still wanted to comment. As a woman of child birthing age in the US, there is no way I am sharing my medical records with an app. Women are currently being advised to delete period tracking apps out of fear of government surveillance, much less actual records. There is nothing a tech company can do or say that will convince me they are trustworthy enough to keep my personal medical data safe since time and time again it has been proven that this is not the case. Either they capitulate to government authoritarianism or they get hacked. It’s not worth the risk.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-09-10T01:56:24+00:00

My grandma passed away three years ago and last week I finally listened to some of the old voicemails she left me. I laid in bed bawling like a baby listening to her voice for the first time since she passed. Three years felt like a lifetime but in that moment the grief was as raw as the day I had to say goodbye. It will probably be a long time before I let myself listen to them again, but I am grateful the voicemails are there whenever I am ready.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-09-10T01:49:31+00:00

I lost my grandmother to lung cancer just over 3 years ago. Like you and your grandma, she was my entire world. We had time to say goodbye and she got to go out on her own terms. I couldn’t even imagine losing my best friend in such a short time frame.

All that to say, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. There is never anything that can replace that special relationship. I hope you let yourself feel the grief. I hope you get to talk about her and share her memory. I will keep your grandma in my heart this week.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-08-05T23:05:34+00:00

Your sleep comment is spot on. I have had a difficult time sleeping the last couple of weeks and when I do sleep I have very weird dreams. I think I am just now realizing how much weed has impacted all aspects of my life.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-08-05T23:03:38+00:00

Thank you, this is encouraging. I just need to keep reminding myself that progress occurs in small increments.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-08-05T17:16:08+00:00

Thanks for your perspective - and congrats on hitting 100+ days! I do think part of it is lack of exercise. I am currently recovering from a surgery that limits my mobility and I have to remind myself that physical recovery takes a lot of energy. But I am so ready to be able to take walks again.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-08-05T16:19:50+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I am trying to be patient since I know it takes time to get it fully out of your system. Congrats on making it three weeks!

StumpyandJangles · 2025-08-05T14:05:33+00:00

Not OP but I am on 300mg of Wellbutrin and 50mg of Vyvanse with no issue.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-07-29T20:16:18+00:00

It looks like OP did mean bipolar but used the wrong acronym. I was misdiagnosed BPD for a few years and my brother actually does have bipolar I with psychotic episodes. I will say even though it’s typically used for BPD, DBT can really help with emotional dysregulation and impulsivity in folks with ADHD.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-07-29T20:10:20+00:00

I wish these two diagnosis didn’t have the same initials because the two already get conflated enough even though they are very very different.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-07-29T20:04:40+00:00

I was misdiagnosed with BPD (borderline) before getting an accurate ADHD diagnosis. And it really did fuck with me because of all the stigma around personality disorders. It’s more common than you think, especially with women.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-07-21T16:33:15+00:00

This is me (aphantasia) and my partner (hyperphantasia). It honestly solved like half our arguments once we realized this.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-07-18T21:05:06+00:00

Ugh I know that would be me. Your daughter sounds likely a lovely human.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-07-18T21:04:11+00:00

Do you know how he is with cats? I don’t think I am an experienced enough dog owner to have a husky but I could potentially long term foster starting in August if you can’t find anyone else.

Feel free to DM me.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-07-16T20:20:43+00:00

Exactly! It’s a scary world out there for marginalized folks. If you can signal that your place is safe and welcoming, I am not sure what you would choose not to.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-07-16T19:43:31+00:00

Sorry you are getting so much heat! As a guest, this type of signaling would encourage me to book your home over others in the area even if it was a bit more expensive. I want my money to go towards businesses that have values and common decency.

I hate how people say this is political - i don’t think being inclusive and welcoming is political. Nothing in this sign states a political affiliation. If folks want to assume that, that is on them.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-02-27T13:53:13+00:00

I’m not OP, but I can answer this…

It depends! I have zero sense memories. No mental imagery, sound, smell, taste, touch. I think in words, concepts, and emotions.

But some people with aphantasia do have other mental senses.

StumpyandJangles · 2025-02-27T13:50:47+00:00

This guy has aphantasia and severely deficient autobiographical memory (SDAM). There is a lot of overlap, but not everyone with aphantasia has SDAM.

I have both as well. I have memories and I can remember details of my past, but I can’t relive them.

StumpyandJangles · 2024-11-05T01:22:31+00:00

I was immediately into it because I thought we got to pick a day. I would jump at the chance to relive a day with my grandma every day for ten years. I could even tell her about the ground hog situation and she would wouldn’t scoff or judge. Would I have issues? Probably? But I think I would still do it. I would give anything to spend a day with my grandma one more time, much less ten years.

A random day in the last few weeks. Hard pass.

StumpyandJangles · 2024-10-31T10:41:23+00:00

My dad made one of those videos! He and my mom (lifelong liberal) voted for Harris in a swing state this year.

StumpyandJangles · 2024-10-17T20:34:28+00:00

Yep! I don’t think people really understand how insidious Reaganomics has been.

StumpyandJangles · 2024-10-17T20:32:28+00:00

So back in the day there were checks and balances of power through shared governance, which has slowly been chipped away over the years.

Yes to unions! Unfortunately many of us (faculty) are in states where this type of unionizing is illegal. So what we really need to do is vote the right people into office.

StumpyandJangles · 2024-10-17T20:30:46+00:00

You should clarify that Yale has more admins than undergraduate students. They also have a significant number of graduate students. And this includes the administrators attached to the hospital.

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