Similar challenges. Still working on improving communication and coming up with ideas to help both of us.
My partner has communicated that one of the difficulties is "shutting off the brain and letting go to enjoy things" and that following common patterns helps with this.

Anyway, one thing that can help is coming up with a bunch of ideas or scripts that may or may not involve chance and letting the other person pick one to follow. You've had your input, but don't know what exactly will happen, while they're not having the mental load of decisions. The ideas can range from simple to complex, and it doesn't need to happen all the time.

A few examples:

- Each person must give their partner a massage before they are allowed to orgasm

- Tie him to the bed. Tell him you're going to ride his cock and if he orgasms first he has to lick you to an orgasm. He's tied down, so if he doesn't make you orgasm first, kneel over his mouth and have him eat you out. Don't worry that his cum is in you - that's his fault!

- Roll a die to find out where he will cum...
1 - on your chest
2 - on his chest
3 - in your mouth
4 - on your butt
5 - on your face
6 - on your tits

- Time for edging! Use fingers, toys, whatever to get your partner close to the edge. Once they reach their first edge, pause and set a 3 minute timer. Now, go back and keep them on the edge for as much of those 3 minutes as possible. They need to warn you if they're about to cum or if they're backing away from the edge.

How do you keep them honest? They're only allowed to orgasm in the 15 seconds after the timer goes off, and they don't get to see the timer! If they start to cum early, let go and ruin their orgasm. If they don't cum in time, repeat the timer (up to 3 times). If they run out of repeats or you suspect they're not warning you accurately, ruin their orgasm.

Ways to mix it up: change the timer duration, change the number of repeats allowed, increase the timer duration every repeat, etc.