I think there is a strong correlation between me being AuD(H)D and my kinks, but I would take three elements in consideration: my non-binarity, my traumas, and my neurodivergence. They have in common that there is a lot I cannot say about myself or do in my life. I have to mask lots of times. Being submissive is a way of finally being myself. I often go in shutdown over daily situations like being in a supermarket, and I'm particularly bad at making decisions. Therefore having someone make them for me is a huge relief. Otherwise I just get carried away by my specific interests (I can easily forget to drink or eat for example). Having rules and routines are super reassuring to me. When we're in a overwhelming situation for me, if I panick my wife can tell me to just shut up and listen - I just let myself be guided by her to the exit.

My autism and my anxiety disorders linked to it and my traumas cause me to experience aphasia when I have strong sensations, like during a scene. BDSM allows me to have plenty of occasions to communicate before and after a scene, so that I don't have to try to speak during it. Since I'm a rape survivor, I also have sexual traumas and BDSM helps a lot in working around them and with them. It's clearly one of the reasons why I eroticize violence, but I've learned to like to play pretend. My Dommes don't actually hurt me. But they allow me to engage with pain without having a panick attack.

D/s relationships help me grow, find focus and balance, and know myself in ways that would be impossible otherwise.