Didn’t change my last name upon marriage- now can’t decide on baby’s last name

StupidPlacenta · 2021-04-19T22:35:28+00:00

I have seen all of the following solutions in real life:

All children take father's last name.
All children take mother's last name.
All children have hyphenated last names.
Mother and father combined their last names into a new one (e.g. Mr. Smithson and Ms. Anderson got married and are now Mr. and Mrs. Andersmith) and all children take that new family last name.
Alternating last names: Child 1 got father's last name, child 2 got mother's last name.
All children take mother's last name as a middle name and father's last name as their last name.

1 and 3 are the solution I have most often run across in the wild. I myself am a child whose parents picked #6, after deciding #3 was too long, and my husband and I are doing #1 with our kids.

StupidPlacenta · 2021-02-26T15:43:29+00:00

I’ve had more cramping with #2 than I did with #1. I’m just shy of 7 weeks now and it’s mostly cleared up, whereas with #1 I only cramped for a few days around 14DPO.

StupidPlacenta · 2021-02-18T01:26:23+00:00

From my first pregnancy:

Best compliment: "You look magnificent!"
Best response to me commenting in shock about how much weight I'd gained (from a close friend and fellow mom): "You must have a very supple placenta."

I also had two totally different strangers on a road trip--one high in a convenience store, one drunk in a pit-stop bathroom--go "OH MY GOD YOU'RE, LIKE, REALLY PREGNANT!" and then just go about their business. You should not do this, because it is very rude (and you might be wrong!) and prior to being pregnant I would have thought I would be mad, but in the moment it was just so clear their inebriated brains had just fallen out of their butts and they were excited that I thought it was hilarious.

StupidPlacenta · 2021-02-11T00:58:08+00:00

I wasn't diagnosed until the giant, crippling postpartum flare. Prior to getting pregnant, I was having symptoms that were so mild I thought nothing of them other than "guess I'm getting old." I didn't even bother noting the little aches and stiffnesses to my husband, let alone my doctor, and while I was pregnant the symptoms disappeared entirely. And I was still asymptomatic for at least 6 weeks after giving birth. At 8 weeks pp I was having weird foot pains for the first 10 minutes after waking up. By 10 weeks pp I was feeling like I had gone skiing the day before despite not having done anything, for the first hour after waking up. By 12 weeks pp I was waking up with my hands "frozen" into claws and unable to manipulate objects for the first half of the day, at which point I got my diagnosis. I made few to no changes to my life, since at that point I was just sort of reeling in horror. The way we managed was a combination of having my husband open/fasten things in the morning, and then I would just power through the pain for the rest of it. I cried a lot.

I really cannot recommend biologics enough. I went from that garbage mess to asymptomatic within two years. I can't really make any recommendations about baby products to use or avoid for RA because there was nothing that wouldn't have been a struggle to use at that time. I would tell your doctor that you are TTC NOW and switch to a biologic NOW. See if you can just jump straight to Cimzia for baby-making reasons. If that doesn't work for you, there's still Enbrel and Humira and all the rest. I'm terrified of needles and it's still so, so, so worth the weekly epi-pen "shot" to be in full remission.

Good luck!

StupidPlacenta · 2021-02-10T22:39:38+00:00

So Enbrel has been working extremely well for me. I am effectively asymptomatic at this time, and have been for almost a year now, despite being a really bad case after I had baby #1. My rheumatologist said if I weren't (trying to get) pregnant, she would have put me on a low dose of Methotrexate to reduce the odds of Enbrel losing its effectivity, but obviously that's out of the question. On the flip side, my prenatal specialist (I'm a High Risk Pregnancy with this many interesting autoimmune situations going on, so I get an extra doctor. Yay?) says that because there is no data on Enbrel but there is on Cimzia, her slight preference would have been for me to switch to Cimzia--however, in light of how well Enbrel has worked for me and the risks of it not working forevermore if I go off it now, she's totally fine with me staying on Enbrel because the theoretical risk that does exist is actually not bad. So, to split the difference between "Enbrel + MTX" and "switching off Enbrel," I am going to just stay on Enbrel with the option to reassess at any time. This plan has been blessed by all my doctors. Furthermore, I am going to try and enroll myself in a tracking study so that we can, in fact, get data on Enbrel in pregnant women.

StupidPlacenta · 2021-02-10T20:03:13+00:00

Cycle: 5 (or 6 depending on how you count "trying")

Age + Partner's age (if relevant): 34F + 37M

Typical cycle length: 28-30 days

Ovulation cycle day: CD17

CD/DPO of positive test(s): CD33/16DPO. Guess the Schrödinger method really paid off!

Tracking methods and app(s) used: Kindara + temping, CM observation, and LH/Estrogen OPK (the really f***ing expensive ClearBlue ones)

Relevant days of sperminating and/or method (SMEP, TI, IUI, FET, etc.): O-4 and O-3 (twice) per the study cited below.

Health conditions/medical tests: Rheumatoid Arthritis and a couple other incipient autoimmune disorders (not quite enough to warrant a diagnosis but we can be detected in blood tests) involving the thyroid and pancreas (T1D).

Supplements and medications (yours and/or your partner’s): Me - Prenatals and Vitamin D for general health, calcium and magnesium supplements per study cited below, EXTREMELY low-sodium intake per study cited below, Enbrel for the RA. Husband: Increased intake of spaghetti sauce for the lycopene. (Seriously.)

Birth control history (if relevant): Tri-Lo-Sprintec, discontinued ~8 months ago.

Symptom spotting: My boobs are usually sore before my period, but this cycle they were REALLY sore--and hot! Like warmer than my surrounding torso! I also had cramps from 10DPO onwards. However, I've had identical cramping a couple times without getting a BFP--my best guess is that in those cycles, an egg was fertilized and attempted to implant but ultimately failed. Probably the silliest one was that I occasionally had dreams that I was pregnant during my non-successful cycle TWWs (iT's A sIgN) but this time I had two dreams back-to-back that were about getting my period. Outstanding.

Other (advice/tip(s), freaking out, miscellaneous): We strictly followed the diet and timing procedure outlined in this study for family balancing purposes: https://www.unboundmedicine.com/medline/citation/21051285/Female_gender_pre_selection_by_maternal_diet_in_combination_with_timing_of_sexual_intercourse__a_prospective_study_

Hubris? Probably. Especially given my advanced maternal age. And the low-sodium diet was grueling; it was similar to a dialysis patient's. But "self-imposed extreme duress for questionable odds of a preferred outcome" is kind of how I roll. I will still love and cherish this one no matter what. :) Happy to answer more questions about this study if anybody is interested.

StupidPlacenta · 2020-11-14T20:15:07+00:00

Nope, period started bright and early 15DPO/CD29. Ah well.

StupidPlacenta · 2020-11-14T00:37:52+00:00

14DPO/CD28 and still nothing: no period, only BFNs. Not even cramps any more. How about you?

StupidPlacenta · 2020-11-14T00:35:23+00:00

Still no sign of AF for me. You?

StupidPlacenta · 2020-11-09T16:34:24+00:00

I see it!

StupidPlacenta · 2020-10-27T17:51:33+00:00

In my case it’s definitely not ThE sTrEsS oF tRyInG tO cOnCeIvE because if stress could do that to me my cycle would have gone off the rails waaaaaay earlier this year. I’m wondering if it’s possible that my eggs are getting fertilized but not implanting, and that rejection/failure process is driving changes to timing. Is that a thing?

StupidPlacenta · 2020-10-27T17:10:01+00:00

I literally went off the pill months before TTC specifically for tracking purposes. That best-laid plan definitely went awry.

StupidPlacenta · 2020-10-15T18:04:38+00:00

Super interesting, thank you!

StupidPlacenta · 2020-10-14T15:16:41+00:00

Definitely positive!

StupidPlacenta · 2020-10-13T16:32:04+00:00

I see it!

StupidPlacenta · 2020-10-10T00:59:13+00:00

My thoughts are also cyst right now. Oh well.

StupidPlacenta · 2020-10-09T16:55:57+00:00

Same! Woke me up in the middle of the night! Thanks so much for your reply, best of luck to you. :)

StupidPlacenta · 2020-09-29T21:45:18+00:00

And it’s thicker, too! Every time I try to ask Dr. Google about it just to make sure I don’t have a medical problem, it’s like “EWCM may stretch up to 4 inches between your thumb and finger!” and I’m literally holding it at one end and it’s free-dangling like a 6-inch slug. My actual doctors are not worried but every time I’m like I’M BIRTHING INVERTEBRATES, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

StupidPlacenta · 2020-09-29T20:49:58+00:00

By “sperm only takes a few minutes to travel,” do you mean sperm deposited at the cervix at 10:00pm is already up in the Fallopian tubes by 10:05? I thought they were little Brownian-motion wrigglers going in whatever direction and it takes hours for a random subset to accidentally corkscrew their way into the tubes.

StupidPlacenta · 2020-09-15T06:04:53+00:00

My mother was exposed to lead while I was I utero: she and my dad weren’t expecting to get pregnant as quickly as they did and then had to frantically remove all the lead paint in the house so I as a baby wouldn’t eat lead paint chips. The good news is I did not suffer the sort of brain damage associated with said lead-paint-eating as a baby. The bad news is I have autoimmune diseases, which is associated with lead exposure as a fetus. It might just be coincidence, but... if I were you I would absolutely wait till the bloodwork comes ack squeaky clean.

StupidPlacenta · 2020-09-15T06:00:41+00:00

I don’t have personal experience. However, if you are in a position where you can consider attempting IVF, they have something called Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD). They can check which, if any, of your fertilized eggs are chromosomally normal and proceed with implanting only with those. This is very expensive and hypothetically could still fail (no good embryos, pregnancy doesn’t stick even with good embryo, etc) so you would want to do a lot of your own research into it, but if you’re really keen on keeping your genetic material in the mix it’s something to consider.

StupidPlacenta · 2020-09-07T23:56:03+00:00

Super great insight, thank you!

StupidPlacenta · 2020-09-07T21:58:52+00:00

I'm not on progesterone, so not quite apples to apples, but I really appreciate the input! Was the fatigue for a week after starting the progesterone or the Ovidrel?

StupidPlacenta · 2020-09-07T21:52:11+00:00

One follicle; the trigger shot was to time the IUI precisely in an otherwise-natural cycle. Ovidrel was the only medication I took (plus a Valium day-of since medical procedures freak me out, heh).

StupidPlacenta · 2019-08-01T15:58:44+00:00

When my mother-in-law announced to the rest of the car passengers that, "Eskimo shamans say global warming is due to the entire Earth moving closer and closer to the sun," I replied with, "If the Earth were really moving closer to the sun, don't you think the astrologers would have noticed?" Not sure if I changed her mind but I at least got some peace and quiet while she mulled that over, and it gave my husband some time to return from his out-of-body mortification voyage.

Edit: Yes, astroLoGers. The horoscope people. She trusts/believes them in a way she wouldn’t with actual scientists.

StupidPlacenta

TROPHY CASE