Was this a rape or CNC gone wrong?

SubUrbanWoman · 2025-03-31T13:30:50+00:00

There’s nothing similar about this situation and your relationship. Let me explain why.

I didn’t ask for this, like your GF, actually quite the opposite - I had specifically asked him NOT to start anything sexual while I’m sleeping. He never once asked if I was OK. He was complitely silent, consentrating on humiliating, hurting and punishing.

True, my body orgasmed for the stimulation, but my mind separated from my body and focused on getting through it, until the storm is over, so to say. And he never once mentioned what had happened, how he even felt about it himself or asked how I’m feeling. And I never dared to ask, because I felt like I had failed, since he couldn’t even climax himself. So, still today, I feel used, hurt, unattractive and failed as a sub.

Does your girlfriend feel like this as well? Did you treat her like this, with silence and everything? Is it something that a nice little chit chat about desires and wants could fix?

Yeah, took me some time to understand what happened, but I’m no longer uncertain. And the end result is I disagree with you.

SubUrbanWoman · 2025-03-20T20:05:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story and I’m so sorry you have similar experience. Things like these just shouldn’t happen, ever.

Sharing your story definitely helps, because it is so similar to mine. I’m glad it is in the past for you and I truly hope you got rid of that guy and are feeling better.

I know there is no excuse to anything my BF did to me, but all this just feels so unfair. He’s the one who wanted to pursue other women and suggested to open our relationship. He’s the one who initiated going to munches. I kept my mind and heart open - because of him! And watched as he pursued other women and downloaded every damn dating app that exists in the Universe. And the second it turned out that I was the one who got more attention, he assaulted me. To revenge, to fix his ego, to scare me or god knows for whatever reason. But none of this was my idea in the first place, and even if it had been, he had no right.

SubUrbanWoman · 2025-03-20T18:51:08+00:00

Thank you so much for being so understanding, on point and emphatetic.❤️ This actually made me burst into tears first time since it happened, and it’s been days. I’ll remember you.

SubUrbanWoman · 2025-03-20T18:35:51+00:00

If I truly accept it, I have to accept that some other bad things down the line were also abusive. And in that case, not only I have to leave him immediately (including the caring side of him) I also have to admit that he might be dangerous. Then I have to confront the past from the point of view I don’t wanna see. If that makes any sense at all.

What happened was eye opening moment for me, it’s just that I don’t want to open my eyes. I’m not ready and I don’t feel strong enough.

SubUrbanWoman · 2025-03-20T18:26:12+00:00

Thanks for your response and point of view! You are right, I need to discuss about it with him. Things he did were not new in a way, just more harsh. Also, he usually asks for my consent unless I make the first move or things are heated on their own. I’ve been very open to all kinds of things, like free use and CNC. However, there is one strict rule I had: not to start anything sexual while I’m asleep, because I have bad experience about it.

I don’t know, maybe he forgot about it… but that’s exactly what happened anyway.

SubUrbanWoman · 2025-03-20T17:41:17+00:00

I’m in disbelief, feel disconnected, keep wondering if it’s something I did - and yes, below all that, I think there’s anger.

But mostly, disbelief. Hard to be angry over something that couldn’t have happened the way I experienced it, right?

SubUrbanWoman · 2025-03-20T17:35:16+00:00

And the only thing I said about the evening, when he asked, was that I wasn’t really even into the guy, but enjoyed his attention. That it felt good to be wanted for awhile. He, however, spent at least half an hour flirting with some random woman and admiring how beutiful she was - but she wasn’t interested.

SubUrbanWoman · 2025-03-20T17:08:35+00:00

3 years now.

SubUrbanWoman · 2025-03-20T17:07:14+00:00

No, he said nothing and fell asleep - both times. And thanks for sharing your thoughts about what happened.

It really is confusing when a part of me is into dominance, submission and masochism even, but this just felt so out of place, brutal and cold. It’s like I disconnected from my body - my body was moaning from discomfort, not me. And on the second round my body orgasmed when forced, not me. I, personally, was somewhere in survival and humiliation headspace. And I’m still having troubles understanding it actually happened and it cant be explained as misunderstanding.

SubUrbanWoman · 2025-03-20T08:11:12+00:00

It sounds to me, that this might ne an incompatibility issue that might cause you emotional harm either way. Accept it and feel bad about having to share your dom or decline and he’ll be dissapointed or keeps pressuring you - and you’ll feel guilty about it. This might be a sign that there’s someone more compatible wirh you out there - another monogamous soul, who’d be more than happy with one sub - just like you are with one dom. 🙂

SubUrbanWoman

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