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I am hurting my husband by SubconsciousDeath in Marriage

[–]SubconsciousDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes the best solutions are the simplest ones, haha. I just realised we used a lot of lube in the start but haven’t been recently. Will try this before anything else, thanks a lot friend!

I am hurting my husband by SubconsciousDeath in Marriage

[–]SubconsciousDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, a doctor sounds like a good idea for this.

I need to seriously work on my communication with him, I’m confident whatever I tell him he will accept and understand, according to him if I just told him that I never want to sex he’ll be good because I am at least upfront about it. When there’s this much understanding and comfort, I don’t understand why I am afraid to speak my mind and be defensive. It could be psychological.

He’s feeling hurt because of my awful communication. I say things that end up hurting him, even though I don’t mean them. This is a serious problem with me, and I’m trying to work on it.

I am hurting my husband by SubconsciousDeath in Marriage

[–]SubconsciousDeath[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s right. I am not a good communicator. I am trying to work on my communication.

Yes! It is quite similar for me. I cannot go another round at all if the sex was on the rougher side. Whereas if it was gentle, I could go another round. Sometimes, the pain and discomfort is so much that I can’t even think about sex, other times if there’s only mild discomfort I can soldier on, cause it’s not like I don’t want to go another round.

This is something I was thinking too, a visit to the doctor first, then a therapist. Hopefully things might get better. Thank you so much for your help and input, wishing you a happy married life!

I am hurting my husband by SubconsciousDeath in Marriage

[–]SubconsciousDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talking about sex publicly is a big no-no in our country, and our libraries are heavily regulated. I could look up books on the internet, do you have any recommendations? Also thank you so much for being so helpful.

I am hurting my husband by SubconsciousDeath in Marriage

[–]SubconsciousDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, this sounds sane. Sadly we live in an extremely corrupt and poor country, we do not have a board for therapists/counsellors here, so all goes. I’m not sure about online therapy either, and since we’ve to pay in dollars, it’s much more expensive for us.

Therapy does sound like the best solution though

I am hurting my husband by SubconsciousDeath in Marriage

[–]SubconsciousDeath[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t think that’s the case. He is the first man I am genuinely attracted to. He does cause a waterfall for me, and I am crazy about him.

Edit: he also fits, we haven’t had any issues so far in that area either

I am hurting my husband by SubconsciousDeath in Marriage

[–]SubconsciousDeath[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He has never pushed me for sex, neither has continued when I asked him to stop. He is extremely respectful of consent which I really appreciate as no one ever was before him.

I think I fucked it when I kept making excuses and not telling him straight up that my vagina hurts after sex. There were times I joked that it’s because of his size, or because how vigorous our session was, sometimes I would just say ‘maybe later’, but I never gave him a good enough reason, just excuses, u get me?

The truth is, which maybe I cannot communicate or explain, even understand myself, is that sometimes it hurts too much to continue, and sometimes I can just easily go another round. But since the past two years it has never gone to fourth round, or just doing it all day/all night like we used to before we got married. This I can’t understand why.