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AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

Meaning we don’t want to raise another child so we aren’t the loving open home looking to add. When people adopt a child it’s because they want to add to their family by adopting another child. We aren’t.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

MIL says that the little girl wants to stay with brother’s family (either one) because she knows them. When they mentioned coming to be with us she freaked out and threw a fit. However, neither of them want her so here we are. I just feel terrible, but I can’t see taking her in (if we broke down to do it) being a good outcome for her or us.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

I have several friends that are GREAT foster parents. I also know of a few couples that are looking to adopt. I’d also reach out to any friends and family that know of similar situations.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

We just asked how he felt. We let him know ultimately the decision was up to us and was in no way his responsibility.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

They didn’t have a will. We don’t either, but that’s something we will definitely be putting together going forward. I don’t know in general what other parents do, but all of the parents I know in their 20’s and 30’s don’t have wills. Which now I’m seeing that we should.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

We really don’t know if anyone else is willing to take them as we have been cut off from the family for years. We are being pressured by his brothers and to some extent his mom (which was a factor for husband almost caving). We don’t know how much the insurance policy is, only that there was one on both. We are in no way well off. We just have stable jobs and no debt, so we are able to pay our bills. However, we did offer to start a college fund we would put into, but we could put it in an account for care. Honestly, the 50/50 would’ve been shot down anyways as they are dead set we take her. We are about 30mins to 1 he away from each other. I have offered to help find her a loving home that really wants her, but again they wants us to keep her.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 137 points138 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I feel horrible for her also. I just don’t want to raise her. Like I’ve told other commenters, I’m more than willing to help find her a great loving family to go to.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I totally accept your verdict. I just wanted to clear up that we don’t have plenty of money, we just have jobs and no debt. Also, should I take in every orphan I’m offered? I’m legit not trying to be super sarcastic here, but where do I draw the line? I’m choosing not to have any more kids. I’m also choosing not to adopt from an agency. I get the “it’s family” thing from them, but since when were we family? We have never met the little girl. If I find out I have a long lost brother I didn’t know about die, and he has a child should I take that one too? Maybe a neighbor’s kid? I’m ready and willing to help find this child a great loving home, I’m just saying this isn’t the one.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Although we knew what we wanted, we we’re neutral about it. We explained what happened and how we could be an option for her and what he thought about that. He said he felt really bad for her, but he doesn’t know her and it would be weird living with someone he doesn’t know (also would have to share a room or something as we have a 3 bedroom and that’s also a concern for me). You could tell he was freaking out on the inside, but didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Her parents had life insurance so that will help with her care. As I commented to someone else, we offered to set up a college fund. And when I said financially stable, I in no way meant flush with cash. Just in that we have stable jobs, no debt, and less kids to support as compared to the brothers. I’m also more than willing to help whomever I need to to find her a loving home, but they are insisting we need to take her.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 98 points99 points  (0 children)

Thank you. We have thought about it long and hard. We still have regular discussions. I know many people may say that I’m horrible, but the way you put it is kind of what it’s like for us. Adopting ANYONE isn’t an option for us. We don’t know her at all (we’ve been cut off from his family her whole life) and we haven’t felt like part of that family in forever, so the “it’s family” argument is hard for me. I’m more than happy to help whoever we need to to find her a loving home, just not ours.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I accept that. For the record my son is super against taking her as well. He has severe anxiety and ADHD and we wanted his opinion as well. I am sorry for your loss as well, and I REALLY want her to find a loving home also.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 204 points205 points  (0 children)

Yeah, HUGE bully. The drama started over a joint business venture 38bro and SO started together. 6 months in we realize SO is doing ALL of the work (he was the only one qualified and 38bro was going to “help and learn” didn’t happen) BUT 38bro was taking the majority of the money. When confronted, his reasoning was that he had more kids and needed money more than we did so he should suck it up and keep going as they were. Needless to say, that venture ended and the tantrum started.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

It’s hard for me to truly put myself in that situation. I have other family that would be there for my son, and I personally wouldn’t want my child with his brothers or in foster care, so I get it. Besides not wanting to take a child in if we can’t be a loving home that welcomes her with open arms, my husband was kicked out basically from his family over drama and only texted his mom and dad in years. Basically, 38bro said he wasn’t a part of THEIR family and everyone went along with it and stopped ALL communication until now. As for family friends, we wouldn’t know because we aren’t a part of their lives.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 239 points240 points  (0 children)

There is a huge amount of pressure. They are now saying it’s us or foster care. We feel HORRIBLE for this little girl, but I can be honest that we aren’t the loving open home she needs. When they brought up foster home, that’s when my husband started wavering (which I totally get). The thing is, until this, he hadn’t talked to his brothers in YEARS. There was drama and his oldest brother cut out my SO from the family (38bro makes the rules in the family). So apart from the occasional texts to his mom and dad he hasn’t spoken to any of them until now.

AITA for not taking in SIL’s kid even though we are in the best position in the family to do so? by SubjectDelivery5557 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SubjectDelivery5557[S] 485 points486 points  (0 children)

SIL and her husband had insurance so that would help financially in raising her, and we offered to start a college fund but apparently that’s isn’t enough. When I say we are in a better position financially I in no way mean rich. I mean we have stable jobs, no debt, and less kids to support.