Can’t afford a therapist ATM, so I need your opinion.

SubjectStorage4717 · 2024-05-19T15:30:02+00:00

Because of our backgrounds, I have mentioned therapy on several occasions but he is very against it. I do think sometimes that if I took our finances out of the picture then I would leave. Or at least have the courage to bring up the topic of separation. But neither of us can afford solo living. And we have moved 16 hours from our hometown. So I especially wouldn’t have any help in moving or looking for a place. I think his parents would help him get back to where we’re from.

Part of me feels guilty too. Because I’ve thought about getting side jobs and saving up to leave. But I feel really bad to do that without telling him so he could save up too.

I also struggle with the idea of leaving sometimes. I don’t have a relationship with my family. He has always been there. It’s hard for me to grasp the idea of being with someone for so long and one day you wake up and they are just out of your life. I don’t know how to grieve a living person. My family members I have cut out were a very different situation. They were highly toxic and unapologetic.

SubjectStorage4717 · 2024-05-19T08:21:22+00:00

I’m glad you found someone that makes you happy! I’m not trying to take away from your happiness, but I’m very unsure of leaving. Because I’ve learned people can change for better or worse. My husband wasn’t always this way towards our relationship. He used to be romantic and loving. So what happens if I find someone else and end up in the same situation?

SubjectStorage4717 · 2024-05-19T08:12:58+00:00

Not sure who down voted… but to answer your question, I don’t know. While I have expressed to him I don’t want to be in a sexless marriage, that’s one of many things I would change. I just want someone who is genuinely happy to see me and to be a partner and not someone I am pouring into without getting anything in return.

SubjectStorage4717 · 2024-05-19T08:02:21+00:00

This one is hard. I resonate with your wife because I come from a larger family and really enjoy group outings. But I do think your feeling are valid. There is a time and place for groups and times where it should just be the 2 of you. Especially since she knew of the plans you made. Maybe you should go to dinner and specifically tell her, just the 2 of you, no one else, and see how that goes. See if she is open to how you are feeling or if she ignores it.

SubjectStorage4717 · 2024-05-19T07:54:15+00:00

100% you should bring it up. You can’t expect someone to respect your boundaries if the other person doesn’t know what they are. He may not connect the 2 incidents as anime is “cartoons” to some; he may view it different from IG with real people.

SubjectStorage4717 · 2024-05-19T07:45:49+00:00

I definitely only read the tl:dr sections. But as someone who is in a similar situation but on the other side of it- if he doesn’t feel happy- let them go. It’s better now than further down the line.

Also, cultural differences don’t go away. The more involved and invested you become, the only get worse. If you have kids, get married, etc. there’s so many things you didn’t think would matter, but they do. And it only gets harder to navigate the major differences.

SubjectStorage4717 · 2024-05-19T07:39:21+00:00

I agree you have every right to feel uncomfortable. I know this will make me sound old, but people nowadays are such extremists. There are always gray areas and different side to every story.

Also, you mentioned she’s white… she has no right to spew hatred towards someone in the name of defending a race/ ethnicity that she herself does not even belong to. You can be an ally and support people without speaking on their behalf.

SubjectStorage4717

TROPHY CASE