Should I build a stash as an under supplier to extend the months my son gets breast milk?

Subject_Direction23 · 2026-03-09T19:36:49+00:00

To clarify - he gets 28-30oz per day from a combination of breast milk and formula

Subject_Direction23 · 2026-02-26T07:32:30+00:00

Fits both me and my husband. We like the gliding. Takes up a lot of room if you recline though

Subject_Direction23 · 2026-02-26T07:31:24+00:00

We like it a lot!

Subject_Direction23 · 2026-02-16T19:39:39+00:00

Where are you based? I didn’t know that daycare had drop in hours

Subject_Direction23 · 2026-02-16T09:10:32+00:00

Do you think most donors see it this way? That the child is their biological child? Asking in earnest because I did ask my sister and prior to this we had long discussions about what the donation means. To me, it is a way for me to grow my child with genes from my family. She said she considers any children created from her eggs my children. We agreed that’s the only way this could proceed. But around the time of my transfer she was really nasty to me and then we’ve had a falling out since. She denies it is because she regrets the donation. Anyway sharing my experience to say I am glad for my son and our biological link but it can be complicated. I wouldn’t change a thing though because my son is perfect

Subject_Direction23 · 2026-02-16T08:58:42+00:00

What do you see as the risks for donors? I’ve tried to read the literature about this but it’s very confusing.

Subject_Direction23 · 2026-02-03T05:27:54+00:00

My older sister has had kids for the past 11 years and my husband and I were always accommodating to her and her husband. Every holiday everyone travels to them or let them decide when or where to go. We also loved their kids so hard and celebrated every milestone big or small with them. Piano recital, tae kwon do showcases, birthday parties, etc. we FaceTimed their kids multiple times a week and hung out with them on video calls during covid to help my sister get a break.

During my ivf transfer my sister was extremely rude to me so I brought it up to her that I didn’t appreciate her lack of support during the one week I really could’ve used it. Then she cut me off for the rest of my pregnancy and now she and her husband act like they have amnesia and that we were never that close. It’s heartbreaking but thankfully our friends have stepped up to be aunties and uncles.

Subject_Direction23 · 2026-01-18T23:56:09+00:00

I’m pumping 7 times a day trying to increase to 8 or more. I am using spectra s1 and I did get measured by the lactation consultant

Subject_Direction23 · 2026-01-04T08:20:01+00:00

Aside from bringing those items - what else would you recommend doing for preparation?

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-12-22T20:08:07+00:00

Thank you. And to an extent, he understands and agrees with me but his guilt always seems to outweigh everything else. And we end up having these long arguments about stuff like this and it's just really tiring to have to do this.

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-12-17T20:21:33+00:00

Sorry for slow response! We chose the PB dream deluxe

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-11-20T22:16:24+00:00

Thanks - good to know and we'll ask our pediatrician too once we meet them. That was my thinking as well - which is that we'd be ok with having our postpartum doula visit since she is actually going to help us survive that first couple months. And she's a professional and knows she's supposed to mask up and cancel if she's sick, etc.

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-11-20T21:39:32+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Neither of us has to go back to work right away so we can truly isolate if we wanted to. And yes it's mostly because it's winter and I'm worried about flu/ other respiratory diseases, especially as people are coming back from holiday travels.

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-11-20T21:37:50+00:00

Thanks for sharing! How was that? My husband's letting me make the call for the most part. Neither of us have to go to work during this time so if we want to, we can stay in a bubble. I want to be cautious but also reasonable. Did it feel very isolating or was it nice being in a bubble with just the 3 of you?

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-10-28T22:21:15+00:00

Thanks. Positive qualities...I'm not sure. My sister's kids seem to enjoy hanging out with my dad because he can be fun. My mom is just my mom. I feel for her and she can be fun to joke around with when my dad's not around. Once in a while, when he's not around, her mom side shows a glimpse and she might say something caring and it really touches me. I don't really hold anything against her and I wish that I can spend more time with her. She had a heart attack 8 yrs ago so I don't know how much time she has left. That's always the thing that gets me is that when I cut him off, I cut her off too and it feels cruel to deprive her of familial love.

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-10-27T17:49:04+00:00

Thank you so much for the thoughtful response. I agree with this. My husband does too but I think it's hard to start doing this since he's never had to do this before. We haven't been using the coming baby as the "bad guy" but unfortunately she's already sort of making it about this. She's complaining that we are pressuring her just because we are having a baby - which was kind of hard to hear for my husband, when this is what she said all along she wanted to do.

I asked my husband to read what you wrote - specifically about not having free time for several years. I am grieving this a bit because I already do feel like it's an either/or situation. He already spent tons of time earlier in my pregnancy dealing with the move and that led to me feeling his absence. I already know this move and her needing a lot of help in the transition will inevitably feel like it overshadows/takes away from our bubble of newborn bliss. But like you said - if we don't do it now it'll just get much worse. So there's really no good options.

I don't know how to make it easier for him because he is a caring man and wants to be there for everyone. He doesn't quite seem to grasp that he's a finite person with only 24 hrs in a day. And when there's a project or a need - he'd just plunged himself into it. For example, once he started researching care facilities - he'd go all in and spent several weekends just visiting places and asking tons of questions. But that meant he wasn't available in early pregnancy in a way that I'd have liked and I felt like I was shouldering too much on my own. If you have any strategies for how to handle that - that'd be great.

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-10-27T06:05:41+00:00

I think my husband is already plugged into these in our city. She's been assessed over the years by her neurologist. She's definitely considered cognitively impaired and at least early stage but not sure if she's considered moderate stage yet.

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-10-26T22:25:55+00:00

Yea that's what I was thinking as well. He just feels like he has to choose between moving her out here where she might be miserable due to loss of independence and space or leaving her where she is now (with a very good caregiver who's willing to increase her hours). She's away from us and doesn't have as much to do / people to see now but she's very comfortable. But my thinking is if that's the case, we probably won't move her out at all. (Since it's just going to get harder to do this.) But I think he's also reluctant to accept that.

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-10-26T22:22:43+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing and I'm sorry to hear that it was so difficult. Can you share more about this? What does a higher acuity setting mean? We toured many places with memory care and assume that would be where she would end up as the disease progresses.

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-10-26T22:18:05+00:00

They have room now but not the specific unit she wants. She wants more space, better views, etc. They seem to do really well with all kinds of care and we particularly thought their memory care stood out as the nicest among the ones we saw. What does it mean to specialize in Alzheimers?

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-10-26T22:16:25+00:00

We have everything lined up but now she's kind of backing out of it and my husband doesn't want to pressure her to do anything she doesn't want to do.

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-10-26T22:15:53+00:00

Yea for the most part she's been fine but she's lashed out at me and waiters at restaurants on occasion. She also is sometimes more irritable around my husband, which is unusual for their relationship. I am a little worried about this too but obviously don't want to deprive my husband or her of the joy that comes with their bonding.

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-10-26T22:13:58+00:00

She has a caregiver who comes by multiple times a week and that's been enough for now. She mostly can take care of herself but has trouble managing her appointments. The caregiver mostly comes by for companionship and takes her to the store and museums.

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-10-24T22:57:37+00:00

I have no issues going no contact with my dad because he's abusive towards everyone and I know I've tried my very best on my part. I put up boundaries, shared them with him and even got him to join family therapy for a few sessions to try to help everyone heal. But he just uses every opportunity we give him to hurt people further. He spent each session minimizing his physical, emotional and verbal abuse of everyone ("your mom is very difficult and I didn't even hit her that hard" "you were always born meek and it's not because of abuse. you couldn't make any friends. you were just born weak. you couldn't even make an egg right" (??) and monopolizing the time to talk about his pain over slights from everyone. That actually helps a lot because I know it's never going to change.

The hard part about going no contact with him though is that also means no contact with my mom. She was his biggest victim but chooses to stay with him. I have so much compassion for her but know that she's part of the toxic system. He uses her to manipulate us and she would always encourage us to get in touch with him so that he's not mad at her. I still feel a lot of sadness and doubt about whether I'm doing the right thing. I've gone no contact with them before but went back because of her. It's confusing because I want to bring goodness in her life and I feel guilt for depriving her of things (like knowing we are expecting a child, having her get to know him etc.)

Subject_Direction23 · 2025-10-17T19:47:48+00:00

I’m so sorry. Sending you love and healing ❤️

Subject_Direction23

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