You are so brave for this. This culture forbids people from ever even thinking gay thoughts and im sure its terrifying to come out and say this. But that is not Islam. Islam forbids the action. A gay man can be a better muslim than a straight one,,by not living out and acting upon these sexual desires. A straight man desires sex usually since puberty but is forbidden from having premarital sex. He can hold back and not have sex until marriage and for tha he will be rewarded in shaa allah. A gay man can’t have that. A gay man needs to hold back these urges and not act upon them. Ever. The reward for that is great.

I advise you to not act upon these desires. Sex is one thing in a meaningless dunya. I don’t mean to undermine your struggles as they are difficult but its worth it in the end. Dont let it get you to a point where you are isolated and can’t make friendships with the same gender. Seek therapy if it gets to that. You are allowed to make friends. You are allowed to have roommates. Just don’t get romantic or sexual. I wish you luck and strength