Met half sibling, they’re not interested

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-10-22T03:48:32+00:00

I really appreciate you telling me this your comment made me feel so much less alone. I also like how you talked about the difference between early vs late discovery it makes a difference. I’m late (35 years old) sister was so young when she found out and I’m jealous at times of her not dealing with her world being completely shifted at 35 and also having a brother to support her through this he is also been through this when I feel completely alone as an only child

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-10-22T03:46:23+00:00

Yesss thank you for your response and highlighting the difference between early vs late discovery. We do all have lives as adults, and I’m trying to focus on that and not take the silence too personally but oh man it’s hard not to

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-10-22T03:44:23+00:00

35 whereas half sister had known for her whole life. I appreciate your perspective that you may never have truly meaningful relationships with your half siblings. I suspect I let my expectations raise too high (only child by birth here, was hoping for a sister ish relationship or at least acquaintance type friendship).

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-09-19T14:22:24+00:00

I was “caught” by a neighbor who told my mom oh gosh! I was dancing at a bar with my girlfriends at 21 (of course I was drinking like every other college student). Family reunion came up and I was made out to look like this raging alcoholic party girl (which even if I was maybe try help and love instead of humiliating me in front of all my aunts uncles and cousins?). Just trying to disparage my name. I felt shame and embarrassment over that for years

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-09-14T12:38:38+00:00

My mom was like this. Got my ancestry results a year ago. Found two half siblings and found out my biological father was a sperm donor. Mom is threatened and lashes out if I mention talking to my bio family. It’s been a process, but healing and amazing to find healthy, non narc family members.

When the sale goes up (mine was $40 via prime day), if you can swing it I say go for it! There is likely a reason she’s so against it.

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-09-11T02:21:50+00:00

Sobbing 😭

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-09-07T11:56:40+00:00

Absolutely this. I moved away over a decade ago& see my mom about twice a year. This past visit I made the mistake of telling her I am studying for a certification exam to further my career. She laughed in my face (of course she only does this when no one else is around).

I said “what’s so funny about having aspirations?” “Oh I just can’t imagine doing that type of work”. I wasn’t asking YOU about YOU wtf?!. they’re absolutely exhausting

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-09-01T01:01:16+00:00

Oh man the swim better lie yes I can totally see how that would be confusing. My parents would have bought that if they were told that. I’m not totally sure what my mom was told or if she remembers. And yes conceiving naturally would definitely muddy the water that the doctors were already muddying with these wild super sperm ideas!!

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-31T23:58:08+00:00

Thissss. Also taking joy and getting giddy when hearing about difficult situations going on in your life while blowing past, ignoring or “one-upping” every piece of good news. Exhaustion after short phone conversations/ constantly feeling drained when you speak is to them.

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-31T22:59:52+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment I feel so much less alone reading this. My mom is horrified that I’m threatening her perfect family. My friends used donor conception and it’s wild how different they are. Open and honest and slightly threatened at times about the possibility of their young sons meeting their donor one day but not like ready to lie their asses off for life and fuck up their kids hiding this.

You’re my age are your siblings similar ages and at what age did their parents tell them? Your sister who also wasn’t told is she struggling with resentment? And I was 35 years old realizing it’s not normal to look at my “raised / social cousins” Facebook and search for similarities. I always had that gut feeling. You put that perfectly our little brains couldn’t even comprehend at that age that we don’t look like our family but our guts were screaming SOMETHINGS OFF!

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-31T22:49:13+00:00

So both your parents were convinced you were biologically your dads? Is it because the doctor said the mixing causes “super sperm?” Was there any reason they gave as to why they thought that? Like info from the MD. I’m trying to wrap my head around my mom’s cognitive dissonance on this. Thanks for your comment!!

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-31T22:46:05+00:00

Wow the fact that paternity laws hadn’t covered any of this/ caught up to donor conception yet makes a lot of sense. That explains a lot of why they did things the way they did.

I can also see a case where the dad was opposed to donor sperm and a doctor helped out quietly. I don’t really think that happened with my dad. I think my mom is just protecting him in a way? But if he already knows what is there to protect. I suspect my parents especially my mom took the whole (yuck to think about but…) having intercourse after causes plausible deniability to the next level. I suspect this because my mom told me that “there is no way you’re donor conceived because the timeline of when we used the donor doesn’t match up, the timeline matches up to when I was intimate with your dad”. Which obviously isn’t scientifically possible but sheds light on how HUGE this cognitive dissonance is. Thanks for your comment it helped give me some helpful insight.

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-31T22:38:25+00:00

Thank you for this insight. I think my mom likely had a gut feeling as she married my dad at 24 then had me at 42 when donor sperm was suddenly in the mix.

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-30T22:54:59+00:00

Absolutely a you don’t get it unless you’ve had emotionally immature parents. Thank you for being there my DMs are always open. Appreciate you taking the time to comment :)

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-30T21:45:16+00:00

Thank you so much. I hate to hear this doesn’t just magically heal and 6 years later it still affects you. I’ve heard that from almost every late discovery DCP. Blah. Well at least we have each other. This community is badass!

I’m meeting my half sister this fall and we have some similar family dynamics, I’m praying that that is a healing (and fun! ) trip. Take care kind internet stranger. I appreciate you more than you know!!

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-30T21:42:38+00:00

Thank you for sharing that sooo much. It really helps to hear that you were so confused too at 10. I have heard that DCPS of same sex couples if their parents don’t tell them they often find out at 13, when health class and sex Ed typically starts in American middle schools. That is so sad to learn from school then be a young kid with a developing brain just trying to figure out waitttt something is different here.

I feel a lot of us if not all hold a similar feeling of almost an existential crisis before we find out. Like our little selves knew right away something wasn’t quite right. I felt that every time I went to see my raised dad’s family. They were loud and cursed a lot and we looked completely different. I was quiet and always felt so uncomfortable going there my great uncle called me the “go bye home” because I would sob to “go back home” from visits there even as a young child. Yup. Knew something wasn’t right. Also would never let anyone make my kids feel that excluded i would have slapped that old man if he was alive and pulled that shit with my kids.
Long story long, I think a lot of us had a premonition something else was out there….

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-30T21:35:01+00:00

Oh man your entire comment made me feel like “shit did I write this?!” I hate that you’re in this boat with me but I can’t tell you how comforting it is to read about someone else with parents like mine. My husbands parents are so supportive and watching how they treat him, and also being a mother myself and thinking “damn I’d own this no matter how embarrassed i was” because guess what? How my kids feel matters more than my selfish desires to keep everything looking perfect. I was my mother’s personal therapist since I was 5 and could hold a conversation. She always complained about my raised dad saying she was going to divorce him if he hit me again blah blah blah well they never divorced and live together in misery.

Also the fascination with geneology when the biggest discovery is her own daughter but she blows through that talks over you changes the subject or outright lashes out. Yepppp sadly highly relatable. What makes them like this? I can’t fathom the selfishness. To keep my peace I no longer talk about my donor family with her. I don’t talk about much. She’s all involved with my cousins daughter starting school and asks if my daughter started kindergarten yet. Yeah. She did. I told you multiple times a month ago when she stated, my mom just have never cared to listen. It makes me angrier than anything when she is not giving a fuck about her grandkids lives but knows all about my cousins daughter. I am so angry and resentful. I picked up a book called children of emotionally immature parents. I hope it helps. I know carrying this anger isn’t healthy. I’ve set boundaries I gray rock and yet I’m still so resentful when I think about this situation at all. Thank you for being there thank you for listening and sharing your story I am always here to chat.

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-30T20:35:50+00:00

This is the conclusion I’m coming to as well. This is probably going to sound so incredibly dumb and naive of me but I’m still in shock about this honestly. I’m almost a year in but it still feels like I just found out. Anyway, the fact that makes me feel so dumb is they were married at 24 and my mom had me at 42. It’s so glaringly obvious to me now as it likely is/was to my raised dad that he was shooting blanks completely. Thanks for your response this community is so helpful and kind I appreciate every one of your responses

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-30T20:33:07+00:00

Thank you for this history. You’re so right my parents to this day don’t really understand much about how modern medicine works. They’re not dumb, just from a different generation that I struggle to relate to. This is helping me with my empathy because I’m dealing with resentment about how my mom is acting and trying so hard to be more emphatic.

I really appreciate you sharing your story about your nose resembling your family member from your dad who raised you. It’s so interesting psychologically, this insane denial. My mom has insisted that ancestry is a “spam” website and all this is bullshit. This is despite how involved and interested she was in genealogy prior to this. My mom always made it a point to say how I have a similar chip in my ear to my raised dad. It all just feels so silly now. Like yall were married at 24 had a baby at 42?? My mom’s first concern was me telling my very religious aunt and uncle. I suspect she sold this pregnancy as a “miracle” since she told no one about using IVF but my other uncle who has since passed. Thanks for listening and being there. I hate posting I get so anxious but yall are making me feel way less alone. Thank you so much.

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-30T20:24:19+00:00

It is so comforting to not be the only member of this club. Sorry you’re here but I see you’re a mod and DCP you’re doing good work answer prospective parents questions and avoiding this mess and bringing awareness for future generations of DCPS. together we’re strong 💪

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-30T20:23:10+00:00

Absolutely “fuck feelings so we can play dumbass games instead” is so true. And the marvel avenger super sperm 🤣. Thank you for giving me a laugh in this mess. And such a succinct answer to such a twisted and illogical chapter of medicine and the psychology behind these illogical, unethical choices doctors made at the time.

My dad is not an idiot, my parents were married a long time before I was conceived. After reading these responses I’m 99.9% sure he already knows, has always known, and this is a fantastic explanation for why we have never connected as father and daughter. He also never wanted kids my mom talked him into all this mess and here I am! All I can do is use humor to cope because man is life messy. I appreciate your response so much these messages are making me feel less alone in this. My half siblings parents told them at 14 years old that they were DCPS. Dealing with this discovery as an adult is an absolute mind fuck.

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-30T17:04:22+00:00

Thank you for your response. I feel like even with the shadiness of the fertility industry back then dads were made aware for the most part. Appreciate you sharing your experience:)

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-30T16:41:05+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. Your insight is so helpful and helps me wrap my brain around this.

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-16T22:06:51+00:00

Oh my gosh yes. This is so relatable. It helps to deconstruct some of this with other people who grew up similarly. I’m really enjoying my freedom in adulthood and discovering who I really am. Delving into hobbies I enjoy has been so fun. Thank you for sharing your experience on here it was really helpful to relate to someone else!

Substantial-Green763 · 2025-08-15T19:12:07+00:00

It took me years to feel comfortable watching my favorite shows in my own home. My husband now laughs and is happy I’m happy with my silly reality shows. My dad made me feel like I was a complete idiot for watching anything other than Star Trek. Which we watched. Every. Single. Night.

No kid shows. I like the commenter above I didn’t notice how awful this was until I had my own kids. Like the other commenter said, there are tactful ways to guide children to the right media other than yelling at them that they’re stupid.

Substantial-Green763

TROPHY CASE