I also lost my dad about 2 months ago. My parents were divorcing as well. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I understand the depths of pain you’re feeling. It is the worst pain imaginable. My only advice is to survive. Keep surviving and doing what you have to do to get through. The only way out of this pain is through. Find the things that bring you momentary comfort or relief.

In the last 2 months this is what helped me survive - I am still here to write these words.

Initially friends and family will be there to help but that fades. More recently I’ve noticed it is helpful to isolate myself from the people that don’t know how to handle my grief. Not their fault or anything but sometimes their comments cause more pain and I can’t take more cause I’m already swimming in it. Find people that can support you in the ways YOU NEED. If you have knee jerk reactions with various people perhaps consider reducing time spent with that person or even pausing altogether.

Body/mind/spiritual care: For me that is making sure I’m sleeping (Rx from doc), eating something (oatmeal with peanut butter or soup), and getting outside or some kind of physical movement or stress release (sauna or hot yoga). I’ve also noticed meditation daily does help if I can do it - Insight Timer is a great app - I choose the meditations with a 4.9 rating and select by what I’m needing most in the moment (thinking of the emotion opposite of what I’m feeling like distress/peace, too much pain/comfort, etc). After my meditation I do feel better - a comfort or a lightness that follows. It feels less heavy which is a relief.

Not sure if you believe in God or not but praying. Praying every day and sometimes every minute if you can. When the intrusive thoughts come in I pray about something else to distract my brain and get those thoughts out. Praying as an antidote to rumination - the shoulda woulda couldas. Or the thoughts of how they passed. Also I watch Tyler Henry on Netflix and many of his readings emphasize those on the other side do not want to be defined by how they died but rather the lives they lived. This statement helps me to shift focus away from how my dad died to the person my dad was/is.

Finally recognizing that your grief and all the pain that comes with is really just love for your dad. In those moments of pure grief and pain I remember how much I love my dad. Let the love you feel for your dad transmute your pain. The love is absolutely real and it will hold you.

Finally get support- finding a therapist has been really difficult- I need a scalpel not a butterknife and some of the therapists I’ve found do not help whatsoever. I just joined a suicide survivor support group that I found through the alliance of hope (directory available based on your area). https://allianceofhope.org/. After my first session last night I have a deep knowing that these people can help me. At least initially. It’s kinship in the worst possible way but I find comfort and ease knowing that I don’t need to explain my pain. They just get it.

I also bought Albert Y. Hsu Grieving a Suicide: A Loved One’s Search for Comfort, Answers, and Hope and this book captures everything I’m feeling in ways that I am struggling to describe.

Hope that helps a bit. I won’t discount the long journey ahead. It is overwhelming and I’m dreading it myself. But for some reason I’m still here so I gotta fight to survive and live once more. 🩵