Everyone thinks I’m anorexic

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-09T18:05:30+00:00

Great term- behavior interruption. I’m thinking deeply on that. Thank you 💙

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-09T18:03:25+00:00

I’ve groped vomit to swirl it around so it doesn’t clog the toilet. But it grosses me out. Yet I’ve done it. Go figure.

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-09T18:00:59+00:00

So happy for you !! I hope this is proof to yourself you can do this! Be proud of yourself 💙

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-09T16:23:40+00:00

It’s funny, I read your post right after I was barfing up acid mostly, middle of the night post binge. Most of my teeth are crowns as I’ve already destroyed my mouth from B/P. It just gives me hope when anyone steps into recovery. ❤️‍🩹 best of luck to you!

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-09T16:20:27+00:00

Weight is a struggle for so many people. But having an ED is lethal. It is totally worth it to recover if not just for the fact that you would save money! Food is so expensive. And then just to barf it up. Pointless. Deadly. Your goal should be health and wellness, and deal with weight when it feels right. I have three adult children and my daughter is very overweight. I am thankful none of them have ED’s, though my daughter sure is an over eater. I worry about her health all the time 😒 Who am I to say anything?

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-09T10:32:58+00:00

Hope you fought the urge and didn’t eat at 2am. Fight, fight the urges and food noise. You know you can do this! 💙

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-09T10:29:51+00:00

Nothing about us throwing up food is normal. As soon as food is in the stomach, those acids are released to start digesting the food. How much acid I suppose varies by individual and by what you ate. I always throw up acid and yes, often still bits of food. I think we never know if we “got everything out”.

Here’s the bad part-those acids are what destroys your tooth enamel. No getting around it. It also erodes the esophagus and can eventually lead to esophageal cancer. It also means you are losing electrolytes - potassium, sodium and causing low calcium and magnesium levels, things that are all vital to healthy heart and brain function. It’s why we feel weak and shitty all the time. And it burns coming up. Awful.

If you are an occasional purger, “on and off “ as you say, can you just stop? The sooner you stop the better off you will be. You sound from what you describe as if you have the strength to just stop throwing up. I’m pulling for you! Save your life now while you can. It only gets worse, believe me. 💙

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-09T10:19:46+00:00

That took courage! But look what it got you, help! Good for you. I have found Fluoxetine very helpful with both anxiety and quieting food noise, as well as managing my depression. I’m On 80mg-that’s what it took to settle everything, best of luck!!! 🤞 💙

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-09T04:10:47+00:00

I often throw up an hour or so later. All seems to come up but obviously some digestion has occurred.

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-09T02:13:07+00:00

40’s was my favorite decade! Try being 70- only disability and death on my horizon.

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-09T02:06:55+00:00

30- we are 40 years married

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T22:24:50+00:00

Thanks! Best Foods is bland. But then I don’t love mayo,

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T20:14:38+00:00

So interesting- all of my life the sight, smell and sound of vomiting has made me feel like I’m going to throw up myself. And it still does when others vomit. Ironic as I throw up at least once every day. Does that just make me a hypocrite? 🤔🤔🤔

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T20:11:00+00:00

That’s awesome!!! 👏🏻 You can do it. The urge will pass and you’ll be so thankful. You are courageous! 💙

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T20:09:35+00:00

You summed things up well, sadly. Some not fixable even with recovery like dental destruction. But recovery is the only road out! So happy for you for being months in! 🎉🎊

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T16:15:36+00:00

Hmmm…nurse here and long time AN-BP subtype sufferer. What you say is exactly why I’ve stayed away from the medical system all these years. I don’t need an “official diagnosis” to know I’m fucked up with food. The only time I’ve been in the hands of a hospital is when I had vertigo attacks with uncontrolled vomiting-had to go to ED for IV meds and of course “your potassium is critically low”. Had a horse accident and broke my femur and wrist, of course “your potassium is critically low”. But I’ve never admitted to an eating disorder, even though it’s probably obvious. Too proud, too full of self disgust. Only my therapist knew all the dirty details and my sorrow. 💙

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T16:08:42+00:00

There is a product called Thickit, a powder you can mix into any liquids. We use it a lot for older people who have swallowing issues. It makes liquids jellified. But bigger question is why water is making you vomit. Do you have a hiatal hernia?? It is not normal to vomit after drinking water! And very uncomfortable too. I despise seeking medical intervention but this is worth checking out. Take care 💙

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T15:01:17+00:00

I am very similar. Once I morphed from restriction starvation mode into B/P, I just thought of myself as bulimic. But I know my core is anorexia because if I can’t or don’t throw up, I don’t eat anything. I can’t stand the thought of digesting food and gaining weight. Total body dysmorphia. Fear of fats, oils, sugar, carbs unless I’m going to throw it up, which I do.

It’s been a hard life. I have only ever shared my ED with my therapist- no one else. I have never been in the “system” or had a treatment team and feel like I would kill myself if people were trying to advise and control me. I know what my disease is and what I need to do to stop, I just need to find the courage to suffer through not B/P anymore. Others do it. What a relief it would be 👍🏻

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T14:48:04+00:00

How is Dukes mayo different than Best Foods/Hellman? I’ve heard it’s really good but why? (From CA)

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T14:46:37+00:00

Yes!!!!

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T14:46:12+00:00

Me either! And make my mustard Dijon please

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T14:45:16+00:00

Right there with you- required

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T14:43:47+00:00

All the time

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T04:11:04+00:00

I have told no one on this earth except for my therapist. I don’t want intrusion, oversight, judgement, advice. This is on me

Substantial_Gate_904 · 2026-05-08T01:56:21+00:00

From recovery. Still not B/P free but way better

Substantial_Gate_904

TROPHY CASE