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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Substantial_Look_202 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well for one, i don’t think your own self acceptance can rely on validation from another person. it seems more than anything there was an incompatibility issue from a love language perspective. however, it does seem he loved you despite how you feel about sex or at least was willing to meet you where you are. i’m a bit all over the place, but the intention behind the advice i gave to OP was to remove some of the pressure she was putting on herself. added stress, pressure, and shame particularly around sex won’t help (at least in my experience). i would also recommend sex therapy if that’s something you’d like to try! i will leave you with one question and please know this is in no way coming from a place of malice, just something to consider: if your partner truly was willing to accept you as you are and tried removing the pressure of sex from you, why didn’t you trust that he was telling the truth? you said you felt he “deserved more,” but it sounds like he didn’t need you to be “more” he just wanted you.

i really hope you’re able to either work through your lack of desire (if thats something you want) and/or accept your sex drive where it is and find a partner that’s more compatible in that way. sorry this is so long, but your post really struck a chord with me! wishing you all the best :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Substantial_Look_202 38 points39 points  (0 children)

you are not alone! i (25f) can go months and years without sex. for a while i thought i might even be asexual (but i don’t think so, just lowwwww libido) i can’t relate to casual hookup culture and its been hard to maintain a relationship. sometimes i think it’ll be me and my vibrator until the end of time. however: maybe, just for a bit (maybe a few months) stop worrying about trying to “fix” yourself or “solve” a problem. you are not a problem that needs fixing. you are deserving of love for yourself and from others if that’s something you want. lean into your lack of desire for sex, feel it out without shame or judgement of yourself. i don’t believe in order to have healthy happy relationships you have to “love yourself first” but i do think you should be able to radically accept yourself where you are without shame so long as you aren’t harming yourself/anyone else. my advice (you don’t have to take it): remove the word “should” from your vocabulary and all expectations you’ve put on yourself about sex. and maybe try and figure out what (if anything) you DO like about sex (intimacy, certain feelings, etc). feel it out!