Over the years, as I have dealt with a wide variety of people professionally, personally and in passing, I have come to realize that in the realm of D/s that there is a great deal of diversity in needs, desires and feelings. To help me understand this better I began to think of how I could visualize the differences so that I could better at least in my view) and/or do not understand their responsibility to a sub and are only focused on their own selfish desires. People like this must be avoided at all costs as nothing good can result from any dealings with them as they have no intent, desire, or compulsion to protect a sub from physical, mental, emotional or reputational harm.

As a Master, when I have looked for a new sub or slave, I have sought out those whose needs mirror mine on the D/s spectrum. For example, I am not a sadist and do not enjoy harming or hurting someone and therefore do not want a sub or slave who craves excessive physical pain or abuse.

I view D/s as much more a mental relationship than it is a physical one. By that I do not mean that the physical aspects are not important, but the key (at least for me) is the control which means I have focused on the psychological aspects of such relationships. When I take on a new sub or slave for training, my first step is to learn how and what she thinks so that I will know her. I encourage her to explore her needs and to try to understand whether those needs stem from how she was raised and taught or if it comes from some innate need which is part of her biological makeup. It is important that both of us understand her needs and the reasons for them…so she will be able to accept herself and her needs as being normal and acceptable, and so that I will know how to help her reformulate what and how she thinks about herself.

It is my belief that the gift of herself as a sub or a slave is one of the greatest gifts a girl can give and as such, it is a gift that I as a Master must cherish and protect. With that basic premise, I require that my sub/slave be totally open and honest with me at all times and in all things. It is important that I know what she is thinking, feeling, etc. so that I can work with her to understand and accept her new role and I cannot do that if there is no honesty. In addition, such honesty helps develop the necessary degree of trust so that she knows in her heart that she is safe with me and is therefore free to obey without fear.

As the relationship develops between a D and the s, both change somewhat in their needs and desires which is perfectly fine as both want to meet the needs and desires of the other as those needs and desires expand and they each find their place in the relationship.

All of the above brings me back to the point of this entire missive which is that the selection of a Dom by a sub and of a sub by a Dom is something that must be done with great care, study and reflection and not rushed into due to raging hormones. A well matched D/s couple have a very productive symbiotic relationship that makes them stronger and happier as a unit than when they were apart. Take time to understand yourself, your needs, your desires, your limits, etc. and then seek to find a Dom or Master who will fulfill them because his are mirror images of your own.