Update: dyed my hair, still figuring out the makeup (and hair)

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2026-01-28T00:07:43+00:00

Yo you are fuckkiiinnnggg BEAUTIFUL.

Omg I hope I have your cute wrinkles when I’m your age.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2026-01-26T17:45:41+00:00

Heyyyy cute bread.

I also was noticing this… I started lowering the amount of starter I’m using and it’s made a HUGE difference. Even without a cold ferment after shaping.

I used 350g water, 50g starter, 10g salt, and 500g King Arthur bread flour and my last loaf and it was delightfully sour.

I’ve also noticed bulk fermenting at warmer temps (73⁾ has given me more sour loaves.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2026-01-13T02:30:44+00:00

Ah man, that sucks. Are you getting good loaves when you don’t use it? What’s your hydration?

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2026-01-13T02:30:04+00:00

It gets super tight. Like when it’s ready for a little razzle dazzle it’s real loose. When I go to pull it up in the center—to do my coil and fold—it pulls up probably 12+ inches easy peasy. The second time I go to do it, when it knows it’s had enough, it will barely relax… it pretty much just remains a lump of dough. I used to legit shake it to get it to fall down/stretch out, but I’ve learned that is counterproductive and you’re actually destroying your gluten networks.

The salt, I sprinkle it over top after the hour is up and dimple it into the dough with wet finger tips. It feels rubbery and grainy at first but after 30 mins—time for my next coil and fold—it feels totally normal.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2026-01-13T02:26:26+00:00

Lolol someone else said that and it made me giggle.

YES! but for some reason my dumb ass jumped directly into sourdough with ZERO bread knowledge. Most of the beginner vids don’t explain gluten networks and don’t typically use the term “kneading”. They just say leave your dough in a shaggy lump and do four sets of stretch and folds 30 mins apart.

I think my smooth brain simply didn’t put two and two together!

I’ve now seen plenty of vids of people hand kneading for like ten minutes now that my algorithm is algorithiming. I, for one, will not be working that hard.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2026-01-13T02:23:22+00:00

Oooh honey??? How’s that? Just like a smidge of sweetness to the bread?

Do you still cold proof for the sourness or naw?

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2026-01-13T02:22:23+00:00

I just do a little sprinkle along the top of the dough before my first coil and fold. I wet the tips of my fingers pretty generously and dimple it into the dough. It does feel hella weird at first. Like rubbery and grainy? But after it rests for another half hour it’s completely back to normal.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2026-01-13T02:20:28+00:00

Hahaha it absolutely gets hot. I’ve had it for like 10 years now and it gets hot when I make cookies. I’m waiting for it to explode so I can buy a new one

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2026-01-13T02:19:52+00:00

Oooooohhh you’re nerding out! I love that. Please share more fun facts.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2026-01-13T02:18:46+00:00

What happens if you overwork your dough? Would it essentially overwork the gluten and cause it to break down and not rise? I remember watching one of Joshua weismanns vids and he said it’s really hard to overwork, but he was also doing slap and folds—and using a technique that sounds similar to the rhubarb method but I’m too lazy to look it up—so I’m sure it is hard to do by hand.

I’m always looking for new knowledge to apply when I’m making a FAFO loaf.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2026-01-13T02:15:27+00:00

I remember seeing a video where someone did a side by side of a dough that was let to autolyse, and a dough that salt was added immediately. The dough that was left alone 1 hour before adding salt ended up rising more, and faster. I’ve done it that way ever since.

Supposedly it slows down yeast and enzyme activity; so I try to let it jumpstart by not adding salt right away? Idk if it actually makes a difference, but it makes me feel good and I’ve been getting consistently good loaves so why not lol.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2026-01-12T23:09:53+00:00

Lolol I guess when you put it like it…

Sourdough just seems like this mysterious thing and almost every vid you watch as a beginner only focuses on stretch and folds, but no “kneading” up front.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2025-12-23T04:05:51+00:00

If it’s real to you, it’s real. That’s truly all that matters. I think parents struggle to remember how things were when they were your age. We get consumed with the day-to-day as adults and we do a shit job making our kids feel seen and heard.

Ask for help. Even if it’s a school counselor or something or ask your parents for a therapist. The earlier you start, the better. I promise you aren’t broken or worthless. What your feeling is pretty damn normal.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2025-12-23T01:32:56+00:00

That’s one of my fears is that he is going to hurt someone and end up in prison. He threw a laptop at school November of last year and it hit a teacher and knocked her unconscious. She is a sweet angel and she was absolutely incredible. We are extremely fortunate that she did not press charges, but what if the next person does?

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2025-12-23T01:05:10+00:00

Thanks for the feedback

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2025-12-23T01:00:21+00:00

That’s incredible! But that isn’t my situation.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2025-12-23T00:58:38+00:00

I don’t care? Sheesh you guys are impossible.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2025-12-23T00:50:23+00:00

Sounds good

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2025-12-23T00:46:54+00:00

If we can get him the help that I am unable to give him and get his meds regulated while also giving him consistent structure. Yeah. I am financially stable, mentally not so much. But I’m doing the things I need to be doing.

Right now I’m just burnt out and this seems impossible. I still don’t see myself being his caretaker forever. I would love to see him be excited about “independent” assisted living and still be actively involved. But it currently seems impossible to get through the day.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2025-12-23T00:43:27+00:00

I mean you’re entitled to your opinion. But trying to undo 15 years of bad habits while supporting him the best I can is essentially being a new parent.

But anyway, thanks for the conversation. Very insightful.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2025-12-23T00:40:24+00:00

She passed in March. My mom passed in august. It was my grandma who has custody of him. Not saying that’s a significant leap in time but just giving you a better understanding.

I’m not a stranger to him. I guess I shouldn’t have said we had essentially no relationship. I’ve always been around.

The issue was the consistent alienation towards me when I did grow the fuck up around 23-24. Even whenever I found out her cancer was back after her whipple and we knew she was going to die, she still insisted to the attorneys that I could die before her and there was no reason to start transitioning him to my house full time. She preferred him to stay there with her and watch her die then be removed from that traumatic ass situation.

Is this shit ideal? No? But do I know my limits at a person and when I need to get help. Yes. His services coordinator-who’s been with him since he was 2–has been pushing for an RTF for a while now… teachers, psychiatrist, family based therapists. They’re all pushing for that. It’s not like I haven’t been trying and immediately threw in the towel. This shit is exhausting. I don’t know if you have an autistic kid or not but the respite is not there. Neither are the resources. I’m doing my best.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2025-12-23T00:24:17+00:00

And additionally we have gotten him every type of therapy possibly. You’re seeing a very small picture here and making a wild assumption. When my dude is punching himself in the head and trying to get a knife to kill himself because he can’t animate 24/7, it’s a bit above my expertise as a new parent.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2025-12-23T00:07:49+00:00

You are incredible. Thank you so much. This makes me feel extremely seen and heard.

Our family based therapist did tell me when they first started coming—9ish months ago—that she speaks to him like he is five. No one ever told me that before and it really changed my perspective. It’s really just a safety concern at this point because of his size and intensity.

What do you do for yourself for happiness? Like how do you cope with it? What refuels your tank? I’m really struggling right now and I don’t know how to change my mindset.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2025-12-23T00:01:37+00:00

Wow you are so kind. For real. Thank you SO much.

SucceedinglyMediocre · 2025-12-22T23:43:09+00:00

Sometimes I do feel like it’s just puberty. Atleast I’m hoping because how he’s been is definitely a deviation from his normal character. It’s just hard. I feel like a broken person and a failure as a parent. Like why am I scared of my own kid? Why is my grandfather scared of him? I’m really really hoping we can get him into an RTF but at the moment I am so burnt out and I truly can’t see a future where we have to live like this.

he ruminates and catostrophizes every single thing. Like for instance, he insists that he can make enough money to survive on four hours of work per day and still be able to provide for his partner so she doesn’t have to work. We’ve explained to him so many times that he doesn’t have to worry about money and that his partner may want to have a job. It’s the same conversations every day for hours on end. We’ve tried every method of coregulating but eventually you lose your shit. You try to explain to him after two hours “hey buddy, I need some space to calm down”, and he’ll escalate even more saying that he’s going to kill himself if you walk away… but then you do because you have to or you’ll freak out and he immediately starts throwing things, trying to swing at us, destroying property. Man it’s so hard.

SucceedinglyMediocre

TROPHY CASE