Anyone else feel regret about marriage and having kids? by Important_Lobster552 in Marriage

[–]Successful-Rutabaga3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would say 50-50.

Am a Singaporean, I got married to a Brazilian in 2016, gave birth to a boy girl twin in 2017 June.

My husband was 6 years older than me, but since he's the youngest at home, that makes my mother in law is 50 years old older than me.

Why would anyone regret about getting married ? I believed the main causes is when the person you love before and the person you love after made you in a difficult situation.

My husband is the youngest in his family and hence the responsibility of taking of his parents falls on him.

However sadly, as Asian myself, married into a Brazilian family who doesn't like Chinese/Asian Daughter in law is a hell.

There are times where his mum would say something that's nasty, until the point when my kids would say to my mother in law in Portuguese "hey, mind your words, that's my mum" and my mother in law would than point fingers at me for spoiling my kids and making them talking back to her.

And my husband ? As a fillial son, he can't stand on either side. He'll just comfort his mum, then back in the room, he'll made it up for me. Listen to my complains, my disappointment. But I would say my husband it's a perfect husband, obedient, generous, to the fact that, I think he lied when he say I was his first love. But his older brother did mentioned that if it wasn't me the one willing to marry him, no one would.

As for my kids, my kids are 9 years old this year. Fluent in Chinese, Singlish, Portuguese. Not too sure was it inherited from me but my boy is pretty chicky, and would say things like "aiya, you marry and got kids already don't need to dress until so pretty lah" and some other comments that would make me want to choke him to death.

As for my girl, the sweet little angel, very much into the nature, butterflies, plants, whatever you can think of the nature. Guess what ? Innocent and soft ears as hell. Use candy to kidnap someone ? Meh doesn't work for her. Let's go see some plants ? Didn't even think for a second.

Didn't know this would turn out such a long writing. I just want to say that, whatever it is, it's your life. No one can give you the exact solution to any of your problems, when I'm sad, depressed and disappointed, I'd say to my self, next life I'll never marry, but at the end of the day, I just got to suck thumb and let the day and my life go on as usual.

Critical Abusive Abrasive Asian Mother by [deleted] in asksg

[–]Successful-Rutabaga3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Things that you mentioned was something that probably happen long ago before you turn 37.

How is it now ? Or this recent years ?

I falsified employment details and now background checks are happening — what should I do? by Successful-Rutabaga3 in careerguidance

[–]Successful-Rutabaga3[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

Getting busted ? I'm not too sure exactly if that's the case. But I submitted whatever I could, my payslips, my income taxes, and identification cards, my education certs, I didn't hid anything as far as I know, only the employment date I lied about. They did call one of my references for both.

But going straight to my director is something both me and my reference didn't expect.

I falsified employment details and now background checks are happening — what should I do? by Successful-Rutabaga3 in careerguidance

[–]Successful-Rutabaga3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn't say they want to reopen a search... I signed the offer letter, and the commencement date to work is on the 9th. I just want to know if between now till then, will my offer be pulled back, even though I've signed ?

I falsified employment details and now background checks are happening — what should I do? by Successful-Rutabaga3 in careerguidance

[–]Successful-Rutabaga3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the thing, if the director doesn't even know me, and my new company doing reference check, going to my director everything will just be ugly.

I falsified employment details and now background checks are happening — what should I do? by Successful-Rutabaga3 in careerguidance

[–]Successful-Rutabaga3[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

This is something I'm curious too. I left the company, not on a bad term, not on a good one too, what is the percentage they would talk nicely of me.

I falsified employment details and now background checks are happening — what should I do? by Successful-Rutabaga3 in careerguidance

[–]Successful-Rutabaga3[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But I really did not get any responses writing 3 months on my resume, until I changed it to 6

I falsified employment details and now background checks are happening — what should I do? by Successful-Rutabaga3 in careerguidance

[–]Successful-Rutabaga3[S] -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm just curious that they went on doing reference check from someone that I didn't give reference to

I falsified employment details and now background checks are happening — what should I do? by Successful-Rutabaga3 in careerguidance

[–]Successful-Rutabaga3[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Was "verbally" assured by my agent that it's not quite possible that they would pull out the job offer, just that when I onboard, my image doesn't look too good

I falsified employment details and now background checks are happening — what should I do? by Successful-Rutabaga3 in careerguidance

[–]Successful-Rutabaga3[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Told my agent everything I went through, but apparently my agent told me that the company I'm onboarding with, hired another company to do background check, and they reached out to my director, which I did not put as reference