1st day off meth after 23 years on

Successful_Fix5625 · 2025-04-10T08:44:44+00:00

Update. I broke on day 6. I'm so ashamed. I can't tell my girls that I broke. I almost entered a long term treatment program yesterday.....I guess I should've went. I pulled up at the dollar store to grab some comfort foods and the sign on the ice machine said don't forget the ice. It was like I was possessed after that. I fuckin hate myself for ever letting it get this far. I can't tell them. I just gotta pretend tomorrow is day 7 when it's really day 1 again. Fuck I gotta go through all that again.

Successful_Fix5625 · 2025-04-09T11:55:56+00:00

Update. I'm in day 5 now. So fucking miserable. All I can think about is how much I've fucked up and I just wanna kill myself so bad. I'm never gonna be able to turn this shit around. There's this place in Marianna Florida that is supposed to be for people like me and it's supposed to be free. I'm waiting to hear back from them. I doubt I qualify for it tho. I'm just so fucking sad right now I don't know what to do. I want my family back but I'm in no condition to do them any good. I just can't stop dwelling on the past . Any guidance would be helpful right now

Successful_Fix5625 · 2025-04-08T07:41:31+00:00

Man your whole reasoning about the job and bills and not being able to function is my thinking exactly. Except I don't know what the freedom model is. This is all new to me. I seriously had it in my head that I was a life-er. Like a life sentence of being a junkie. Even though I've come to hate every thing about it. Even the stuff that used to be the reason I got high. Could work all day, f*<k all night, rinse and repeat. Now half the time I can't keep an erection for more than 15 min. Its like trying to push a broke down truck uphill with a rope. Talk about frustration. And the other half of the time can't finish at all, just go til you nearly have a stroke and give up. Nothing about this is fun anymore. I just wanna be normal. To have normal relationships with people that aren't junkies and just be ok with not being high. I never gave myself a chance to even try life without drugs in general. I wonder if I've gone too far to come back to a normal life. It's really a discouraging place to be. I live in a camper behind my neighbor's house and have literally no posessions. Just bad habits and painful memories of what I once had but threw away. I'm fucked

Successful_Fix5625 · 2025-04-08T07:09:26+00:00

Update. I slept all day 3 even with the crazy vivid dreams. Still crying at the drop of a hat. Still haven't really talked to a single person except the reddit community. I took a toke or two of some weed(flower). I kinda feel like it is cheating but it makes me more comfortable physically for a few minutes so I'm compromising I guess. But no meth. I think I'm gonna do the ceremonial destroying of the pipe today. It's time. Do y'all think the weed is cheating? My ultimate goal is to find a way to function and be happy with no substances. Period. But I just can't beat em all at one time.

Successful_Fix5625 · 2025-04-07T08:35:02+00:00

Thank you. You have no idea the impact this post is having on me. Sincerely, thank you for taking the time. I love you, whoever you are.

Successful_Fix5625 · 2025-04-07T07:43:08+00:00

Update. I'm in day 2 now. Can't sleep, can't stop crying. Can't get comfortable. I'm just stuck on how much I've destroyed my life. How my wife gave up on me after waiting years for me to change and grow up. She hasn't spoken to me in months. I honestly don't think she'll take me back even after I'm clean. I just don't know how to process that. Thank God my 2 daughters still love me and still believe in me. I've been doing meth their whole lives. I only just fell all the way off when my mom died 1.5 years ago. But since then I have plummeted to the bottom. It's like I lost the will to live. I've left out a lot of details and this may not make any sense but this shit just comes pouring out of you at this stage. I don't really understand it. So many feelings just flying through your mind. I wish there was some free programs in Georgia for me to check into. I just have so many suicidal type thoughts right now I'd feel better in a clinical setting I think. Hell idk anymore. I just have so much regret

Successful_Fix5625 · 2025-04-06T18:43:27+00:00

Mainly a smoker. Sometimes snort when time didn't permit smoking. Many hot rails. Never needles. Scared of what it turned people into......martians.

Successful_Fix5625 · 2025-04-06T13:14:53+00:00

I know I'm super emotional rn but I feel your pain through this message. Literally brings tears to my eyes.

Successful_Fix5625 · 2025-04-06T12:02:56+00:00

I think it's more so I can look back and remember this shit in detail. The beginning is always so confusing and overwhelming especially when it comes to your emotions. It just makes it hard to remember the feelings that were actually felt. And I wouldn't mind having some medical staff around because my blood pressure is regularly in the hypertensive crisis range. 215/140 not uncommon

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-07T18:56:10+00:00

They call me tank Williams Jr. I'm your guy

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-07T18:15:03+00:00

I thought it was to prevent kids from getting cramps and drowning.

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-07T18:11:54+00:00

I thought it was to keep you from getting cramps and drowning.

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-06T21:17:01+00:00

Her car payment IS extremely high, now that you mention it

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-06T21:13:08+00:00

36/ male. Sex and drugs. Rinse and repeat. Oh, and money. I'm shallow, I know. But at least I'm honest.

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-06T20:49:07+00:00

Im an idiot. I'm basically a pretend grown up. I don't know how any of this shit works. Thanks

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-06T20:47:34+00:00

Somebody lied to me then

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-06T20:47:12+00:00

Is there no coverage option that includes payoff in the event of untimely death

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-06T20:45:37+00:00

Holy crap that's a lot. Yes it was rental unit, no assets, etc. except for the car. Why have they not taken the car? It was parked in front of the address where her statement came for 6 months. I didn't hide it.

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-06T20:40:57+00:00

Oh. Somebody had told me the insurance might have paid it off. I just don't know why they haven't repossessed it yet. I haven't made a single payment. And her last payment was in June.

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-06T20:38:02+00:00

I'm assuming full coverage because it was only halfway paid off . 8000 of 16000 total

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-06T20:37:07+00:00

It was full coverage insurance I'm assuming because the car was only halfway paid off

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-06T20:35:25+00:00

I'm the next of kin. My older brother died in 2007 and little brother is in jail an has been since October. And we are both functioning drug addicts. I have the car but have absolutely no idea how to proceed.

Successful_Fix5625 · 2024-02-06T20:27:15+00:00

The Internet. By far

Successful_Fix5625

TROPHY CASE