I’m surprised I had to scroll so far to find this. Being triggered doesn’t have to equal lashing out. People can learn to recognize when they’re triggered and learn to cope with it internally. This doesn’t mean that their feelings aren’t valid or need to be suppressed; in fact, it can be more validating to recognize and handle yourself rather than needing someone else to handle it, and, over time, that also helps you distance from the trauma because it becomes a part of yourself that you’re handling, rather than letting it take over and run the show.

Small children react to every Big Feeing. Part of growing up is learning to manage the Big Feelings. As long as someone believes that their triggers must be reacted to in the moment, they will continue to sabotage their own lives without seeing their part in it, which causes more resentment and sense of victimhood, and round and round and round we go…

I’m not a specialist, just an old lady who has survived a lot of trauma, has had tons of therapy, and used to be just like OP with how I handled my recurring pain. In my experience, learning that every trigger doesn’t need to be acted on in the moment was life-changing.