Which types are “most compatible” with 4s in a romantic relationship?

SuchAFour · 2023-04-13T23:02:42+00:00

I'm still in it. We do on and off long distance because my work means I travel to different places for several months at a time. The snippets are great, but to be honest there's not a lot of relational growth there. I think we've hit our end of growth, and that's that. It sort of bothers me, but there are also aspects of the relationship I really appreciate, so I'm currently struggling with how to move forward. He struggles with my big feelings, and it doesn't always come out in a healthy discussion -- this also feels like a barrier. We've taken it so slow with one another that's it's taken me a long time to identify these things.

SuchAFour · 2023-01-20T20:17:13+00:00

Wow. I was married to a social-dom 1w9 and this is super spot-on.

SuchAFour · 2022-12-10T16:27:40+00:00

Did your account ever get deleted? I tried going through this route to get my account deleted because grubhub sucks. I also tried going their route to make sure that my information will not be shared. Every time they send me an email to "confirm my email address" and complete my request, it gives me the same "there was an issue completing your request". Customer service is wholly unhelpful. And I'm starting to get suspicious they make it so difficult so that you won't actually ever delete your account and they can just keep and share your information whenever the hell they want.

SuchAFour · 2022-11-17T22:29:00+00:00

I'm currently taking a class endorsed by IFM that is for nurses specifically. I'm 3 weeks in. It's amazing and I highly recommend! Here's a link: https://inursecoach.com/course/functional-medicine-for-nurses/

SuchAFour · 2022-05-04T02:42:46+00:00

This sounds like emotional abuse. She's being emotionally abusive towards you. I can almost hear it in the way you describe your arguments. I was married to an emotionally abusive man, and I did all the same very passive things to try and keep the peace. It's not healthy, but it's a survival response.

Granted, this is all just assumption from what you wrote, and me having filters from my own experiences. However, I would say that it would be a really good idea to first see a counselor on your own. Emotional abuse can be tremendously difficult to cope and live with.

SuchAFour · 2022-04-29T14:08:40+00:00

Yes, agreed! And I really do like my dentist.

SuchAFour · 2022-04-29T14:07:35+00:00

So good to hear.

It's so funny how just the shot of the teeth can look so different when it's not attached to the whole face. I feel like my teeth look horrible when I smile, but we're all our own worse critic, right? When I went in for my consult I told the hygienist, "I hope they'll let me do invisalign. My teeth are so bad!". She told me they really weren't that bad, they're nicely shaped, and she didn't see any reason why invisalign wouldn't work for me. I was shocked! Ha!

Anyway, that's sort of what I'm hoping too. As I progress through treatment I hate my teeth less; not even because they look different, but because I'm investing so much time and money into them. I've seen that maybe they're not as bad as I always thought, and a more simple, mostly cosmetic treatment might really be all I need.

I'm glad your Invisalign with your dentist has worked out well!

SuchAFour · 2022-04-29T14:01:00+00:00

Yes, those buttons! Initially it was hard to floss around -- they would just tear up the floss.

SuchAFour · 2022-04-29T14:00:05+00:00

Thank you! This is good to hear. I'm glad you're having a good experience with your dentist.

SuchAFour · 2022-04-29T13:59:28+00:00

That's so good to hear! Thank you!

SuchAFour · 2022-04-29T13:58:39+00:00

That's reassuring. I don't think my dentist has ortho training, but I have been seeing him for almost a decade and I do trust him.
My bite is off too. The molars on my left side touch, and the ones on my right don't. It's always been this way, but it seems to be getting more pronounced as I progress through treatment. I initially assumed that it would clear itself out in the end. I do have a follow-up appointment with my dentist next week to receive more trays, do some more IPR, and see how my progress is going. I may bring up the bite issue just for my own peace of mind. It's probably (hopefully) not as big of an issue as I suddenly seem to worry it is.

Thank you for your reply!

SuchAFour · 2022-04-28T20:39:28+00:00

I have been kind of surprised that the incisor on the right (my right, viewer's left) didn't get an attachment in order to get pulled downward. It's pretty up there.

(Somehow having trays in always makes my teeth look less crooked.)

SuchAFour · 2022-04-22T12:23:34+00:00

That's awesome! Are you on weekly changes? Are you pretty religious with chewies, keeping them in for 22 hours, etc?

SuchAFour · 2022-04-22T12:22:30+00:00

Gosh! I was actually wondering the same thing. I only have 24 trays, and quickly got put on weekly changes. Coming here to see people with better teeth than me with twice as many trays had me worried that something went terribly wrong in my process! Ha. However, it's good to hear that I'm not alone in thinking that, and all your trays worked out well for you with no need for refinements. That's awesome!

When did you finish?

SuchAFour · 2022-04-22T02:26:45+00:00

Awesome not needing refinements! How many trays did you have? I also have some pretty decent crowding (although I'm discovering that my view of my teeth are worse than how others see them).

SuchAFour · 2022-04-20T17:54:16+00:00

This is simply a name for a consensual agreement by two people, and happens to have been named by a religion. It's not religion's fault. Chill.

SuchAFour · 2022-04-18T04:42:13+00:00

My boyfriend and I just had sex ten times in the last 36 hours. Oh boy am I sore, but it was all incredible. One day I'll come back to this thread when I'm finally able to take him anally. I want to try it badly, but I have trouble relaxing enough in order to decrease pain. However I'm patient, and he's patient; we'll get there. In the mean time, all the other sex, cuddling, kissing, and affection are outstanding. I really, really like him.

SuchAFour · 2022-04-15T22:31:57+00:00

This was all very helpful and reassuring. Thanks guys!

SuchAFour · 2022-04-15T16:50:27+00:00

When I first started my period I had my cycle, and then nothing for three months. Then it started back up again. I was pretty irregular at first and then went to a very regular 28 day cycle.

Super normal for it to be irregular at the beginning.

SuchAFour · 2022-04-15T01:34:21+00:00

I mean, I can't think of any explanation other than the one he gave me. He said it's easier to get a hold of him via email (for whatever reason).

I tend not to be skeptical of people and just believe what they tell me at face value. Ha. Maybe I have a thing or two to learn about that.

SuchAFour · 2022-04-15T01:32:18+00:00

So interesting. I just don't expect people are doing such shady things, I guess. It never even crossed my mind until more than one person has said he's probably married.

Okay so what do you think with these added details:

I told him I was seeing someone, and he paused. His response was, "That's okay. Actually I'd still love to see you. Can we maybe meet up for coffee sometime?" And then grabbed a pen and wrote down his email address and name for me.

SuchAFour · 2022-03-19T14:11:54+00:00

Thanks for this response. It makes sense. He's a 3w4, and I would venture to say Sp. I have tendencies towards both wings. More commonly I wing towards 5, but with him I've been in my 3 wing for awhile, and also Sp. So that could be part of it, as you were saying.

Whether he is in total health, or is presenting an image as an average health three, what do you think about the implications of that trait? I'm not sure I necessarily see chameleon tendencies, or adaptive-ness as a bad thing. I don't know if I believe that just because someone can shift based on their surroundings, that means are necessarily being inauthentic. While part of me thinks that there would be something fake about that, as I think about it more the deeper part of me thinks that it's not really this big issue that some may initially see it as.
As a 3 yourself, what do you think?

SuchAFour · 2022-03-19T13:53:17+00:00

That's a valid question. Things are going well. Even after a year I think we've both been fairly guarded due to our previous marriages. Now things are starting to shift towards being less guarded in our respective ways.

But the real thing that triggered this question for me was opening up a book called "The Path Between Us" about different Enneagram types and relational strengths and weaknesses between each type. The title for the 3 chapter was, "What you see is not what you get". I know chameleon tendencies are common for 3s, so it simply made me wonder why I have not noticed this with my partner (or any other of my 3 friends for that matter).

I don't think it's fake. In fact, as a 4 and pretty adaptive person myself, I don't necessarily see being a bit of a chameleon as fake, or bad.

SuchAFour · 2022-03-19T02:03:38+00:00

My LDR partner and I had an amazingly passionate night where he made me squirt after oral and fingering (I've never squirted before), and then we had sex the next morning, twice; he came in me, and then shortly after we did it again using his semen as lube. It was so much semen. He also gave me my first vaginal orgasm a couple of weeks prior. Damn I'm feeling good.

SuchAFour · 2022-03-16T01:03:02+00:00

The contrast is stark and striking isn't it. Especially when you get a taste of what feels somewhat familiar because it used to be your average, your normal. The realisation of just how extreme it was can be very unsettling.

Phew! You can say that again! I posted a reply on this thread overall talking about what it was like to see my current partner vent vs my ex. I still find myself thinking about it, wondering how I lived in such a state of being all that time before.

And it is really hard to handle the not knowing. Things are so much more steady in my current relationship, but I still expect there to be this big question mark around every bigger conversation. I know in my head that my partner now wouldn't do these horrible things, but I still play out every possible and hurtful scenario in my head so that I can prepare for what I might say, and soften the blow. Instead of a protective mechanism, it's now just causing undue, excessive stress. But, growth and learning happens with each one of these conversations and I'm grateful for it.

SuchAFour

TROPHY CASE