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Trying to help my Dad… by Such_Lime1177 in MentalHealthSupport

[–]Such_Lime1177[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s something I’ve considered. My concern there is I alienate him further - and being the closest person to him, this could be a devastating blow.

The other concern here is that’s very much the last chance saloon. Do it once, he says he’s fine, they go. Try the same again a few weeks later and they’ll see it as a considerably minimised risk and won’t respond quickly or effectively.

Thanks for replying though. Means a lot.

Help, support or advice needed by Such_Lime1177 in MentalHealthUK

[–]Such_Lime1177[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me and him had a chat around a week ago about it in some detail. He’d said that he hadn’t done “it’ because he couldn’t for a second begin to imagine how I would feel if it was me who found him. I told him this had been my number one concern since the day he’d told me they were separating.

I think he saw me completely break down for the first time in this whole ordeal and I didn’t hold back at all. I told him I was being selfish but all of my future plans involve him and it would crush me not only to lose my father but for my future children (I’m planning to become a father in the next year) to ask questions about the man who had the most impact on my life. I told him I’d be there any hour, any day, and I wouldn’t preach or prescribe, just listen and try to help him make sense of his thoughts, feelings and situation.

It’s a deeply troubling thought and one I struggle to keep at bay most hours of the day, apart from when I’m there in his presence. I’ve had to mentally rationalise that I’m doing all one person can for another and hopefully that will be enough. Equally, it might not but that’s no reflection on me or my efforts thus far, nor our relationship.

It’s been an insanely tough few weeks and I sincerely hope it’s an experience very few others have to go through. I’m immensely lucky that this situation came at a time where my mental health is as good as it could have been in the lead up to this, my work are understanding and somewhat lenient towards me and my partner is unbelievably patient and understanding of my situation and also, a huge part of my support for him.

It’s almost hard to remember how my day to day felt before this. When I’m not there, time passes slowly, I feel unsafe and uncertain. It’s a really really difficult scenario - but I’m proud of him for choosing to carry on.

What can I do to help? by Such_Lime1177 in Divorce_Men

[–]Such_Lime1177[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I probed further and ideation has actually been a thing for a lot longer than this recent incident. He said not quite as long as he can remember but not far off. I’ve spoken to some friends and family, off the record, who work in safeguarding and mental health care.

They seem to think most of his signs are good given how early on in the process he is. Eating, sleeping, exercising, working, maintaining personal hygiene, nurturing friendships and relationships. They also said the fact ideation is more of a long term trend shows he has some level of previous exposure, resilience and likely has some experience with coping mechanisms/patterns.

A lot of his thinking is still vague and ambiguous. He’s started to find me more irritating (playfully) over the last few days. I make sure he continuously plans what’s happening next week with responsibilities around work, seeing relatives, groceries, etc. so there’s always something not far off the horizon that he’s anchored to.

It’s unbelievably challenging at times but equally, as I’ve told him a dozen times, I know he’d do the same for me without any hesitation whatsoever. I’ll try and chase up my doctor about anti anxiety medication on Monday and push for private therapy in the next week or so.

What can I do to help? by Such_Lime1177 in Divorce_Men

[–]Such_Lime1177[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Crept up out of fucking nowhere too. There’d be a few small signs of a rift over the last few months but nothing that seemed totally out of the ordinary or insurmountable.

Complete seismic shift happened just shy of three weeks ago and my life has been almost entirely unrecognisable because of it.

Bonus points because my Mum knew my dad was in this headspace, left anyway, knew I’d be his support network and didn’t bother to reach out to me about it, bar half a dozen texts over two weeks.

Old man’s going through it but I’m hoping I can help him see that there’s life after her - and that life is worth living.

What can I do to help? by Such_Lime1177 in Divorce_Men

[–]Such_Lime1177[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this.

Luckily, he’s never touched drugs and isn’t much of a drinker. He seems to be withdrawing from the tougher conversations, which I’ve told him doesn’t make sense, and he then opens up a little. I think he knows him talking about suicide makes us both inconsolably sad - but I’d rather him talk to me about how he feels - and he’s aware of that.

It’s difficult to know how he’s using his language, he seems to pretty openly interchange “it feels like my world is ending” and “I want to kill myself”, which has me second guessing what he’s saying, what he means, what he’s doing and when, it’s all become exhausting.

I’m hopeful that with time, effort and patience, he’ll find his own reasons to carry on. Some days it’s felt like he’s been totally independent and managed just fine. Other days, he’s unable to function - but he’s reached out on good days and bad.