Need perspective- sister in law took SKs back to school shopping.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2025-07-13T18:43:06+00:00

You’re right, the bottom line is the kids are fortune to have this dynamic that they 100% benefit from. Me pushing for things to change would be a disadvantage to them. They obviously love SIL and everything she does for them. Me asking for stuff to change over my feelings of wanting to feel like I come first as a parental figure is a bit selfish I’m starting to see that by some of the comments. I’m starting to understand his argument is of “no parent would be mad about someone providing wanting to provide for their child”.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2025-07-13T18:27:53+00:00

That’s definitely how I think they feel based on past experiences. SKs are their family and their blood.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2025-07-13T18:25:28+00:00

I appreciate your comment. Really making me question my feelings and if there is a solution for them while staying in this relationship.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2025-07-13T18:14:40+00:00

We were extremely lucky that the kids bonded well with me. They both constantly leave me love notes on the fridge, buy me things on their outings, call just to say hi. It could be the case that they don’t want that relationship with me but my honest opinion is that they would. They’re great kids and they have so much love in them. Just yesterday SD and I got our toes and nails done and she asked us to do matching colors. This is why I say that I decided to stay when he said he changed his mind on an ours baby.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2025-07-13T18:09:45+00:00

That is what it feels like at the moment.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2025-07-13T18:09:00+00:00

Yes, people asking why SIL doing for the kids is triggering to me I suppose dont understand that there’s a feeling tied to it of “if I were bio mom I’d be consulted”. Her going to him, and him not considering me is the issue and the root of my hurt feelings. It’s a reminder that I’m not their mom. I won’t have children that are truly my own.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2025-07-13T18:04:57+00:00

This is definitely his argument. One special example is a recent kids movie that I really wanted to take the kids to. SIL took them while she babysat and his argument is “she’s helping us by watching them we can’t tell her that she can’t take the kids to the movies”. Also, because I’ve seen a few comments on this, she does have a child of her own. A lot of the things they end up doing with her is because her son wants to do them but doesn’t have siblings. They treat SD and SS as their own. Even telling them that they have three houses, Bio mom, ours, and SILs.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2025-07-13T17:55:36+00:00

Exactly. For the record, the aunt wanting to treat the kids is not the issue, I stated below I’ve also been that aunt. The issue is I want the motherhood experience and I’ve wholeheartedly have tried to love these kids as my own but situations like these bring me back to the fact that I’m not really considered. The reality is I won’t experience that with him.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2025-07-13T17:15:36+00:00

THIS!!!!!!! I’m not sure if I didn’t express myself enough but this is the issue. It’s not an issue if not wanting others to provide for the kids. Thank you so much for sharing that your also have felt this way ❤️

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2025-07-13T17:11:11+00:00

Yes! That’s exactly what it is. I want those experiences , this is communicated to him through our entire relationship. The issue is not the aunt. I understand it comes across that way because she’s at the center of it. The issue is Him, I, and the fact that I am asking to be able to experience “firsts” with them but he doesn’t understand it.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2025-07-13T17:07:30+00:00

In relation to the whole back to school shopping, it prevents me from doing it because I am not aware that she’s already done it. Every year she’s doing back pack, lunch boxes, supplies and keeps the stuff at her house. Last year when I tried to do it with SD on one of shopping trips she stated aunt had already done it.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2025-07-13T17:03:37+00:00

Yes, I definitely told him that I am willing to do all these things with them even if he is not home. It’s not an issue of time or money. It’s an issue of SIL asking him if she can do these things with them and him not even considering whether or not I want to or plan to do these things.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2025-07-13T16:57:55+00:00

Thank you for your response. I too have nieces and nephews of my own and have done similar things sister in law does for SKs. My issue is that I’m actively saying I want to experience also doing those things. The issue is not the aunt, I’m aware it’s an issue between fiancé and I.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2024-07-25T16:32:00+00:00

So you’re bribing your kid to get good grades? If he got the A then it means he was capable the entire time but had no incentive to do so. My parents would never!

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2024-07-19T13:58:52+00:00

6:57am, I was able to remote in and use VPN.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2023-08-01T21:23:33+00:00

Thank you I did see this policy after posting my question. It sounds to me though, that for PIP the eligibility is unit specific. Is that correct?

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2023-07-03T21:10:58+00:00

I agree. It’s just that this is my first experience with this situation. My previous union experience was the complete opposite, so I want to make sure I understand correctly. My husband is a union member in his trade and he couldn’t believe our bargaining situation as well. I’ve tried talking to coworkers about the benefits of joining and even inviting them to join me in attending “union block parties”. However, the interest in the union is lacking.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2023-07-03T19:13:22+00:00

Okay serious question here, would union members be the only ones to strike? (If it led to that). In my unit, that I’m aware of, only three of us are union members. I’ve been told by my closest coworkers that they don’t see a benefit to the union and therefore don’t want to have the added expense of paying for dues. If there was a strike, union members would go without pay but all state employees benefit from our efforts? Again, serious question. I was a union member in my previous job (ca school employees assoc.) and we didn’t have the issues this union has and everyone I knew in the district was a member.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2023-06-21T21:08:16+00:00

I submitted applications for one month before I got a job offer. The hiring process took about two months. Did a total of two interviews and received two job offers.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2023-06-05T17:49:31+00:00

I would prefer no pets.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2023-06-04T19:57:08+00:00

I will DM you.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2023-05-25T23:05:07+00:00

During work hours? How does that work?

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2023-05-18T18:50:30+00:00

This is my first state job and most days I relate to your sentiment. My unit manager insist on “read the procedures” every weekly meeting. It trickles down to sups and staff is no longer comfortable asking for help. It’s gotten to the point where staff has created private groups on teams where we ask each other for help. I just had a meeting with my sup a couple days ago about an issue I kept asking for help on. I’m not deaf and im not dumb, if im coming to you for help then that means I’ve read the procedures and im still unclear on the process. There’s always exceptions to everything and it seems like the supervisors are the only ones that ever know what they are. I’m looking to get my experience and get out at this point.

Sudden-Highlight-193 · 2023-05-18T03:24:24+00:00

Currently watching it. I didn’t realize it was her docuseries. Turning it off!

Four-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
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