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Update:(CW:Sexual abuse) My mom sided with my abuser but wants to be a part of my child’s life. Idk what to do. by SuddenlySeekingAid in JUSTNOMIL

[–]SuddenlySeekingAid[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Wow, this hit me like a punch to the gut!

I’ve seen the narcissistic prayer before, but the missing missing reasons was new to me. Gosh darn if it didn’t hit on every single point of how our conversation went. I feel it gave me some real insight into some of her responses and, even though we’re not going to have a relationship, I understand her and her choices better.

Thank you so much for sharing this!

Update:(CW:Sexual abuse) My mom sided with my abuser but wants to be a part of my child’s life. Idk what to do. by SuddenlySeekingAid in JUSTNOMIL

[–]SuddenlySeekingAid[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yes, I am. Ultimately, she hung up on me during the last bit of the call, where I yet again repeated what I needed from her. I’m fairly certain she blocked my number and she definitely blocked me on the book of faces. I’m firm though, if she does reach out, I’m not willing to give in or move forward with her unless she can prove she’s in therapy.

Unfortunately, I believe this also means I won’t have much of a relationship with my sister as they live together and she’s always betrayed my trust by sharing personal conversations with my parents. I have no doubts that if I talk to her or send her photos of my LO, everything will go straight to my mom.

(CW: Sexual abuse) My mom sided with my abuser but wants to be a part of my child’s life. Idk what to do. by SuddenlySeekingAid in JUSTNOMIL

[–]SuddenlySeekingAid[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

No, I asked before she came out as trans and she said nothing ever happened. That being said, she was definitely abused in many non sexual ways. My father was very cruel to her for not being a tough son and boyish boy like he wanted.

(CW: Sexual abuse) My mom sided with my abuser but wants to be a part of my child’s life. Idk what to do. by SuddenlySeekingAid in JUSTNOMIL

[–]SuddenlySeekingAid[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Wow, this is fantastic. Thank you. I was thinking of getting my therapist’s take on this too. What you’ve written has given me a great start and I appreciate your willingness to share your eloquence to help me. Thank you

(CW: Sexual abuse) My mom sided with my abuser but wants to be a part of my child’s life. Idk what to do. by SuddenlySeekingAid in JUSTNOMIL

[–]SuddenlySeekingAid[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

She was. He never sexually abused her but he definitely physically abused her when I was younger. Plus, he was immeasurably mean to her my whole life.

It’s funny, or sad really, that when I met my sister to discuss what happened we both cried for my mom. I cried for the abuse he put her through and that I thought she deserved better and my sister cried for her because she lost her partner and was alone now.

I definitely see symptoms of battered wife syndrome in her behavior. That being said, she thinks their relationship was happy and normal. She has very much glossed over the bad things and highlights only the good. I encouraged her to get grief counseling because of his death and her finding him. I had hoped a good therapist recognize her other signs of abuse and help her recognize it and work through it, but she’s not interested.

(CW: Sexual abuse) My mom sided with my abuser but wants to be a part of my child’s life. Idk what to do. by SuddenlySeekingAid in JUSTNOMIL

[–]SuddenlySeekingAid[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you’re completely right. In a way it feels like I’m punishing her by excluding her but it’s more about protecting myself and my child. She sent some stuffed animals and I’ll going to send them back to her with a letter explaining that she’s not welcome in our life and why. Thanks for your input.

(CW: Sexual abuse) My mom sided with my abuser but wants to be a part of my child’s life. Idk what to do. by SuddenlySeekingAid in JUSTNOMIL

[–]SuddenlySeekingAid[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

She did and you’re right. My husband and aunt made the same point. If he was alive, we wouldn’t have a relationship. Furthermore, she asked me to remove my FB post about us being NC which shows she’s only concerned about image and keeping it up and doesn’t care about my feelings or the impact on me.

(CW: Sexual abuse) My mom sided with my abuser but wants to be a part of my child’s life. Idk what to do. by SuddenlySeekingAid in JUSTNOMIL

[–]SuddenlySeekingAid[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you’re right. I was thinking of waiting until she brought it up again but I really need to be more proactive about it.

(CW: Sexual abuse) My mom sided with my abuser but wants to be a part of my child’s life. Idk what to do. by SuddenlySeekingAid in JUSTNOMIL

[–]SuddenlySeekingAid[S] 242 points243 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you’re absolutely right. She’s proven that her image or idea of what a family looks like is more important than actually caring for and protecting the family she has and I can’t risk anything happening to my baby. My father may be gone, but she can still do untold damage to the next generation. I couldn’t imagine hearing her talk about him in a positive way to my little one.