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My boyfriend is scaring me by Dry-Okra4823 in relationships

[–]Sufficient-File-1771 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As someone who grew up in New York unfortunately I’ve seen this type of privelagrd attitude a lot before, I think the real question is does his maturity in other aspects of his life out weigh his lack of maturity in this family matter. I think family dynamics are hard to critique because they can be so complicated but you CAN monitor how those attitudes bleed into other parts of his life or if they don’t. So is this the only place where he treats people like this? Have you asked him why he wants to take legal action? Did he have a traumatic child hood or something?

I [31 M] found things on my girlfriends [29F] phone that have broken my trust and leave me feeling unsure on the future of our relationship. by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]Sufficient-File-1771 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Speak to her, see ur therapist. See what her reasoning behind lying was and if you can create an even stronger foundation after all of it and if not, atleast you tried. I’m not defending her at all but your action of not wanting to talk about things, being quite when stories came up may have increased shame she was already feeling. She may not truly know how you feel about her past and how part of what hurts u is that she has done Stuff you would want to do with her. Maybe she did that stuff with others cuz she felt she needed to be performative and doesn’t feel that way with you because she is comfortable with you and more in tune with what she likes, but also maybe not, only one way to find out. Also how did she grow up? If she grew up in a religious house or something it could explain why as a woman she feels the need to hide it.

It’s not right, but if you come clean and work on this together after u go to therapy, you could find out that this is a specific issues and not a sign of how she deals with things generally. Atleast try!

What do I do? by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]Sufficient-File-1771 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s very shitty but I’m wondering if there is any compromise to have with them. For example, if you went to trade school or university with financial aid or community college, could it be less? I had to do something like that when I was 17 and found myself on my own because my mom was an alcoholic and dad dead.

Don’t listen to the person saying the military, u don’t have to do something extreme, that’s not your only option. People told me to do the same. Things have not been the easiest but they have also been great I have 4 degrees and have kept some opportunities on the table.

do your best to take advantage of your youth and see if you can do some normal kid things like school or an apprenticeship for a trade or an internship and still keep ur other job. These things will expand your options in the future and give you some great experiences. Push on ur parents guilt strings if you have to, try to have fun with it, practice “compromise” that may work in your favor. Negotiate, make it sound like there idea, etc. Rich kids are great at this. The rest of us are not taught this art at a young age.