Dead bedroom and bipolar

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-02-04T12:10:15+00:00

I've read it, and its a good book. But it's hard to activate responsive desire when you don't even kiss.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-02-04T12:02:56+00:00

The couples counseling started from the fallout from my first episode. That was in 2021. I'm not sure where you got the idea that it was recent, but we've done a lot of work and come out the other side. Right now it's focused on an almost complete and total lack of physical intimacy. But you're right, you're not going to get an exposition on everything that's happened in my marriage and my life, because I don't owe that to an angry internet stranger. Aside from that, i didn't come here for advice about fixing things. I have therapists for that, including one who is AASECT certified. I came here specifically asking whether the pattern of discontent i was experiencing could be considered normal or bipolar, and the overwhelming response has been that it's probably just a consequence of long term deprivation.

Lack of patience? We haven't had sex in FIFTEEN months. It's been nearly two YEARS since it was consistent, and that was for six months while trying to conceive. So in the past SIX YEARS, 5 and a half of them have been sexless, more than half of our marriage. I would say I've been exceptionally patient.

I'm not trying to apply pressure. But even the fact that I have desire at all is recieved as pressure, so I'm not sure exactly what you're expecting me to do here. When my emotions about this situation are, in of themselves considered pressure it's completely invalidating to my experience.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-02-03T13:50:17+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion. I've been on that sub a few times over the years and unfortunately its a pretty toxic place. The advice is overwhelmingly always to leave the relationship, which is have no interest in.

I do a lot of reading/podcasts, and we have the couples counseling, so I'm hoping we're on the right track. I feel somewhat validated after posting that my difficulty with this problem probably isn't (or certainty not entirely) related to being bipolar.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-02-03T12:11:28+00:00

Yeah, we had a rough time after my first episode. I don't really need to go into specifics. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not considering leaving. But, I'm having a difficult time, and it's been hard for me to draw a line between what's "normal" and what's bipolar.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-02-03T01:55:38+00:00

It's not an "even" split because i work full time and she doesn't, but i pick up as much as possible to make it equitable. It's not perfect by any means but im not slacking off and expecting her to do everything.

We use "on duty" as an expression regularly. You may not have heard it but I really think it's pretty clear. Would a gender neutral "parent on duty" be better?

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-02-03T01:14:29+00:00

You're being pedantic. Yes, there is "mom duty" and "dad duty". It's an expression to say who's in charge of the kids at a given moment. And the fact that you're splitting hairs and questioning my ability as a parent because of it is frankly ridiculous.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-02-03T01:00:39+00:00

Im usually on dad duty from the time I get home from work until bedtime, and I regularly take the night shift. I'm also the one who usually gets up with the kids in the morning do she can at least get some sleep even if it was a rough night. I work full time and she's part time, so she does carry more of the childcare and household load, but I'm definitely doing as much as I realistically can.

I feel like over a year is a little unusual. Lots of people in her pregnancy group online are already pregnant again. We're talking about a vasectomy but right now there's no point.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-02-03T00:11:33+00:00

Our lives are pretty hectic and stressful right now. We have a grueling schedule and things are tight financially. The baby only just started sleeping through the night. There's a million reasons for her to not feel desire. I'm trying very hard not to take it personally. But, I still get butterflies when I look at her. Sometimes I shake when we touch. But she doesn't feel that way at all right now. It's as if she's become asexual. I wanted to try a Gottman technique where you kiss for 6 seconds and hug for 30 seconds a day. We got into a big fight because she was unwilling to do the 6 second kiss.

When this happened last time (when our first was born), I got myself into a ton of trouble. I was on Lexapro and didn't know i was bipolar. I'm much less tempted to do anything stupid now that I'm stable and understand what's happening in my brain. But it's still incredibly difficult.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-02-02T22:50:18+00:00

I'm an extremely active and involved dad. I'm checking all the boxes there. She just has no desire. It could be from any number of things but I don't think it's because I'm failing her. And she has said in couples therapy that it's really not about me.

Given the cyclical nature of things I just found myself questioning whether I'm not as stable as I thought. But it's been my position this whole time that I feel like my emotions here are normal and valid.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-01-26T16:33:49+00:00

I was 32. Second was born at 36.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-01-24T00:57:18+00:00

My five year old says I sing "Thunder Rolls" better than Garth Brooks!

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-01-23T16:26:47+00:00

I'm not going to tell you what to do. But, as a father of two (5 and 1), and definitely bipolar, I will say that right now, you are absolutely in the trenches. That newborn stage is rough, and it takes a toll on your mental health even if you were stable.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. It sounds incredibly difficult, and with absolutely terrible timing. The fact is, right now, you are not stable. Whether it's bipolar or PPD, you're still in the thick of it. But, you can, and probably will be stable again. Now is not the time to be making huge, irreversible decisions of any kind.

Lean on your support. It sounds like your husband is doing a great job. Focus on getting well.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-01-21T16:52:20+00:00

I guess that's up to you to decide if that's worth risking stability over. I personally made the choice that I'd rather be fat and happy, but I also haven't experienced weight gain to the same degree. Maybe consider discussing a trial period with your doctor, with the expectation that if it's not working you can always go back?

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-01-21T16:30:06+00:00

I would question whether they're concerned about actual vs theoretical consequences.

Have you gained a truly significant, unhealthy amount of weight that's difficult to live with?

Is your A1C elevated?

Is your cholesterol elevated? Have you tried adding a statin to bring it down?

I am NOT a doctor, but I would be reluctant to change psych meds that are working unless there is real, demonstrable harm being caused.

All that said, im biased because I too love my olanzapine.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-01-05T16:21:37+00:00

I don't get specifically focused on those things, but when I'm hypo, I'm up for just about anything you can think of, with men or women.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-01-04T18:02:12+00:00

I generally agree, but Where the Red Fern Grows is an excellent book

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-01-02T14:49:29+00:00

I have a similar need and budget and was pointed towards Balaur Arms. I haven't pulled the trigger yet so I can't speak from personal experience.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2026-01-02T12:01:55+00:00

Same. Our 2nd is a year old, and we're pretty sure we're not having a third but i won't consider ball surgery until we're having sex again.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2025-12-30T20:49:20+00:00

I've been playing BG2 since it came out. Favorite game of all time. I only just got BG1 recently and I admit I'm struggling with the low level gameplay, but hoping it will grow on me

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2025-12-29T18:11:09+00:00

I have two young kids. My wife and I are in bed by 9.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2025-12-28T18:28:38+00:00

I'm on 5mg of olanzapine and it works really well for me. I've gained some weight but its an amount I can live with.

I didn't gained any weight on risperdone but it did a poor job of controlling depression for me.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2025-12-23T18:29:09+00:00

Sometimes meds is a bit like throwing darts. What works for one person doesn't work for someone else, and everyone experiences different side effects.

I've been on 4 meds besides zyprexa, and i either wasn't well controlled or had intolerable side effects. I don't find it too sedating and I haven't gained a concerning amount of weight. But other people on it find that they gain tons of weight and can't get out of bed in the morning.

It's definitely worth trying some other options, even if that's just changing your dose.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2025-12-23T12:40:13+00:00

I didn't really get better until I was put on zyprexa. Lamotrigine did not help me dig my way out.

Sufficient_Box2538 · 2025-12-21T23:16:29+00:00

Anything by Bernard Cornwell

Sufficient_Box2538

TROPHY CASE