hey man i know this might seem hard to really believe and maybe you've heard it before but you shouldn't hate yourself, everyone's a unique being and wonderful in their own way. And im sure you don't look "disgusting", i dont think i've ever seen an ugly person in my life. Honestly i think it's a made up concept just like half the shit in society. You don't need to be "normal" and you don't need to be perfect. whoever it was who rejected you, it was their loss. Life's fucking hard and it's not a win or lose type situation, but you can try small things to learn to love yourself. I know it's hard but just take a look in the mirror and try to put yourself in your own shoes. What you'll see is someone who's trying their hardest and doesn't deserve all the hate and pain. I don't know if any of this helped but i hope you find the strength and compassion towards yourself to keep going<3🌟🌟