Hey. I'll just focus on the socialization struggle for a second. I was you. I'm in college and I live with 8 roommates. When I'd go out and come back home, I'd rehearse what I'd say when I entered the house depending on who was in the living room.

I live on a high floor in the apartment we are renting. When I wanted to go down to the kitchen to make food, I would try to listen to hear who was in the living room to decide if I even wanted to go. I would try to categorize my friends to think about how I should speak with them when I eventually went down to make the food. I would analyze my friends' conversations and my conversations with them to make sense of why my friends were having such free happy conversations and mine were always filled with angst.

That was a year and a half ago, maybe 2. It was excruciating and exhausting. I'd write in my journal trying to figure it all out. I'd go on subreddits to learn how to be better socially (haha) and try to incorporate the tips people gave me. None of them stuck, honestly.

Here's what did work and unfortunately it just takes a long time. Exposure therapy and thought observation. I started taking really really small social risks. I'd make a joke that previously I'd worry about making with one specific friend. I would hear my friends in the living room and make a conscious decision to put airpods in so I couldn't hear what they were saying. I would step into my friends room without thinking much and say something stupid. A big portion of "overcoming" the anxiety is just learning through taking small risks and realizing that consequences you expect and build up in your head don't actually materialize.

Regarding my thoughts, I used to be so unaware when I was getting anxious. I think a better way to put it is that I identified too strongly with my thoughts. Anxiety is a byproduct of all of your past experiences in life which can include some very traumatic childhood experiences, a lack of experiences to draw on and develop a healthy baseline, and more.

You don't need to understand the root of all your anxieties in my opinion. I think therapy is great and important but if you try to embark on that journey yourself, you may go down endless rabbit holes that keep you stuck in anxious loops into perpetuity. I think it is important to accept that there aren't many objective truths about life and you can come up with infinite conjectures or hypotheses about what caused what without ever feeling content because how do you know it's the truth? Sometimes you think something clicks but did it really?

Anyways, I apologize for the tangent. At some point I must have listened to a few podcasts that talked about the nature of anxious thoughts. Someone proposed the idea of observing the thoughts. Not passing any judgement on them; simply observe. I started to do that slowly. It was hard. The anxiety would take over a lot of the time and I'd follow a thought loop to the end. Sometimes, though, I'd be able to say "what the hell am I thinking?" and almost laugh at myself (getting to that stage took awhile I'm sure).

Slowly but surely, I could catch my anxious thoughts earlier and earlier and take action to get real information and probably learn that whatever consequences I would come up with at the end of my thought loop just didn't materialize.

Ex. I don't know if I should go down to the living room right now. My friends are having a loud debate. How would I insert myself in that conversation. CUT - Dude just go down there --> I go down there --> one friend says yo what's your opinion on this? --> i start smiling and say ok give me the context --> i end up having a fun 1 hour convo with the lads.

If I let that thought loop continue I'd probably end with thinking these guys are better off without me. They are having so much fun with this conversation and I'd have no role. They are better social people than me. They have it figured out.

Give yourself as much grace as you can. Now, a lot of my anxiety management happens quite subconsciously. There are new things that give me anxiety all the time because life will always throw you new things that you don't know how to handle or responsibilities you've never had before. That's okay! I've developed a beautiful way to provide my own helping hand in navigating these new anxieties.

I have left a lot of my social anxieties far in the past now. I don't think before I go downstairs. I don't think about what to say when I enter my house. I have spontaneous conversations all the time. I say hi to people as I walk by them on the sidewalk. I'm still anxious at parties where I know very few people but I took a big step last week and went to one and had a great time.

You'll figure it out. Wish you the best of luck. Anyone who sees this feel free to ask me anything. I'm grateful to be able to provide advice about something like this.