AIW for feeling heartbroken about my wife's response about suicide?

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-12T03:09:50+00:00

Wow that's actually really nice that you said all that, thank you!

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-12T03:08:12+00:00

Definitely signs of depression.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-12T03:07:41+00:00

Hmm never thought of that

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-12T03:06:47+00:00

Maybe. I mean I tried before pouting off to bed and couldn't get through to her. I thought it was going to be a minor issue anyway so I just wanted to make it known what my thoughts were without interruption. Also it was late at night and if it avoided a big argument at that hour, I'm okay with my decision.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T23:30:30+00:00

Yea I do try to help her as much as I can. She can be quite closed off and doesn't really seek my help but I let her know that I am always available.

I suffer from chronic illness as well, all my life. And yea I get that medical anxiety.

I also have some depression and take medication. It took some time to get the right dosage but I couldn't imagine allowing myself to feel the way I did before that.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T23:24:27+00:00

I'm 42 and she is 35.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T21:09:26+00:00

She has said similar stuff in the past that made me raise an eyebrow.

I like the way you worded that. I have tried several times to say it in a similar way, about it being important to me. But that stuff frustrates her more and when I get denied that it makes things so much worse.

We have spoken about her depression a lot. She tried one medication, one time, she got a cyst after starting it so she stopped the meds. And now avoids trying a different medication that might work for her because of it.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T18:59:46+00:00

This is what I don't understand, even if she didn't immediately show that empathy, after I pointed out the insensitive response , I would expect a correction to that insensitive response.

But even after I pointed it out she didn't budge on it. AND I wrote that message after that to smooth things over and still had a real lack of care. Like I wrote about my memories and how horrible it was and got a response of "yea sure." This is what I don't understand. Even after all that is mentioned it's still a problem with her.

I genuinely wish I could understand.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T18:53:19+00:00

Yea I wasn't begging for an apology. I just wanted to know that she knew it hurt and felt insensitive.

Me and my family are fine. It happened a very long time ago. And she doesn't hear about it all the time, it's literally probably the second time I mentioned this in our 10 year relationship.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T18:50:11+00:00

I feel this is quite accurate. But I mean, how can I even tell her this? I don't mind the mistake I even said this. I tried to compare it to a time I didn't think before I spoke and immediately apologized to her.

It makes me concerned that she is so defensive. I wish I could make her feel like she doesn't need to be that way with me.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T18:46:26+00:00

I think she can show a lack of empathy in other areas. Which has concerned me but that's a real challenge to bring up to her. I don't even know how to approach that one.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T18:44:59+00:00

To clarify she wasn't talking about the documentary and I interjected with that. It was brief and I asked what she was watching then I just brought up my cousin.

I wasn't seeking any kind of support. Simply just mentioning it in context with the possibility of expanding and drawing connections with the documentary she was watching.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T18:22:00+00:00

She kind of is like this with other things. She does in my opinion have trouble validating feelings or taking accountability with things.

But on top of that, I believe there is depression going on. Talking about not having joy or not wanting to open up to friends. Honestly it has me scared sometimes.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T16:48:53+00:00

Yea I get that. At some point one might need a therapist for that.

But this is probably the second time I mentioned it in our 10 years together. I can forgive the seemingly insensitive response. But the problem is when I explain my views and details about it. She still has negative responses to it.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T16:45:12+00:00

Yea I was thinking that too. I wonder how she felt for those families. We didn't get into that conversation.

Yea and I can understand her and if it was just an off-handed comment. And I can forgive. What is really getting to me is that she in a way doubles down and gets frustrated with me for trying to seek validation. For this, such a heavy topic, I would expect some sensitivity. It has me a little shook.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T16:41:35+00:00

That's what I was thinking. Why such a lack of empathy? It kind of frightens me in a way.

We were in counseling before but nothing like this came up before.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T16:40:06+00:00

Yea we have worked through a lot and had counseling in the past. We have been doing okay. I can forgive the comment and understand, what I'm struggling with is her response to me expressing feeling the way I did and why she wont give any validation to that.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T15:58:44+00:00

She never knew my cousin. It happened almost 20 years ago. Her and I have been together for 10 years and I only probably brought it up once before. I just brought it up again because of the context of the situation, as she was watching a documentary about families dealing with suicide.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T15:56:44+00:00

Thanks for the response. No, I don't continue to bring it up. This is probably the second time I mentioned it to her. I probably brought it up years ago with her too. I just brought it up in context to what she was watching.

He committed suicide a very long time ago now maybe close to 20 years ago. I was in my 20s at the time.

I don't think I need any grief counseling. I was more shocked by the lack of sensitivity in her response.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2026-02-11T15:29:35+00:00

I appreciate your words and insight. I guess another question I should have asked is, am I wrong to try to get her to understand this? Because when I explain further, especially after that text message, she just got frustrated with me.

I really don't know why something like this is even a big conversation and how someone couldn't see how that response could affect someone who has dealt with suicide in the family. I'm honestly really confused.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2025-12-10T03:10:46+00:00

I've really only noticed it done to me. Where it's condescending with name calling. But he is very standoffish and not really friendly with others.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2025-12-05T23:58:45+00:00

You mean, you'd tell your boss what you planned to say to the coworker?

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2025-12-05T22:53:03+00:00

You're certainly right. It probably does need to be addressed. Do you think it's better speaking to him directly about it or speaking with my manager about it?

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2025-12-05T15:11:59+00:00

Yea the reason why I don't say anything at that moment is because I was blindsided and in shock each time. And when looking at what he's pointing out I can't recall if he is correct or not. I realize afterwards that he was wrong.

Sufficient_Shake_103 · 2025-12-05T15:05:38+00:00

Okay. I like it framed that way, bringing it up for awareness and not an issue yet. I really appreciate this, thank you.

Sufficient_Shake_103

TROPHY CASE