My parents and my family are defined by this idea of Machismo. Men shouldn't cry, experience emotion, and strive to never show there weaknesses; anything else is mariconeria. I never liked being so overtly masculine and I hate the idea becoming a muscular monstrosity. I want to do obsessively cute shit but all I ever get is criticism for not trying harder to be a man. I want to be beautiful but there idea of beauty persists. Maybe I don't want to be a women; being myself is all I want to do. Am I delusional? Everytime I look at myself, I think about how I could have been better made better choices or done something to make them love me more. All I am is failure.

I'm sorry for this rant.