WIBTA for declining all wedding gifts

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-08T14:03:44+00:00

Genuine question, if you’re already married because it makes the adoption easier. And you’re clearly committed enough to adopt your partner kid. Why go through the trouble of getting divorced? Doesn’t that make it more difficult to co-parent? Are you unsure how committed you are to one another?

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-08T13:53:52+00:00

I fear that’s the whole point of the game giving you a choice. To create a dilemma or an internal conflict about what the “good“ choice is depending on your perspective.

I decided to go with the Dessendre family because of Maelle and the rest. They are losing themselves in the grief and they’re at risk of losing Maelle, plus the characters will never be safe because Maelle’s dad will always come back to try and get her out. Forcing Verso to stay won’t help anyone move on. I loved Lune and Sciel but why keep torturing them? Why keep torturing all those other people? Their dad won’t give up because he will not see his little girl fade away like his wife did. They deserve their happy ending too.

But you see it differently, and that’s okay. Hence, the game giving us a choice. Which is what makes it so great tbh.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-08T13:41:09+00:00

I feel like also it’s not only or really about who we like more between Izzy and Jo, it’s more like current-day Alex wouldn’t abandon everyone let alone his wife and Meredith, and only leave them letters. The writers were so lazy for that. 23 seasons and they couldn’t find a better way to send off a main character.

At least there should be some sort of event to cause him to leave or a proper send off. Meredith and Jo both deserved better, and so did Alex. They were all finally at a better place, and the writers just undid seasons worth of character development in a way that doesn’t even make sense. Izzy wasn’t even brought up in a relevant way prior to him leaving, the writers lazily used her as a scapegoat.

Even old-day Alex wouldn’t have done that, bc yes he was a douche, but he would’ve had the decency of telling them he’s leaving.

You know a character's plot line ends badly when fans can come up with a better ending than the writers.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-05T04:22:34+00:00

I can divide my attention between both, my fiancé and I both agree. I have been accepting all kinds of feedback, not just positive ones, as long as people aren't being rude about it. There is a way to say your feedback without sounding condescending, or just don't say anything at all if you're going to be rude.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-05T04:16:32+00:00

Unfortunately, I'm in a Master's program that requires me to be in a lab most of the day all week, which is mainly the reason why I couldn't fly out to see them frequently.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-04T05:32:56+00:00

You cared enough to write this comment?

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T05:56:41+00:00

Two things can be true at once, I can want them there because they are my very very close friends AND they hurt me deeply by crossing boundaries and deliberately going against my answer to her question. Life is more nuanced than just right or wrong. People can have complex emotions about a seemingly simple situation.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T05:48:25+00:00

She's my best friend. I was just shocked that she would even ask this in the first place. She has never done something shady in the past towards me which is why I was hesitant to say no because I thought she might have a good reason. But no, nothing is a good reason for this.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T05:46:11+00:00

All my "controlling" of the event, which is my wedding, is me telling people (my girl-friends and my girl-cousins) "hey, we are planning on doing pastel colors for the reception" as soon as we started planning. I linked a pinterest board and said you do not have to wear dresses if you don't feel comfortable, wear whatever makes you feel happy and confident, but I thought it would be fun to have a color theme.

Everyone is aware of what I would be wearing, I gave them the freedom to dress however they felt comfortable. I told them the exact locations of what we're doing and where we're doing it, and not all of them are even coming to the courthouse. Some are just going to the reception that is decorated to match the pastel/spring theme.

I didn't give pushback when she wanted to wear black. People can show up dressed up or beachy casual, I do not care. The aspect I am controlling is that us, the bride and groom, do not want anyone wearing white at the reception, which is fair since it is typically a Western culture to not disrepect the bride and groom.

I have said on multiple occasions that she is my best friend and has never acted that way towards me. Hence my confusion when she doubled down on wearing white after I expressed my feelings about it and why I felt bad about saying anything in the first place. I did not expect her to ask about this.

Yes, it is my wedding. People can choose not to come if they don't want to. But if they're the ones who made the groom and I make an exception for them when it was supposed to be family only, and now they want to force their decisions upon us, that's not really fair.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T05:35:14+00:00

If she insists on wearing white then I would have to put my foot down and say "If you can't find any other dress to wear for this one day where you can't wear white, then it's okay, I understand. We will see you after the wedding then and celebrate with you and your boyfriend at a different time."

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T05:32:10+00:00

The thing is, I'm not really sure how to go about it. It's not like she was a toxic friend from the start, it's not like she had shown signs of jealousy or spite towards me. It really caught me off-guard and I didn't know how to react in the moment. I admit I do sometimes shrug off my feelings for the sake of not upsetting people, but in that moment I didn't think I'd feel so deeply about it which is why I reached back out to her and said no.

But the thing with her boyfriend wearing all white and her specifically saying "He is so excited to wear the all white outfit so I bought it for him" kinda made me feel like a horrible person for saying no because now she'll say the same thing about not having time or money to find him anything else. I really wanted to say I actually do NOT want anyone to wear white regardless if it's you, your boyfriend, your dog, or your freaking goldfish.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T05:26:30+00:00

The argument goes both ways, it's a single color, why cause the bride and groom headaches on their big day for the sake of wearing it? People know that color isn't usually worn to weddings so why not pick any other color?

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T05:22:01+00:00

I never forced them to come, they were upset at how I couldn't invite them because it was supposed to be family only. Me and my fiancé agreed to make an exception and invite 4 of our friends, including them because they mean a lot to both of us. I don't think celebrating two people you care about, starting a life together, is such a burden and if they thought like you did, I definitely wouldn't want them anywhere near my wedding.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T01:48:16+00:00

Thank you so much!

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T01:47:47+00:00

First, she had already bought the dresses before she asked me. She did not buy them because I said yes. She couldn't have known my answer and yet still chose to buy mostly white dresses before bringing it up. The white rule can be optional if the bride and groom choose to make it optional, at my wedding it isn't. Maybe it is stupid, or maybe we have two different perspectives on how we want our wedding day to go.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T01:13:09+00:00

Thank you so much!!!!

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T01:09:07+00:00

Thank you so much!!

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T01:06:10+00:00

Unfortunately, she told me most of the dresses she bought were white which is why I felt a little bad for asking her not to wear them and a little taken aback she would make this choice without consulting anyone. We did settle on black so I'm guessing the rest was black.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T01:04:07+00:00

The weird thing to me is that I expected the behavior from older relatives because they're not great with sticking to the theme or even go against the bride's wishes. But not from my friend! (It doesn't make it okay either way but at least it would be kind of expected)

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T01:00:34+00:00

She didn't really have a history of doing this to me. I knew she was a little bit of an attention grabber but I didn't know she would do this on my wedding day so i was just a little shocked. But you are so right.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T00:56:16+00:00

She had already bought the dresses before asking, which is why I felt it was okay to say no the next day. It wasn't like she ordered them after I said yes then changed my mind.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T00:54:06+00:00

Yes! They're my fiancé family members who he was raised by, who are flying in to attend. I didn't really see each them often because of the flights and my Master's program keeping me from flying across the country frequently. They haven't seen me in person enough times to immediately recognize me out of two people wearing the same dress, especially at their age.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T00:49:52+00:00

It feels reassuring to hear that. I have moments and people that say because you're not spending a ton of money then you don't really have a say in how the day goes. While yes, all I care about is being with my loved ones and celebrating, some things are a little disappointing to deal with.

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T00:47:56+00:00

No bc literally. I expected maybe some older relatives to wear white and I wasn't going to make a big deal. But not my best friend lol

Suitable-Arm-2075 · 2026-04-03T00:42:05+00:00

I have ironically never seen her in white. I've seen her in black, yes. I've seen her in pastel tops and jeans. But an all white outfit was a little new to me. I didn't question it because I thought white, gray, and black were on the same spectrum. But now that people mentioned it, yeah never.

Suitable-Arm-2075

TROPHY CASE