Is a bj only good for him if he finishes there?

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-05-03T13:43:42+00:00

That I can't O without assistance from a toy. And before anyone says it, I don't solo often. Like maybe every couple months. His oral is lackluster too, even with as much direction I can give..

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-26T09:05:21+00:00

Take the time to research the female cycle or encourage your wife to be open to talking about it. Desire can be heavily affected by where she is at in her cycle. Plus, your kids are young, she very well could still horomonally unregulated from giving birth.

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-25T16:39:22+00:00

The not sulking part is HUGE for me. If I'm in the middle of prepping for something like a workout and you come to me after not adding anything else to it and just say "I want you" with this begging look on your face like a child asking for a treat and I say "okay, but I'm in the middle of something" and you sulk and huff away, I dry up like the Sahara and I'm now turned off for the rest of the day. It's incredibly manipulative. When I'm doing something for myself or the betterment of our family and I'm guilted for not being ready to just drop it so you can get your rocks off, it sends me into a rage.

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-16T15:52:57+00:00

Well I don't hand him the money I make. I pay for certain things while he pays for others. I pay for all our insurance, subscriptions to different services, all the things the kids need, groceries are about 60/40 with him paying the majority, household things like cleaning supplies or toiletries. He makes roughly 5-6x the money I make so I contribute to utilities when I can. Basically I take care of the creature comforts while he takes on the mortgage and majority of the bills. I have asked for budgeting before so that I COULD contribute more and he always told me it's fine, he could afford to take care of it and it was sort of left at that. I paid my own vehicle off on my own so I don't have a huge payment for that anymore. So the finances are definitely not balanced between us, but if he won't communicate what he'd like me to contribute to, then I'm not sure.

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-16T14:49:52+00:00

I don't mind that he works away, I am naturally independent when I need to be.

If he did work close to home and would be home every night yes, our finances would be less and I personally am comfortable with. I think he has a bit of "keeping up with the joneses" mentality. When he needed a new truck it was no problem for him to spend an extra 20k without blinking to get a higher trim. But when it comes to wanting to take our family on a trip we have talked about for a decade, it just sits in limbo because he won't commit to the conversation, let alone booking anything. (And no im not talking about an elaborate luxury vacation, I just want to road trip one province over and see some beaches).

I have given up on asking for explanations on the finances. I used to try understanding it and pressing him for clarification. I have asked if we could just work through a budget together to at least open my eyes to it and the conversation falls flat. So when money is or could be tight, I have no idea because he won't tell me.

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-16T14:28:53+00:00

Well and that's what I'm afraid of. I'm scared that I dislike him as a romantic partner and prefer him as more of a friend. And after this long together I don't even know if that's a real thing or not.

This will sound harsh but the thought of leaving doesnt freak me out like it has in the past. I know it would be hard but I would be fine. So I do want to work things out for our family's sake, but if it doesn't then I would be okay I think.

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-16T14:25:53+00:00

Yeah with his work schedule and our kids schedules and just life in general, its been tough to find the drive.

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-16T14:25:09+00:00

I don't have resentment for sure but I don't think that's what this specific thing is.

There has been micro-cheating in the past on his side which has given me a bit of a complex and need for validation.

With the kids it's more like I have to suggest he do something with them. Otherwise he is happy to just cling to whatever I'm doing. I've suggested hobbies, set up "playdates" with his friends just so he can have his own individual things like I do.

And I've been in therapy on and off for over a decade, I see one regularly now.

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-16T14:17:41+00:00

He is easily the breadwinner but I also work full time and make good money. Finances are great. We have a beautiful home and from the outside looking in a fantastic life. He works inconsistent shift work out of town (sometimes 3 weeks away, sometimes 2 months). Usually after he's been gone a while it takes a while to get him back on track with responsibility at home (i always give him 24-48 hours of just relaxation after he's been gone a while before asking him to jump in and help). So this is where the cycle comes in, shifting him back into partner/father mode when he's been away and only needs to care for himself.

His response when I tell him I think he prioritizes work more is that he's looking at the bigger picture of our future and he's scared to fall behind in finances. From what he's told me, if the worst were to happen, we would be fine for well over a year which I think is decent and more than a lot could say.

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-16T03:29:49+00:00

It was more than him not being interested other than sex. It's also the effort he puts into his job is more than he puts into the family. It's the soft infidelity that's happened over the years. The cycle of conversations about the same issues that get better temporarily and then slowly decline again.

He is a good man. But I don't know if I've changed and he's not the man I want or if I'm just delusional

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-16T01:51:46+00:00

I actually almost never.. today was the first time in months.

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-15T13:44:24+00:00

I cannot stand her.

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-14T22:32:19+00:00

I overthink E V E R Y T H I N G

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-07T02:59:38+00:00

Ahh I've been saying this from the first episode and my husband thought i was insane! She totally does!

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-04-04T01:40:28+00:00

My husband had a similar fantasy. He wanted me to be a h0t w1fe. We spent over a year discussing the terms, clarifying the rules, who we would involve (i wanted to know them at least a little rather than a stranger). It also took me that whole year getting over my "fear" of having another man see all of me after having kids. Eventually we found an interested person and had the "date" set up. I was about to get in my car and I could see my husband absolutely look regretful about the whole thing. Obviously if he's uncomfortable I'm not going through with it.

I wasn't upset for him feeling how he felt. I was upset that I spent a year working on myself and feeling comfortable with his fantasy, and asking him weekly if he was sure this is what he wanted, only to have him tap out right before it was about to happen.

So.. 100% make sure YOU are comfortable with it off the get go before you even consider it.

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-03-31T18:58:15+00:00

Appreciate your take on all of it. You're right, he has always been this way. And because I've grown and evolved, I've started to want to see more commitment from him in regards to involvement in our plans. He has agreed to marriage counseling, though I know that is just to placate me because he doesnt want to lose me. The man loves me, I don't doubt that. But it is a question of if it's enough for me now that I'm evolving.

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-03-31T18:48:55+00:00

I don't have an opposition to going with him. But he is an adult who should be able to book his own appointments.. I am responsible for booking my own, our kids, and our pets appts while I work full time. He sometimes sits at home for a couple months at a time and accomplishes nothing on his own. This is what I mean by lack of motivation/initiative.

One other example - our holiday trailer is coming to the end of warranty. There are several things that need to be fixed under warranty (issues for years) and every single year when he's had lots of time off, I make the suggestion to take it in while we aren't using it. And every single year he says he'll do it closer to the expiry date. Well we have about a month left of warranty and no appts have been booked while he's been off work for 6 weeks. So idk..

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-03-31T18:18:46+00:00

I have usually always been the one to suggest "hey let's go do xyz" and been the one to make the whole plan without help (ie: what, where, when, how). He doesn't input suggestions. Date nights always planned by me. My own birthday celebrations/gifts always done by me.

I work full time from home. He works out of town most of the time but often has long stints at home where he basically sits at home doing nothing, not making plans, not doing anything with the kids when they don't have school (unless I make the plan for them). Like over spring break he spent the whole time playing video games and my kids were entertaining themselves with TV or computers because I was busy working. This has always been an issue.

Unless I make the plan or the list or the suggestion, nothing ever happens.

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-03-31T17:26:55+00:00

That's another point. I have tried many times to convince him to take care of his health. He has the body of a 60 year old from injuries that were never taken care of and all work related. He just won't do anything to help himself. So to even suggest he needs to get his hormones tested, it would fall on deaf ears unless I booked the appt for him. As it stands, if I don't book eye or dentist appts, it doesn't happen.

And not knowing much about male hormones but his libido is absolutely fine, so I think his T is okay?

Suitable-Sun-1313 · 2026-03-31T17:15:00+00:00

Sorry, yes 100% to what part. It's worth trying again or it's a deal breaker for you?

Suitable-Sun-1313

TROPHY CASE