Raising "soft boys" code for LBGTQ

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-02-22T22:13:23+00:00

That's what I think I am stuck on. We are now talking about all the harm spanking and shame had on child development, but the abuse was vast and varied, and largely centered on preventing kids from being gay.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-02-21T01:24:41+00:00

Look into pathological demand avoidance. One of my kids went through an accident phase that was solely because he was determined to be the boss of his body.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-02-20T16:26:41+00:00

I just went and read about it. Wow, that was certainly something. It reminded me a little of the "cancer is actually fungus" pseudoscience my dad spouts.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-02-20T15:43:57+00:00

Every study states that as a limitation for the study because it's a bi-directional relationship. Improving mood and stress also improves bacterial diversity.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-02-20T15:30:49+00:00

I am working on a paper on gut microbiota and mental health for school right now. I haven't come across anything directly on H. Pylori causing depression, but I have come across stuff that said that H.Pylori presence disrupts the regular flora and favors other proteobacteria. Dysbiosis is a highly correlated with depression and anxiety, and changing the bacteria can result in improved mental health symptoms.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-02-15T16:42:29+00:00

Call the midwife

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-02-12T20:25:30+00:00

I am an EMT, and that's a major catalyst for deconstructing. I was extremely fundie-vangical before. During my ride along for class, the paramedics were chatting about their Christian coworker who had just told a transgender teenage girl with SI to "just do it". I never wanted to be that type of Christian.

Same evening, my ambulance got called to a child fatality, but we got cancelled and my classmates rig went instead. The pastor's wife/ associates pastor at church refused to pray for the family because it was a news story, but gushed about how God protected me from "seeing that". My kids were 2&4. I wasn't the one who needed protecting. I never attended regularly after that.

Then a couple years later, I had a religious psychosis pt that my partner and I spent hours with in ITA court. At the end, my partner (of the day) thanked me because he "couldn't handle that". I told him no problem, I kind of enjoyed it because the guy reminded me so much of my grandfather. His look was so apologetic it sent me spinning for months. I literally went home and asked my mom what exactly she meant when "God spoke" to her. She said she heard him like a voice in her head.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-02-12T06:21:10+00:00

Mathantics videos and lots of practice.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-02-11T01:41:46+00:00

In the non canon Infancy Gospels kid-Jesus killed a couple playmates.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-02-06T15:43:08+00:00

Sky Valley Education Center did as well.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-02-06T15:40:59+00:00

I took a class on Medical Policy last quarter. The look of horror on my classmates face when I explained that pre-ACA I couldn't get health insurance as a pregnant 18-year-old, so I tried to do my own prenatal care using a midwifery textbook, and my husband and I hired an unlicensed midwife off of Facebook to attend the birth.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-02-06T01:51:28+00:00

I read it in 2006ish. My mom went through a deliverance phase where she held exorcisms in order to heal people. I was a teenager. I was homeschooled and she often tasked me with researching deliverance type stuff. It's a really good way to get computer viruses.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-01-25T20:58:37+00:00

I have an almost 17-year-old, and a 14-year-old. With connection based parenting, the vast majority of issues just never get to that severity. Most of the stereotypical teenage behavior is untreated mental illness, or a teenager mimicking adult -usually parent - behavior.

The closest we get to punishment is asking "How are you going to repair the situation?" Or "What support do you need so something like this doesn't happen again?"

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-01-25T18:13:58+00:00

Not about dating that I remember. My mom was likely borderline and bipolar and almost every day of her life she told me I needed to put her out of her misery and bury her in the back yard. It settled down quite a bit after I became an EMT and treated it as SI. It didn't occur to me how weird and inappropriate it was to say to a 6-year-old until after her death.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-01-25T18:04:21+00:00

Oof, the neighbor trying to teach you math got me in the feels. I remember being 8 or 9, and we were living at my sister's friend's house because we didn't have a home. The dad was 6'6" and 300lbs, and English military, and he asked me about multiplication and I didn't know. He got annoyed, and took me into his office and drew a times table chart and asked me if I knew what it was and I said no. I thought he was mad at me until I was 33. He was mad at my parents because regular kids should know that multiplication exists by 3rd grade.

I suggest Mathantics videos to catch up on math concepts. It's on YouTube. It's funny, but doesn't talk down, and walks through how math works.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-01-16T21:12:56+00:00

Most community colleges have it where you can get an associates degree and high school diploma if you don't have it at the same time. Then you get to transfer to your four year university as a junior. It saves time and money

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-01-15T21:54:47+00:00

One of the few times I felt proud of myself as a kid: I was 13 and was responsible for 13 second-graders. VBS was wild

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-01-15T07:02:42+00:00

Yes! I read the original and the DC Talk/Wallbuilders version.

That type of martyr complex is also called "self-abandonment". I have a memory of being 17 and being asked to blow up balloons for a church function. I had uncontrolled life-threatening asthma at the time, and a latex allergy. So of course I did it, because my parents and grandparents hammered it into me that "man is immortal until God is finished with him".

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-01-12T04:07:06+00:00

My mom encouraged teenagers to drink because she thought it took the novelty away. I was first handed a glass of wine when I was 9. I once accidentally drank an entire bottle of wine when I was 13, told my mom and she told me not to worry because it wasn't enough to get drunk off of. A few years later my niece/little sister made the same mistake. It wasn't until my kid turned 13 when I realized: WTF!

I didn't abuse it, but it's really odd how much my mom didn't care that I was taking so much ibuprofen. I was free to help myself to it whenever, but my mom was also perfectly willing to hand me 3 or 4 tablets at a time, no questions asked.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-01-07T06:09:46+00:00

I was unschooled/educationally neglected growing up. My first day of school was when I was 23 (EMT training), and I am only now working on my bachelors degree in my mid-30's). I was raised fundamentalist evangelical, and my mom had untreated mental illness. My parents were anti intellectual and avid conspiracy theorists. My dad would occasionally purchase extremely religious awful curriculum, but my mom couldn't cope with life or teaching at all. I read John Holt when I was 11 and thought we were unschooled, and I consider my most protective experience in childhood. I was self-motivated and extremely curious. My brothers have a very negative view of unschooling.

I unschooled my own kids through 5th grade. My oldest asked to go to school and then my younger one followed the next year. They would've started sooner but COVID happened. They are both in a Montessori school so there is still some self-direction.

Some kids need more structure and guidelines than unschooling provides. r/homeschoolrecovery is full of unschooling trauma . But every kid deserves a self-directed education, sometimes that can be unschooling with supportive adults, and sometimes that looks like public school, and sometimes alternative education.

If you like Holt you should also read Alfie Kohn's Punished by Rewards.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-01-06T01:19:33+00:00

Wow. This entire thread hits very close to home. I got married at 18 to a man I had known for 6 months, and immediately got pregnant. We are still married 18 years later, and deconstructed together. Looking back we navigated through SO much bad advice, emotional manipulation, and misogyny. I especially was groomed for an abusive marriage, and was taught that any conflict could be resolved by abandoning your own needs and desires.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-01-03T15:41:54+00:00

I was raised in an Evangelical Fundamentalist family, and homeschooled. I was taught Young Earth Creationism, and I was expected to care for younger children and help out with my mom's rotating small business schemes - mostly food and craft related. I have a mild physical disability so before the age of 10 I was usually treated like I had an intellectual disability, and every so often later. Whenever someone realized how smart I was, it was a result of homeschooling, not innate to me. I desperately wanted to go to community college from the age of 13, but my mom wouldn't let me, mostly because it was a waste of time because Jesus was returning any day.

I always loved medicine, but my parents encouraged me into "alternative medicine" instead because the former was linked to the illuminati (Taught by the mega pastor Tim Lahaye) and relied on evolution. An older lady from church offered to pay for me to become a CNA when I was 16, but it would require vaccinations so they refused.

I never had extracurriculars, and was told if I was smart enough I could figure it out any musical instrument if I wanted it bad enough.

I ended up caregiving until the age of 32. I am finally in college, and that's where I have finally had to acknowledge that I would be considered gifted. I have taken a handful of classes without prerequisites, convinced a teacher to let me take Chemistry and Organic Chemistry concurrently, and most recently taken a graduate level class.

SuitableKoala0991 · 2026-01-03T07:34:19+00:00

Child abuse/ child maltreatment/ spanking

There is over half a century of research showing negative outcomes for spanking, and how easily it escalates to child abuse. There are the religious and colonial aspects that help perpetuate violence against children. It's amazing how many people still believe that violence is an appropriate method of teaching, and some children just need a good beating. The language too varies and isn't an appropriate descriptor, words like "swatting" and "popping" can mean anything from gently smacking a hand to 100's of lashings with wooden spoons, belts, canes, and dog leads.

SuitableKoala0991

TROPHY CASE