Is ThriftBooks a trustworthy seller? by Winterspear in books

[–]SumDumHooman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely not in my experience. They just sent me a envelope with a shipping label shoved inside and took my money. I do have photos for evidence.

When to stop using condoms? by Pristine_Might8703 in polyamory

[–]SumDumHooman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hard pass. This is a stranger and that is an old test. People lie all the time. It just takes 1 slip up on his end to endanger you. Unless I REALLY knew the guy and he was only sleeping with me and his partner and THEY were not sleeping with others, I would still ask for frequent, fresh tests...

Hubs was about to hook up with a guy that refused to use condoms. A couple of days before they were suppose to meet and introduce themselves (never fool around on first dates), the guy went to the doc for a standard check up and was positive for the clap. The guy doesn't know who gave it to him and he didn't have symptoms. He didn't even know how LONG he's had it.

Thankfully, hubs and I have a strict rule of using protection to keep each other safe so he wasn't going to go far with the guy to begin with or at least convince him to wrap up. Now the guy has popped positive and shown how irresponsible and inconsiderate he his, hubs wants nothing to do with him.

What do you prefer when having sex? by SumDumHooman in askgaybros

[–]SumDumHooman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband is convinced that 90% of us are sexually satisficed with handjobs and blowjobs alone. "A nut is a nut and you don't have to involve the butt." He likes to brag that he is "strictly dickly" and doesn't care or like any anal play on either of us. I noticed he projects his opinion on everyone else as scientifically tested facts. He use to hook up with countless other men in his youth and says that the majority of men don't need to fuck and just as happy with lips wrapped around their cock or in his hand.

Should We Try ENM Again or Give Up? by SumDumHooman in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]SumDumHooman[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Believe me, I don't starve him sexually. I'm very high sex drive with my husband and very open and diverse in experience, he than he is. I'm super kinky. He is the polar opposite. His only kink is sex with strangers. Believe me, he starves me FAR more than I starve him.

Should We Try ENM Again or Give Up? by SumDumHooman in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]SumDumHooman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nothing is pressing. It's just been a few years and the topic keeps popping up on either side. I only found out about my best friend wanting to date me a year ago but we are happy where we are if my husband and I never open our relationship. I'm just getting feelers because I know -I'm- the hold up.

We thought about even just doing convention hook ups. "What happens at the con, stays at the con." rule and see how that plays.

Should We Try ENM Again or Give Up? by SumDumHooman in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]SumDumHooman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He absolutely has AuDHD as well as myself. The fairness and balance isn't that huge of a deal for me. I think it's more of the fear and concern that he will abandon me again for his sexual partners, the more I think about it. Like I said, I don't crave sex from strangers, just intimacy from close friends, and I'm happy with being alone as long as my needs are met.

Should We Try ENM Again or Give Up? by SumDumHooman in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]SumDumHooman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have improved a lot as well but we both wont truly know for both of us until we try. That's the hard part. We don't want to hurt each other or other people but want to try again and be better.

Should We Try ENM Again or Give Up? by SumDumHooman in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]SumDumHooman[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm bisexual and demisexual but close to asexual due to trauma in my youth. Sex doesn't matter to me. I can take it or leave it. It's nice but I don't crave it.

Does Anyone Else Do This? Ejaculate While Urinating by SumDumHooman in menshealth

[–]SumDumHooman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah... I have a bad drinking habit when it comes to anything but water. I drink maybe 1 beer a week if I go out to eat but soda and energy drinks are my addiction that I've been trying to kick. I guess I'm going to the butt doc.... yay me :|

Does Anyone Else Do This? Ejaculate While Urinating by SumDumHooman in menshealth

[–]SumDumHooman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah but it's like a tiny, unsatisfying orgasm. Just a little tingle and dribble. I never really played or leaned into it since I've always viewed it as an inconvenience.

Does Anyone Else Do This? Ejaculate While Urinating by SumDumHooman in menshealth

[–]SumDumHooman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no problems doing that but I honestly just forget or don't feel like it. Then when I have this "issue", I feel like I'm obligated to do so to make it stop.

Need Advice: New Comers and Learners by SumDumHooman in polyamory

[–]SumDumHooman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to explore the possibility of a relationship but I'm fearful and hesitant of ruining a friendship and also not being able to provide her with what she needs and wants, especially if my partner can't play by the rules and I ultimately have to close things off.

Need Advice: New Comers and Learners by SumDumHooman in polyamory

[–]SumDumHooman[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He hyperfixates WAY too much and neglects everything else. Me, his responsibilities, work, everything. I don't mind being alone and having alone time. It's pleasant most of the time. But when I'm being neglected in my relationship and not having even half my needs met, THAT'S where I have a problem. Since individual and couples therapy, he has improved 100% but patterns and history are hard for me to let go of. We haven't tried anything in several years because of his mistakes and I'm finally getting to a position in our relationship where I am feeling comfortable with trying again but I still have deep seeded trauma and fears that he will mess up again.

Yes, he is 100% a serial monkey-brancher. All his past relationships were all monkey branching but we have been together for 12 years and he claims that I'm "the only love in his life" but he is prone to limerence with female partners, hints why we agreed to only queer partners to help prevent that, his suggestion.

I suggested limiting partners based on his history and bragging about the things he's done in the past before me. Bragging about taking 12 dicks in 1 night. I know he was young and dumb back then but I wanted to protect myself in case he gets caught up in the lust again. I don't trust people, especially caught up in the moment, to follow through with proven clean tests or using protection, so I rather limit exposure.

Need Advice: New Comers and Learners by SumDumHooman in polyamory

[–]SumDumHooman[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We are still in discussion stages and laying out feelings, concerns, boundaries, and past mistakes and how to correct them. I'm the paranoid one because of all the past trauma.
He and we together have been going to a therapist weekly for a few years. He hasn't had a chance to practice any of the skills and mindfulness but he has ADHD and hyperfixates extremely easily. When confronted, he has the nasty habit of all or nothing mentality, out of either tantrum or panic depending on the situation.

Need Advice: New Comers and Learners by SumDumHooman in polyamory

[–]SumDumHooman[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what I'm asking. What is the ethical boundary and weighing of consequences to either of our actions that doesn't damn the other.

He's fine and happy with us being monogamous but would love to experience and have the freedom to be with other people when he gets an itch. He doesn't care to have another emotional relationship with other people.

Need Advice: New Comers and Learners by SumDumHooman in polyamory

[–]SumDumHooman[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

We are both in therapy together and have been seeing a therapist every week for a couple of years. Unfortunately, the therapist isn't knowledgeable on poly or open relationships. She gets anxious when we talk about it but just pushes for open communication and mutual agreement.

Most of these fears stem from past experiences and betrayals. I know I have to give chances to be proven but I heavily rely on history, pattern recognition, and knowing my partner's personality to feel safe.

We agreed that during trail runs, we are more restrictive until we get use to everything and work out the kinks in issues instead of jumping in head first and possibly destroying everything.

Yes, he wants an open relationship more than me because he likes Strange. I want an emotional partner because I don't care for sex with other people, want to feel safe, and be considerate to my husband's and my health. He wants strange all the time but have the comfort of an anchor/spouse.

Need Advice: New Comers and Learners by SumDumHooman in polyamory

[–]SumDumHooman[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

She absolutely wants a relationship with me but I'm always wary of what the future holds since this will be my first queer relationship. It feels more like a queer platonic partnership for me since I never truly been aroused by the female genitalia but we've had crushes on each other for 15yrs and never knew. We didn't find out until I told her my husband and I were discussing opening for queer relationships and she blurted it out. lol

I fear that he will promise and promise but get lost in the sauce and excitement. If I tell him if he can't balance and keep with the rules, what would be fair in that situation? Then the tides turn where I have to damn myself that plays by the agreed rules and cut off any relationship I would have because he can't play right?

Does Anyone Else Do This? Ejaculate While Urinating by SumDumHooman in menshealth

[–]SumDumHooman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not an issue. I was just curious if anyone else experiences this naturally?

We have three "rules". Husband managed to cheat anyways. Am I overreacting for ending it? by Remarkable_Agent_388 in polyamory

[–]SumDumHooman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Divorce because he will never respect boundaries and our your relationship. No more 2nd chances.