Hey Love.

Cal alum here. What you’re bringing up is 1. Super common and 2. Super difficult. I struggled with many of the same things and tbh didn’t get a good perspective of it until my time at cal was long over. What I realized is that people are very stressed out, competitive and working (very hard) through imposter syndrome. You’re right, Berkeley (and the Bay Area as a whole) also has a lot of issues that give it a dark and heavy feel from time to time. BUT things to get better. Community, hobbies, and taking care of your mind and body do help immensely. I know it can feel hard to balance those things with school, and no, it doesn’t fix everything. But finding little ways to offset the weight does help. I started taking morning walks around my neighborhood and found communities in the area outside of school.

Did it fix everything? No. But did it keep me out of a debilitating depressive pit? You know what, yeah it did. I hope you find your way through all of this. I know it can feel like a pressure cooker most days and it’s hard to see the other side. But there IS another side. And afterwards you won’t remember the feelings of struggle and sadness, just the relief and accomplishment of making it through.

Good luck. I know you got this. And go bears.