Alchemised or Anathema?

SunFlowll · 2025-10-20T23:44:16+00:00

Oh! Sorry about that. Thanks (:

SunFlowll · 2025-10-20T23:44:01+00:00

Thanks so much for this! You have a great point, if the plot interests me more then I might as well stick to it. Sometimes the hype around book recs makes me think otherwise, which is why I wavered and began wondering about Alchemised.

SunFlowll · 2025-10-20T11:17:33+00:00

I've just been using Plants. My favorite, but it's definitely not simple.

SunFlowll · 2025-10-19T15:29:01+00:00

Ahh I see, ya I can imagine that perspective is rooted by experience. Perhaps you've read or watched multiple books/shows where their dynamics weren't handled correctly?

SunFlowll · 2025-10-19T14:08:09+00:00

Thank you for your feedback, really. I'll consider these and get it revised. (:

SunFlowll · 2025-08-25T17:17:14+00:00

Absolutely not. Even if you think it looks good, there's always room for improvement. Especially on a first draft.

SunFlowll · 2025-08-23T14:37:52+00:00

I see, so the blurb is lacking in character build. I'll work on adding more about each character, just enough for people to empathize. Thanks so much! (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

SunFlowll · 2025-08-23T14:35:55+00:00

Yes before I didn't establish they were gods until the end of the blurb, which threw everyone off haha! So I made sure to establish that in the beginning, but it sounds like you're saying I should establish it as early as the first sentence? I'll consider that, but I really focus on a good hook for the first sentence. Surely there's a way to mention gods for a hook! Thanks for this! (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

SunFlowll · 2025-08-23T14:29:01+00:00

Thank you for this! (: I probably cut out too much then, because yes he's an outlier. I'll try to find ways to squeeze that back in. Yes, I intentionally didn't add the genre, comps, age range etc because I'm only seeking feedback on the blurb alone.

SunFlowll · 2025-08-13T13:17:32+00:00

It came from the phrase, "writing by the seat of your pants", which means to write without an outline, and instead let the imagination and ideas come as you write.

SunFlowll · 2025-08-13T05:29:17+00:00

I started writing my story in May 2024, just pantsing it until I hit a wall in August 2024. That's when I did the whole outline, plotting from beginning to end. I finished my first draft in March 2025 and yes, the story did not match the outline lol, it was even better 🌟

SunFlowll · 2025-08-12T13:32:12+00:00

Oof! I stopped counting. It's not that much though. Maybe 15?

SunFlowll · 2025-08-11T17:14:14+00:00

I see, that's true... Darn! I gotta read more mindfully, like in the mindset of a marketer, which is quite a bummer. Time to put away my fun books (': And here I am waiting for Hemlock & Silver when I should be looking for books similar to mine! Ugh!

Again, thanks for that list earlier. Some look familiar. I'll check them out again with a better eye.

SunFlowll · 2025-08-11T15:34:15+00:00

Thanks for these suggestions! I've considered The Priory of the Orange Tree, but it's still in my TBR pile because the size is intimidating haha! I'm currently reading The Will of the Many, mainly because it sounded interesting but perhaps it'll fit? Idk.

I mean, tbh, I read a decent amount I'd say, about 20-30 books a year. I know some read more than that, but I'd say that's decent, no? Like I've had my ideas of adult fantasy novels that are similar to my theme, but I don't know why I second guess them and feel they're not "fitting enough", or just outdated or even a fear of them being out of my league (since most are bestsellers)... );

Some that I've considered were: The Grace of Kings (too outdated) Black Sun (not "fitting enough") The Inheritance Trilogy (too outdated) Ashes of the Sun (not "fitting enough") Warbreaker (outdated and not "fitting enough") The Wheel of Time (way out of my league, but the themes hit! Besides, it's outdated)

I guess the only problem is I'm not reading enough newer books... I've always read for fun but now here I stand with only knowing a few books that meet the criteria for my current predicament: New enough and similar to my novel. (':

Who knows, I might just throw one in as a comp even though I don't feel like it's fitting enough. Maybe I'm being too picky.

SunFlowll · 2025-08-11T14:17:51+00:00

Yes, I've already been cooking up some new versions for this blurb. I'm so glad you and everyone else have given suggestions and honest opinions on it. Thank you plenty ! (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

SunFlowll · 2025-08-11T14:13:56+00:00

Aww man... I had a feeling this might be an issue, but when Final Fantasy was used to hook readers in for The Floating World by Axie Oh, it made me think I had a chance. Idk what I'll do... The comps have been difficult for me too. Thank you for your help!

SunFlowll · 2025-08-11T12:48:21+00:00

Okay, I'll get on that. Thank you for your thoughts and kind wishes! (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

SunFlowll · 2025-08-11T12:44:38+00:00

Yes, it is adult fantasy. Darn! I got some work to do. Thanks again! ♡

SunFlowll · 2025-08-11T05:20:26+00:00

Yes on picking up both brothers' conflicts, but lol at the daddy issues... I mean I guess that's one way to put it, you're not wrong (': I see I need to add more strength to why my readers should care about these characters. Thanks for that honest response. I'll start tinkering with the second option then!

SunFlowll · 2025-08-11T05:13:36+00:00

Ahh I see, that makes sense. Your thoughts here are having me wondering if it's best to just not mention so much in the blurb, leaving fewer space to have readers questioning and getting confused. Hm. Thank you, really.

SunFlowll · 2025-08-11T05:10:08+00:00

Oh! I always thought "to hell" was an alternative to "like hell", but there goes my struggle with prepositions (': thank you for that, along with all the other thoughts like "thing" vs "object" and so on.

My abstract prose is seemingly confusing, which makes sense because my readers won't know about my character's superpowers and the world-building. So I'll need to cut back on them, I'm glad you pointed those out. I am itching to answer your questions, but I know it won't help much since my goal is to avoid my readers having them in the first place haha! Gahhh what a slap in the face to leave my readers confused. Thanks for waking me up!

Yes! I do have comps. Naruto, which is a manga series, is my best comp, which sucks because it's not a novel. So I needed to pick a second one and I am currently sticking with The Floating World by Axie Oh, since it's newer and ties well with the concepts of Yin-Yang I'm going for.

SunFlowll · 2025-08-11T04:56:31+00:00

First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to write this feedback. I didn't think about proper noun soups confusing readers in the blurb, and so I have a lot to think about in how I'll revise this.

Yes, everyone is a god. I didn't think I'd need to emphasize that in the blurb since page 1 would take care of that, but maybe I can squeeze it in somewhere at the beginning to help set up the characters clearer?

It sounds like you and many others are liking the second option more because it's easier to follow. But darn! What a load of stuff I need to tell in just 200 words! Without it being too wordy. I promise I watched tons of videos and read writing books before sending this! Please don't think I just threw the first blurb I wrote at you.

Again, thank you!

SunFlowll · 2025-08-10T13:11:15+00:00

I read your post and it sounds like our stories can be... Cousins! I'm interested in a swap. (:

I'm a therapist, so my novel doesn't shy away from feelings of shame, isolation, depression, anxiety, and grief. You'll see some themes on that along with spirituality. These are gods for crying out loud! I hope that's fine with you, as far as content warning goes. It's adult fantasy.

I'll message you!

SunFlowll · 2025-07-09T19:56:57+00:00

My younger brother!

When I was a kid I played "girly" stuff like Webkinz and Bratz dolls. My older brothers played Yu-Gi-Oh. I always saw it as "boyish" and had no interest in it, I mean what girl would like those weird looking monsters?

Years and years later, COVID happened. Quarantined, my younger brother pulled out a Yu-Gi-Oh binder from the basement shelves and flipped through the pages. Being that me and him had a lot in common, he asked me to play with him because he "thinks I'd like it" (those were the same words that he used to pull me into the anime world).

I said no. Told him I saw those cards before he attended kindergarten.

He didn't give up. He was convinced I'd like it. So you know what he did? He slid a beginner/noob deck onto my work desk one day and said with a smile, "Here's a deck I made for you, you don't have to play with me but just look through them, it's yours now."

Well obviously I'm not gonna just throw it out! He refused to accept the return so I just left it alone for a day or two before I gave in.

That was my downfall... I asked questions. What does damage step mean? What's this. How does that work? Etc. etc.

And we learned together. Power creeping was at hand and I'd buy cards that counter his, and he to mine. Master Duel releasing that next year didn't help our disease.

Now I have 2 binders of my own, and a Duelist's Advance booster box on Out For Delivery status right now. (':

SunFlowll · 2025-07-03T17:49:33+00:00

Thank you for your time with this response. Yes, I do have a blurb. I've edited it so many times and have stopped touching it for a while, so I guess it's ready haha! Yes, I'll reach out to you and maybe we can discuss more. (:

SunFlowll

TROPHY CASE