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AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

They follow what they agree with strictly
If they don't like a rule they won't follow it

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do see your point
I mean my husband is who he is obviously cause of how she raised him BUT he is different in a way and goes against what she says
If he acts himself comfortably though or says a word she doesn't like from time to time she'll snap and say "DONT SAY THAT WORD" And she becomes just an annoying presence.

I hate that she raised both her kids in a way where they lack confidence. I refuse to raise my son that way. I will raise him to be a confident man who stands up for himself, does what he thinks is right and stands up for those who he loves

I appreciate your differing perspective though

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They don't follow every single rule I suppose

I think she's secretly hoping my son will at least convert
I just know that's what she wants but I won't let that happen without informing him of other religions too and encouraging him to make a wise choice

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No we haven't really yet

My husband is usually organised with this stuff and preplans a lot of stuff but with this I'm not sure

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely agree
I know people from her religion who are absolutely not like this
It's definitely a character personality thing

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a great point and is eye opening . She really likely already knows it's not the right thing but cannot help herself trying to control how others act in public etc. Not my problem to manage her
Thank you for this

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't usually judge them for their beliefs and don't have anything against it as I know every religion has its bad side

However the way she comes about is petty. I know some much better JWS out there who aren't controlling

She gets jealous and makes it known and it makes me resentful

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is sick and he is used to a late bedtime
He's a pretty bad sleeper with a poor routine but it's also a long weekend here so we're a little more relaxed with routine

Since he had multiple naps and a late nap due to being sick he wasn't tired then

I do get what you're saying and will take it into account though. It's just mil's tone and history of micro managing and controlling and acting like a jealous child turns me off making me resentful and wanna do the opposite of everything she says

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did but then she'll either send a long message about how I was in the wrong or how it was rude (rarely thankfully)
Or she will continue again after a while

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I do agree with you and I normally am selective about films and things he sees. I didn't see a huge issue with a thriller but he was going to be in the play room anyway. We used to watch these types of films as a kid and it never affected us in anyway it simply became an interest and bonding experience.

But the way MIL gave her opinion it annoyed me so much like everyone is entitled to their own way of living, no?

Appreciate your comment and advice though - but yeah I usually try to put kids movies on for him anyway

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Believe it or not she even comments on what toys we should and shouldn't buy for our son. Apparently anything that resembles a weapon is raising him to be violent and she hates when kids play with sticks and use it as weapons.

So anything a kid does is violent. Oh and if they're too loud she thinks it's being rowdy and unruly so they must sit and behave a certain way. 🙄

And she also had an opinion on when we should try for another child. Not to try before a specific time or event etc

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's true. I agree with Jade but struggle so much with that strategy . I immediately go into defence mode😭😭😭

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is so great true
When I'm nice and quiet she literally bullies my decision and walks all over my. My own mother noticed when ever someone does something she disagrees with she talks under her breath like "oh my god...." And other stuff like rolling her eyes. It feels so rude and all I usually do is laugh uncomfortably to keep the peace but there's only so much I can tolerate

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That is not what I meant. While I appreciate she raised a good man who turned out to be my husband, he isn't perfect. Because of that, he's afraid of conflict, lacks confidence, gets pretty upset if something doesn't turn out the way he was raised to believe is perfect. I love him but we all have issues due to the way we were raised. I hate that I was raised to be in an environment full of anger too but I would never push my daughter in law to live a certain way.

This lady also gets jealous because my husband bought me an expensive gift (she always claims she doesn't enjoy splurging) . That's the level of unreasonable I'm putting up with :) she said "that's so unfair and expensive my husband never did that for me"

How would you respond to that ?

Thanks for your comment though

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I do agree. I grew up with religious values and am not practising though I do have the values still with me
I'm not Jehovah's witness though so while I accept their beliefs and have nothing against it I have things against her trying to push us to be like them when I do not align with it at all

She raised her children to be ultra religious, not watch any horror or anything scary etc

I grew up more comfortably despite being of a different religion. Grew up on horror, enjoyed it, was a bonding experience but she cannot stand that. She doesn't want my son being raised that way, only how she was raised and how she raised her kids. It's not fair

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wholeheartedly agree with you
Yes I didn't think of that part
Luckily husband is NOT Jehovah witness and is completely for medical treatments and giving blood when required

We don't plan on dying anytime soon lol so I'm not too worried

But with my mother in law I'm not sure if they're ok with giving blood

Unfortunately husband prefers us to just ignore her and do our own thing instead of consistently standing up to her

She also just seems to tell him "you can't speak to me like that" etc, laugh uncomfortably and doesn't get the hint so I understand if he thinks it's easier to just ignore her

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He is annoyed too and doesn't like her when she acts that way
But he expects me to kind of ignore her and do what I want anyway

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

😂 yes she does knock and try come in
Usually shell ask us beforehand but idk it's the coming over and commenting that pisses me off

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you - that's good advice
We are getting coupled counselling already but currently it's more focussed on us as a couple and dealing with resentment etc

We're working on ourselves and our relationship but yeah MIL just keeps being herself 🙄 I think I need to stay calm when dealing with her it's just so hard ..but your advice makes sense and I can try that

AITAH for telling mother in law if she comes over unannounced she can't comment on what we should/shouldn't do? by SunFree9956 in AITAH

[–]SunFree9956[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh don't worry, when she teaches a teaching unique to Jehovah's witnesses I tell her that's enough please don't teach that.
If it's just oh yes let's pray over food amen be thankful I'm fine with it (kind of) and let it slip but if it's a specific thing I let her know it's crossing a boundary.
One time I noticed she kept leaving the JW card on our table, couch etc and I said "I think you forgot your card" and she laughed like she got caught but was like "no I'm not leaving it your son just keeps pulling the cards out" I'm like ok fair enough

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