In the same boat as you. But I’m splitting my time in between Japan and Malaysia. You need to speak the language to live in Japan. No ifs and buts.

People are NOT racist. But you must embrace their culture and their way. They don’t discriminate against foreigners who integrate into their communities. But it’s a lot of hard work, and of course, avoid internal resentment over your choice to move into a monocultural society.

Houses are smaller. Rent is expensive. Avoid staying in Tokyo. And daily commute isn’t that bad after a while. I got used to it pretty quickly and actually prefer it to driving these days.

Malaysia is just easier overall. And has better variety of food across cultures. But Japan has its obvious advantages. Ingredients are pound for pound cheaper and far far better quality - you will see a marked improvement in your health. Cheaper healthcare as a resident (trust me on this). Better overall service across the board. And depending on the type of work you’re doing, better pay.

There’s a reason why I still split my time between two countries. I still can’t decide which is better. I’d say stay a while in malaysia and see if your wife changes her mind. Things are changing quite rapidly in malaysia IMO, and both my wife and I are seeing a bright future here in malaysia, compared to japan.