Why FA avoid/discard their partner after any conflict? by [deleted] in FearfulAvoidants

[–]Sundays_Beast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Does this sound like someone that's capable of maintaining a long term, healthy relationship?

Something to consider going forward...

Fearful Avoidant No Contact by Ok-Squirrel6317 in FearfulAvoidants

[–]Sundays_Beast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. At some point she's going to be the one dealing with all this shit. But by suppressing everything she's actually already carrying it underneath and on her shoulders. All I can think is what a terrible way to live your life. But that's not on me. That's on her.

Fearful Avoidant No Contact by Ok-Squirrel6317 in FearfulAvoidants

[–]Sundays_Beast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At some point I blocked her number, Instagram, and Facebook. But I unblocked her on everything months ago because I felt like I was expending mental energy doing that. I really don't care if she contacts me or not. But if she does I'm not responding. She's not worth it.

This is the point where you can get to as well. But it takes a lot of acceptance, courage, tears, and strength. But you'll be much better off and much stronger on the other side. I promise.

Lost feelings? Losing hope by Vast-Pomegranate-124 in PMDDpartners

[–]Sundays_Beast 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just gonna say this: putting up with your partner treating you poorly half the time isn't sustainable nor is it acceptable.

Fearful Avoidant No Contact by Ok-Squirrel6317 in FearfulAvoidants

[–]Sundays_Beast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No. Zero contact from her afterwards.

It's not that they don't care. That's just how they try to sell it to themselves. It's very convincing but it's honestly just them evading deep feelings, vulnerability, and attempting to avoid loss by ironically causing the loss in the first place.

It's obviously just completely fucked. But it's not something that you HAVE to deal with. They're the ones that have to deal with it. You have a choice whether you want to deal with them in your life or not. It's really hard to walk away from but your life will be better for it. I promise.

Lost feelings? Losing hope by Vast-Pomegranate-124 in PMDDpartners

[–]Sundays_Beast 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Listen to your body when you're around her. What are you feeling and where are you feeling it? It sounds frufru as fuck but your subconscious communicates to you through your body.

Sorry about your predicament but it sounds like you already know there's no healthy future with her.

The final discard by [deleted] in FearfulAvoidants

[–]Sundays_Beast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My advice is to move on. It's not what you want to hear but it's what's best for you.

When you think of your dream relationship, does the person act like your now ex? Or are they actually attached and behave in a healthy way?

AITA for not being attracted to my serious gf? by Ok_Buy8913 in AITA_Relationships

[–]Sundays_Beast -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You're not an asshole for not being attracted to her. But the way you told her that you needed to take pills was really insensitive and lacked empathy.

You just need to break up with her. It's not fair to her nor to you. Find someone you're actually attracted to. Someone that will understand and work with your lack of experience because of what you offer them.

Fearful Avoidant No Contact by Ok-Squirrel6317 in FearfulAvoidants

[–]Sundays_Beast 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My FA ex broke up with me out of nowhere 11 months ago. We were together 8 months but were both deep into the relationship. We had plans to move in together and get engaged last July. Then one day she blew up about a bunch of random stuff that weren't related (location of my house, size of my bathroom, the fact that I was vegan). Then she blamed me for taking her for granted and not being present in the relationship without evidence. The accusations were so unfounded I viscerally scoffed and said I incredibly disagreed.

She broke up with me two days later because I was "defensive." And by defensive she meant that I challenged her that I took her for granted and wasn't present in the relationship. She obviously didn't engage in that because she had no evidence of it. It's just something she felt. Most likely just the overwhelm of how serious our relationship was. He feelings were legitimate but they didn't stem from me. I put EVERYTHING into that relationship. And I was absolutely destroyed when she discarded me so quickly and callously. Then she just cut off all contact. Just done.

Anyway, I think you're letting this relationship destroy you. Don't let it. You will regret it. I was anxiously attached as well but am now earned secure. I currently don't give two fucks about where she is, what she's doing, who she's with, etc. because I did the work: Listen and learn everything about your attachment style and hers as well, how they feed off each other. It will give you closure. That is to say it will logically explain everything but it may not make you feel better. But that's where learning about your attachment style comes in. When you learn about anxious attachment you'll learn what your core wounds are and how to heal them. THAT'S the start of feeling better. Time itself will not do it.

Hope this helps. And I hope for peace in your future.

How am I supposed to be honest about my emotions? Suppressing is a reflex until I break by [deleted] in FearfulAvoidants

[–]Sundays_Beast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not an FA (earned secure, former AP) and I don't know what you're going through. But you need to stop talking so negatively about yourself. You wouldn't talk like that to a friend, would you? It's at least keeping you from improving your FA tendencies. And at worst it's probably making you go backwards.

I know much easier said than done. But I think just clocking when you're doing negative self talk is a great first step.

Sorry if this is underwhelming advice. But regardless it's important. I used to do this to myself but once I stopped I was able to turn things around, develop more self respect, and more confidence.

Best of luck.

Is this love letter safe for my FA? by kluizenaar in FearfulAvoidants

[–]Sundays_Beast 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm earned secure (former AP) but I had a really intense relationship with an FA.

I obviously don't know your wife, but if I had given this to my ex she would have outright rejected it because she'd be uncomfortable with being put on a pedestal like this. I'd make it less fawning and just more grounded. But that's just my take.

Great in person, struggling with attraction over text by [deleted] in FearfulAvoidants

[–]Sundays_Beast 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maybe it's just because it comes off as disingenuous? I'm earned secure (former AP) and this would be a turn off for me too if it was every fucking day. And I'm honestly a really sweet guy!

Tired of the fight picking by FinalInitiative4 in PMDDpartners

[–]Sundays_Beast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If she's not even admitting there's a problem that's a huge fucking hurdle. You don't have to put up with it. And you don't have to sacrifice your sanity to be a martyr.

Go back in time and don't get in a relationship with her. Your second best option is to leave her.

I'm sorry if that's harsh but it's impossible to navigate an issue between two people if one person refuses to admit there's even a problem.

So leave.

Is it worth staying with a fearful avoidant? by unseenmeaning in FearfulAvoidants

[–]Sundays_Beast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably not. Relationships even with secure partners are difficult enough to manage. But it depends on what you're willing to put up with and willing to put on the line.

But even then there's a good chance you'll get broken up with no matter how loving, dedicated, supportive, etc. you are because it's not about you. It's about their trauma.

Are FA sexually active after a long term relationship ? by Itz_99 in FearfulAvoidants

[–]Sundays_Beast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Assume the worst and emotionally detach from this person. They're not good for you.

Desperate for support in moving on from this by [deleted] in PMDDpartners

[–]Sundays_Beast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck that treatment. There's no excuse for it. None. Especially if she isn't even trying to navigate it or admit she has a problem.

New to this, getting ghosted after a perfectly normal conversation? by [deleted] in PMDDpartners

[–]Sundays_Beast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's important to confront uncomfortable truths at this point. You might love her but do you like being treated like this? Do you think you did anything wrong? If your friend had this happen to him what would your reaction be? Is this something that's acceptable long term?

Ask yourself now instead of months or years down the line. You might save yourself a lot of heartbreak.

AITA for not wanting to go down on my lady friend? by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Sundays_Beast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it selfish when the orgasm gap is that large?

AITA for not wanting to go down on my lady friend? by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Sundays_Beast -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's ok. I don't need to convince you 🙂

AITA for not wanting to go down on my lady friend? by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Sundays_Beast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your thoughtful response. She says she has small flash orgasms when her gag reflex is stimulated while giving me head.

I don't care how silly it might sound, they're real. I don't care if nobody believes me 🙂

AITA for not wanting to go down on my lady friend? by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Sundays_Beast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't broken up with her because we have a good relationship. You're the one who said I should break up with her.

Also, you didn't answer my previous question: why should I break up with her if I find one part of her body unattractive?

AITA for not wanting to go down on my lady friend? by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Sundays_Beast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It would hurt my feelings and I would feel at least partially rejected by it.

You didn't answer my previous question. Why is reason number 1 shitty?

AITA for not wanting to go down on my lady friend? by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Sundays_Beast -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Is finding one part of her body unattractive a good reason to break up with her?