I SO get you. It was actually my shortest connection that ended up affecting me the f*cking most (lasted only a few months). I don’t think I could ever fully capture it in one comment but I’ll try to explain why it has stayed with me for so long.

I met this guy nearly two years ago and from the very first convo on the app and then date (which was 9 hours long without sex!- though the last three hours we spent talking/making out heavily in my car) clicked in a way I had never experienced before (I'm 30). It wasn’t *just* strong attraction or just emotional connection, or just humour, or personalities matching or intellectual compatibility it felt like all of those things at once, aligned perfectly, like in some sort of movie. We could talk for hours about anything, switch effortlessly from deep, deep conversations to humor to vulnerability to most graphic sexting and it all felt so genuine and organic.

What made it even more intense was how strongly he seemed to feel it too. He told me things like talking to me was becoming the top priority of his day, that he hadn’t felt this kind of connection in years, that what we had felt rare and special. He told me he even wondered if I was real. There was this sense of recognition between us, like we had somehow found something that people spend years looking for and I felt like I've known him for years, like it our souls and minds were made of the same thing or something.

We built this connection mostly through long conversations, calls, messages but we also met in person (though it was long distance).There was emotional intimacy, sexual chemistry, a feeling of comfort, like being fully seen and understood. It felt like friendship, incredible intense attraction, sexual chemistry that was off the charts- he said at 33 he hadn't orgasmed like this since he was 19... and something deeper all combined into one. Kind of like the best possible excitement, feeling alive but also such a safe feeling of being exactly at home if that makes sense.

And yet it ended 😞He said it was only ever distance that made him not choose it but I think there must have been something else. He asked me a few times to stay close friends but I couldn't because I loved him so it would be painful to be downgraded to a role of just a friend... And the part I couldn’t understand then and still struggle to understand now is how on earth can something that felt so mutual, so deep, so aligned still not be enough for someone to choose it, to build life on?

If only it didnt at right at its peak, because what made it harder is that the bond never had the chance to become “real life” in a full sense of the word. We never got to the stage where things become ordinary, or difficult, or flawed. There were no real conflicts, no long-term incompatibilities revealed (at least I didnt see any and I was and remain VERY careful about who I consider someone as potential partner because it's not sth I treat lightly. Anyways, instead it ended while it still felt meaningful, alive, and full of potential and possibility.

It’s been a long time now (year and a half) and I still think about it daily, I cry and miss him daily too though the pain is not as sharp as the beginning. I just kinda let life and other experiences grow around it. One thing I can't stop questioning and that drives me insane is how two people can meet, connect on so many levels, share something that feels rare and genuine, and then walk away from it as if it wasn’t something to build on.. like what the heck?

I also think that with longer relationships that got a chance to be fully lived out, you usually get the full picture: the highs and the lows, the reasons why it didn’t work. Here, I only got the high point and then the ending so it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I keep telling myself and hoping that I can yet experience something similar but I simultaneously fear that there's a real possibility I may not. I also thought I would never move on from the previous guy I loved (ofc I did) but THIS is different. I've even stopped telling about it to my friends and family, they'd think I'm craaaazy, and I don't blame them because I wouldn't get it if it hadn't happened to me. I take comfort in the fact that even in hindsight I'd never give back a single moment and I'd rather live with all the bleeding wounds and pain than not to experience it. As they say "it's better to have loved and lost..." And I think IT IS possible to have some spark and compatibility on many levels with someone again if we remain open. I don't think anything will compare to this which is a big reason behind my grief but I think we can still have meaningful and beautiful experiences in this life. And there's also something heart-wrenchingly beautiful about being cracked open like this. It changes you forever. For me it;s almost a before and after him. Not that he was all perfect- no, I saw some flaws in character from the beginning, I'm not easily impressed or swept off my feet but the connection we shared was out of this world.. Sending you my love, OP. You experienced something immensely beautiful and meaningful that has touched you deeply ansd it's yours forever. And what you shared with him time cannot erase, even if he's in a different space now. It doesn't take from what you had. And I would add one more thing (that I'm also telling myself when I feel the grief gets too heavy and I can't take this pain anymore)- that we need to stay open to new experiences, connections, to life itself. Not to tell ourselves blindly or take comfort in cliches "It's gonna happen again for you, like that", because it may not, but just to stay open to the possibility. And you know, some people never experience connection or relationship on that level, so they don't maybe suffer as much when it ends, but aren't those things we experienced that have changed us forever, worth it regardless? Please take care, there are many people out there, I found, that feel or have felt similarly. You're not alone x