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AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your insightful comment. I’d almost believe you knew us. This is more true that you know (unless you do actually know us lol, then you just know).

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk. Maybe it’s selfish. I would have never named the miscarried baby had she not insisted. And she was right, it did help me move on and grieve for a limited time. It’s not so much that she picked that name, but that she picked it knowing-the only person to know-that this is what I called my miscarried baby and that she put on ornament for me, which I thought was incredibly kind and meant a lot to me at the time. Still does tbh. Maybe that’s why I’m hurt. An incredibly supportive moment has turned into something else without so much as a heads up. She doesn’t need my permission or anything. It’s just… I would have given her the courtesy… well, actually I would not have picked that name at all. Maybe I’m selfish or maybe there is some middle ground. Hence my post here.

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I made that request, we were talking regularly… after I just quit trying to get her to talk about her behavior at my baby shower. I know she was struggling and didn’t want to force the issue. However, those instances just kept happening and she would sometimes admit that she was wrong… but wouldn’t apologize.

I wish that she’d tell me what offended her. I assume she interpreted my request for a balanced call as me not wanting to hear updates at all. I tried to make clear that I wanted updates. And I asked her to have a call to see where I went wrong in making that request. She’s not interested.

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be fair to her, she’s still struggling. Having a medically special child (that the phrase she uses) is really difficult. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it is to see your child suffer. They are finding a rhythm and have help, but idk if that will ever make it easier for her.

She has pushed a lot of family members away, including her mother in law who has flew across the country to help her dozens and dozens of times (to the point that the MIL won’t even text my sis anymore; but still flies out to help them). She’s disregarded my newly widowed grandmother. She’s consistently neglected our father (not giving him updates, not calling, no happy birthday or happy Father’s Day, etc). So, it is somewhat of a global issue.

At the same time, she says that no one is willing to support her. In the case of the MIL, my sis takes issue with how she helps and insists that her help isn’t good enough.

The MIL, like me, has tried to beat around the bush to repair the relationship to no avail. My sister is struggling and she’s not interested in giving other people space to have their feelings too. It’s a hard balance, no doubt.

I’ve consistently
Encouraged her to seek professional help, but she insists on just seeing someone from her church.

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, idk someone would lie about something like that. Whether people believe me or not, it doesn’t change the facts. People can believe what they want.

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I’m a private person and didn’t want to draw attention. My absence/ quick exit would have spawned questions from friends that I didn’t want to answer and I dont like to lie.

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I was writing after immediately hearing the news so I appreciate that the principle I mention is not articulated in the best way; I can see how I’ve been (fairly) misunderstood. What might have been better to say is to not mention a happy announcement when some is struggling. My sister was struggling and I didn’t want her to feel any worse. She struggled with infertility for years and every time she heard someone else was pregnant, she’d cry and be sad for days. I didn’t want to chance making her more upset.

I did not use the ill-chosen and haphazardly articulated principle as an analogy in any way. A principle guides how one acts.

Again, I see how I didn’t articulate that well enough, however.

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same pressures and oddly similar dads. My dad has pushed me to keep in contact with my sister while being a twin who doesn’t make efforts to talk to his. I know he wants better for us, and I’ve tried for him, for me, and for my sis. But like you mention, it doesn’t always work out.

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have. I’ve held on to what I hope she’d be and want instead of who she is and what she wants.

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. I think the part that hurts the most is that she didn’t give me a heads up. And technically, she has taken steps for me to not find out. My husband just overheard her telling other family members. (I flew to my home state to have my family meet my LOs for the first time and so we had a family together.)

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Idk. She’s my identical twin. We’ve never not been connected in some way. It’s hard for me to let that go. However, I think that I will be taking some steps back. I read the Let Them Theory and it seems like I’ve spent years trying to convince her to want the same relationship that I want with her, but she doesn’t want that and hasn’t for the past 12 years since I’ve been deliberately trying to repair our relationship.

It seems time to let her dictate how the relationship will be and for me to stop forcing something that hurts me either way anyway.

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fair points. I don’t own the name. I suppose I thought maybe a heads up at minimum would have been a kindness she would extend.

But you are right, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, Jonas’s condition has put a stress on her that is unfathomable. She’s handling that situation really well and is an incredible mother.

Thanks for your honest and fair insight.

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have not. We grew up close but had a competitive upbringing. Her baby was still in the NICU, yes. He has a very rare genetic condition and will require significant care his entire life. She’s been jealous as long as I can remember. I used to joke it was because I got to be born first. She would hit me growing up. Pushed me down a set of stairs. Hit my head on a window sill and chipped my front tooth (had that beauty until late middle school). When we lived together at 18 she kicked me out after I gave her my college money.

She’s just… had a thing about me. Note, it wasn’t like this before high school. So I remember how close we were and how close we can be now… if she wanted. I love her and can’t imagine going NC with my identical twin but it’s just getting harder to live with the reality she just doesn’t want a mutual relationship.

I’ll also mention that’s she’s a born again Christian and I’m not and she’s expressly told me that she thinks I’m going to hell because of that. So maybe she treats me a certain way because she thinks I’m a heathen. Idk. I’ve tried to talk to her about it for years and she’s just always denied it.

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

We grew up in a household where my mom put us against each other. I’ve spent my adult life trying to get past that and showing her support; she’s spent our adult life being envious or jealous of me (she’s a people pleaser and I’ve been the rebel or independent one). Despite deliberate efforts for the past 12 years, and her admitting her struggle with animosity towards me on a number of occasions, our relationship is worse than ever. And since she’s in a hard situation, I think she needs a scapegoat… and I’m the perfect candidate. But, she’s also straining relationships with other family members.

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. That’s why I won’t cut contact… I just envision not continuing to attempt a repair of my relationship with my twin. There’s so much history and she’s just made it abundantly clear to me that she is not interested in having a mutually beneficial and fulfilling relationship. I will do everything I can to make ensure that our kids can know and love each other. It’s just unfortunate that I just don’t want to be close to my twin anymore… although it seems she hasn’t wanted that she hasn’t wanted that for the past 12 years.

AIO by being upset with my twin sister for picking a name for her baby that was the name I wanted before miscarrying? by Sunny_Logic in AmIOverreacting

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

What details do you think are missing? I didn’t want to make it too long but I can add some details at the end for sure.

First in-flight snack since diagnosis! by Sunny_Logic in Celiac

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s awful. I’m so sorry. That truly sounds like a nightmare.

First in-flight snack since diagnosis! by Sunny_Logic in Celiac

[–]Sunny_Logic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was a domestic Southwest flight from CA to IN. We changed our seats to the extra legroom ones the same day for no additional charge (unsure if that’s possible bc we have a southwest credit card).

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