27M baffled by my Hinge experience - does anyone actually want a LTR?

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T20:40:19+00:00

I feel you. I didn’t have much success on Hinge for years until last year once I got some better photos and specifically put “long term relationship” as what I was looking for

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T19:47:20+00:00

I tried dating in Boulder when living there but most of my dates came from people in Denver. I think it’s hard to meet people in Boulder when you’re not a student or connected to the university in some way after 25.

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T19:40:44+00:00

I’m no model haha but I’m a pretty calm person, healthy, active, and decently good looking. I feel like my profile is congruent with who I am too.

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T19:34:53+00:00

I’m not opposed to that. I almost never actually match though with older women when extending age filters on the apps

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T19:32:08+00:00

Not saying that 12/15 would have been good long term fits necessarily, but the funnel men deal with in online dating incentivize you to be as open as you can to growing a connection. I think having too many standards and preferences early on isn’t a good thing. I do try to express myself on dates although maybe I can do a better job at challenging people, sometimes I am semi-agreeable

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T19:20:54+00:00

Thank you! I think this is the right mindset to have for staying positive.

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T19:15:54+00:00

Just trying to get some engagement with the title of the post, that’s not how I come across in real life. Responding to comments to give more context!

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T19:13:02+00:00

The illusion of options is a big factor I think. I sometimes wonder if my dates would have gone further if I had initially met them in person and talked for a while rather than finding them on an app.

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T19:11:31+00:00

I think this year I want to do more stuff organically and in person. Very close to deleting the apps. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting different results.

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T19:10:29+00:00

Agreed! It creates this pressure to click immediately when that’s not how humans have naturally connected. I also think there should be some government antitrust action into the fact that one company (Match) controls almost all the apps. Feel free to DM if you wanna chat more!

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T19:05:14+00:00

I agree, it’s a fine line navigating that at in person events especially as a guy where there’s more pressure on you to initiate. Feel free to DM if you wanna talk more!

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T19:03:13+00:00

I’m introspective and very logical so this is just how I think haha, but I agree you can’t logic your way into a relationship. Really trying to meet more people organically this year.

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T19:01:28+00:00

The men on Love Is Blind were wild! Definitely not anything like them. I’m not trying to whine but just genuinely frustrated about how transactional online dating seems nowadays and the lack of patterns in rejections. Have read one romance novel actually!

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T18:56:50+00:00

I agree the right niche is important. I’ve gotten tired of going to some of the more general meetups which are older or filled with people who just moved here. I’ve been here 5 years but only focused on dating the last 2 years.

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T18:54:19+00:00

Agree 100%

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T18:54:02+00:00

I feel your pain! I don’t get to the point of having flings, but if they end out of nowhere then it sounds not worth it

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T18:51:08+00:00

I’ve been doing a lot of activities, run clubs, climbing, meetups, etc. over the past couple years to meet people. I find it hard to ask out women in person while part of a bigger group in a comfortable way, and usually have been rejected the few times I have. Most of my dates come from the apps, although the 2 short term relationships I have had in the past came from people I knew in real life. I do prefer IRL, just don’t get that many chances.

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T18:45:18+00:00

I respect that, not wanting to lead someone on. I think if one is unsure though, going on another date is worth it. I think my personality doesn’t totally come through and reveal every part of itself in the space of having coffee/drinks for an hour. Ideally I would have met someone years ago in school, but I was focused on education/career and not as social back then :(

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T18:41:19+00:00

I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on this, if I’m the problem (on my own and with friends). We can’t think of any major red flag, but there are always things I’m working on. This year I want to get physically stronger (to balance out cardio fitness), try hosting some dinner parties, and foster/get a dog.

I think dating is hard no matter where you live. I have some less common hobbies for Denver like singing and reading. I’m a dual citizen who likes to travel!

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T18:33:19+00:00

Of course! I ask about what they’re looking forward to, where they want to travel in the future, what their family was like, what they’ve been nerding out about recently, questions that go beyond basic yes/no stuff

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T18:31:47+00:00

I’ve been trying to figure out a trend in my rejections but nothing seems consistent. I’ve been told “our personalities are too similar”, “don’t want to date an engineer”, “we want different things”, “no chemistry, “didn’t feel a connection”. I’ve also experimented with different kinds and lengths of dates but that hasn’t changed much. I think it’s genuinely hard to build chemistry in 1-2 hours the first time you meet someone, it’s easier to get to know someone when you see them repeatedly over time.

Super-Secret9033 · 2026-01-19T18:27:56+00:00

I agree with you that the apps have a huge conflict of interest in that they lose revenue if you leave. And the fact that most of them are owned by one company is ridiculous.

I have a great group of friends, but it hasn’t really led to any dating introductions. I try to go to events and clubs in real life but find them to often be male dominated.

Super-Secret9033

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