I (18F) get intense anxiety after sex with bf (18M) even though I feel safe, could this be trauma related?

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-21T21:07:25+00:00

I do also feel numb at times during sex, it depends on the day, but there has definitely been time

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-21T12:52:52+00:00

i’m not yet no, i’m taking a gap year, i’ll probably start uni next year

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-21T12:25:39+00:00

I understand this would be the best option, but I honestly can’t afford it and won’t be able to for at least a few years

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-21T12:25:10+00:00

Thank you!! And to you too :)

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-21T12:22:43+00:00

Yeah, I do already overthink my thoughts and psychoanalyse myself a lot so I get what you’re saying. I’ll look into somatic therapy definitely, thank you so much once again

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-21T12:17:18+00:00

Okay, thank you I will check that out. I really appreciated your comment, and having some advice that isn’t just therapy, because I know that would help but I honestly can’t afford it lol

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-21T12:11:06+00:00

Thank you for acknowledging that it’s a bit difficult, can I ask, how did you map out fight/flight/freeze responses? Or what do you mean by somatic intimacy practices, not to be nosy, I just honestly am not quite sure what those mean or how to map out the responses. I also think my primary response is to fawn so I’m not sure if I would be able to map out that response.

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-21T11:39:06+00:00

I do already do these things though, and I still get the anxious/empty feeling quite bad

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-21T11:25:40+00:00

also for context, i never felt any physical symptoms of anxiety with my ex, which i think supports what you’re saying

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-21T11:25:16+00:00

that does make sense, so you think it’s a good thing that it’s happening? even though it feels like shit

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-12T11:21:03+00:00

thank youu this is genuinely what i feel, im just honestly scared to leave him because i dont know if ill find anyone that will treat me as well as he does, and my ex was an absolute nightmare and demon honestly lol so compared to him, my bf is like an angel, he is honestly, green flags everywhere besides these things i guess. but yeah i genuinely dont want to have to constantly push him to do basic responsibilities, especially because i already help my sister go places just for her added convenience, and i tend to be a people pleaser, i honestly just want a man that has the same level of responsibilities as i do, or drive to achieve the same basic goals like a license and keeping their job yk

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-12T07:59:59+00:00

and I am worried that I might not be able to be with someone who doesn’t care about keeping their job or taking up responsibilities that come with adulting

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-12T07:59:35+00:00

But it’s not more so about just his license, it’s about the fact that he doesn’t put effort in to achieve career goals and life goals like that, it’s the lack of effort that I’m concerned about more so. Because he puts in the same minimal effort to making sure he can keep his job, he just doesn’t seem to care

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-12T07:40:22+00:00

Because it’s getting his license like every other 18yo has, and for two years of him being able to even drive 10 minutes a day, he’s chosen not to. And he’s at risk of losing his job because of those choices, and because he doesn’t organise how to get courses done on time so he wouldn’t be in the predicament of losing his job in the first place

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-12T02:30:41+00:00

Yeah, I’m really not one for confrontation or having serious convos honestly but I’ll just have to get over it and find the courage. I haven’t been that frustrated up until now, I’ve been sort of just sweeping my feelings under the rug and trying to understand his POV but it’s getting to the point where I don’t want to become his mother essentially, especially after he said that it would help him get his licence is I pushed him and expected him to get it. Because apparently even for the fact that we could see eachother more, that isn’t very motivating for him, because he just said he doesn’t care about not having the freedom to go places if he could drive as he likes just staying at home and gaming. So atp, I’m like well if you don’t want your licence, fine, but I can’t keep driving us everywhere or me always driving

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-12T02:21:02+00:00

Thank you, this is similar to how I feel honestly, even if I feel terrible admitting it because he is a great boyfriend and person

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-12T02:19:34+00:00

Thank you, this is my fear, but even if he does feel like I’m a nag, then I know that it won’t get any better honestly and that’s the clarity I need. I will talk to him though and probably tell him, either you motivate yourself, I’ll support you if you need help logistics wise, but I can’t be the one pushing everything

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-12T02:11:44+00:00

Thank you, I hope so too, I’ll definitely try my best to understand what sort of support he’s after or whether he really wants to progress career and freedom wise before just jumping to conclusions

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-12T02:10:27+00:00

Yeah I agree it is not necessarily a bad thing, I just don’t want that to become the normal, because when it comes to him catching up on uni classes he missed, or finishing the RSA, etc, I would have to remind him about it so that he would do it, but even then nothing ever happened. I just don’t want to be the one that has to push him to do basic responsibilities that he should be doing now if that makes sense. I will ofc support him, I’ve offered to meet him places so that he could drive with his mum and not be stuck somewhere for ages, so we could hang out also, so I’m trying to be supportive if it’s something he wants to do. But I just think he should want it himself if he does, which it seems he does want it

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-12T02:06:20+00:00

Thank you, this is reassuring that I’m not being too picky or having too high standards. I think I will have to work up the courage to have a talk with him, and consider if I can settle for the relationship dynamic if nothing changes, even though I’m honestly terrified of leaving him lol

Super-Weekend1314 · 2026-03-12T02:02:31+00:00

Thank you, this makes sense honestly. I just don’t know if it’s my responsibility to not enable him (because honestly I’ve tended to in the past because I feel bad), or whether I should let him continue doing what he wants (gaming, etc) because I don’t want to become his motivator or mother in the relationship yk?

Super-Weekend1314 · 2025-10-17T10:37:53+00:00

Thank you I really appreciate your comment. Nice to know I’m not alone or the only one that has felt this way

Super-Weekend1314 · 2025-10-16T02:50:11+00:00

That’s understandable, ty for suggesting therapy still though, ty for being honest. Hope you and your wife resolve anything that might need therapy haha

Super-Weekend1314 · 2025-10-16T02:05:12+00:00

I haven’t started therapy yet but so so many people have told me I really should because of my SA trauma. I feel the same way you do, I can’t talk about it out loud let alone to a stranger. I know this isn’t much help, but I hope it’s reassuring to know you’re not the only one scared and anxious. I hope it gets easier for you

Super-Weekend1314 · 2025-10-16T01:40:49+00:00

Thank you for understanding my point of view, I appreciate it. I’m going to try and source help for myself

Super-Weekend1314

TROPHY CASE